I find it's best to start early, Not just with animals but showing your child what gentleness is. Point it out. Never refer to or let your child think of your pet as a toy or their baby. Always supervise and immedialety intervene if an interaction is going south, this can include consequences. It's not cute when your child pulls tails or ears. Don't allow your child to throw toys at the pet or slam into the pet and still get to play with the toy, in this regard think of the dog or cat as an additional sibling would you let your child hurt their younger sibling? Praise both the child and pet when you seem them being gentle together.

Point out to your child when the dog or cat is trying to tell them they want to be left alone. By the time a cat is hissing or swiping or a dog is nipping and growling they have given other warnings they'd like to be left alone. . This is good training for when your kids encounter pets that are not your own.

If you can avoid getting a pet if you have kids or thinking about having to them. Contrary to what some people believe they are not good training tools to see how you'd do with a baby, and they don't teach young kids all that much because you end up doing most of the work, They are an extra expense and require devotion to health care and training and monitoring interactions.

If you do get a pet I'd advise against it until the youngest child is between 8 and 10 years old, and then think carefully about the vibe of your household and get a pet that matches, ie don't get a dog that's bred to hunt , herd and run all day and expect her to lay happily on a rug by your heels.

I meant she’s NOT gentle in general

Anonymous wrote:My twins were 3, but they didn't do anything over-the-top harmful - nothing our puppy couldn't handle.
It sounds like your situation was due to the cat being old, just not a good fit for younger kids.

This is OP. Part of it was older cat, part of it was personality of the cat (he was sweet to his detriment— he would allow her to do ANYTHING to him and he never hissed or walked away or scratched or bit. He had no sense of self preservation.) But part of it is the child. She’s bit gentle in general. And part of it is cats in general. Their little limbs seem fragile to me. If we were getting a Lab, I wouldn’t be worried about my daughter cuddling the dog too hard. I did worry about her squeezing the cat too hard and would be concerned about the same with a kitten. Kittens just seem fragile.

My twins were 3, but they didn't do anything over-the-top harmful - nothing our puppy couldn't handle.
It sounds like your situation was due to the cat being old, just not a good fit for younger kids.

From the beginning, because they're both gentle kids. My son with inattentive ADHD has a particularly soft touch, but isn't interested in having a pet. My daughter LOVES animals and takes care of our dog and parrot.

I got a dog when I was pregnant and had an almost 3 year old. (Note to anyone reading this: don't do that. Really, I love my dog, but I can only blame pregnancy brain because this was a bad idea)

My toddler was gentle from the start. He just got what I meant by gentle. I had to supervise them because the dog was jumpy and enthusiastic, and I worried about him hurting the kid, not the other way around. It was probably a year before the dog was well enough trained that they were ever alone together.

I thought I was such an amazing parent. Look what I had taught my kid! Look what I taught my dog!

My younger kid has been a bundle of energy from a very early age. We did everything we did with his brother, starting earlier of course, and by about three he knew how to be kind and gentle, when he was focusing on it. He could tell you all the rules for being gentle with the dog, but this didn't translate into him not swinging the toy baseball bat next to the dog's head, or stepping on it's tail as he ran through the house, or crashing into the dog with his toy cars, for years and years. This got better gradually, but I think some of that is that my dog learned to stay out of the way.

Ironically my older kid, the gentle one, is the one with the ADHD diagnosis. I think because he doesn't focus well, he's constantly monitoring his environment, and so he notices that the dog is there and monitors his safety. My younger kid has a laser like focus on whatever he's interested in, that would mean he forgot.

This is OP. This is helpful in that it’s all over the map. I thought there would maybe be consensus at age 6, or something. Apparently not.

Third grade

Around age 3, but we have had two dogs since the youngest was six months old without issues. The dogs were never left unsupervised with the children and we worked with a dog trainer as well. I'm sure it's harder with cats to provide that supervision though.

This depends on the child.

My firstborn understood that she had to be gentle at 3. My younger child loves animals but gets excited and can be more rough than is appropriate. I would have left my first alone in a room with a cat with zero concerns. My youngest is 4.5 and I still have to be there to make sure he doesn’t get too rough.

^get go not get ho, lol

Mine has always been gentle (she is also 4). But our cat, who is also getting quite old, is not always friendly. We knew from the get ho that we would need to foster that relationship carefully on both sides. DD has grown up knowing that the cat is NOT a toy, stuffed animal, her baby, etc. We have trained them to give each other space and DD understands clearly when the cat is safe to approach and when it’s best to leave him alone. But it took a lot of work on our part.

The upside is that it has been a great way for DD to learn boundaries, respect, reading body language, etc. She and the cat are now really sweet with each other. DD is in charge of getting him dinner and will keep an eye on his water bowl and let us know when it’s empty. She will also track down his favorite toy and nestle it next to him when he’s napping, or make him a little bed with blankets in the sun because she knows he likes napping in the sunshine. It’s the cutest.

One was always gentle and one is 10 and still can’t do it.

4 year old DD was not gentle with our dear old cat who recently died. I had to constantly police their interactions. We’d like to add a pet to our family but don’t think DD is quite old enough to be gentle. At what age did your child understand being gentle to the pets and not need so much supervision around them?