Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband aware that you want to divorce? If so, how does he feel about dividing stuff?

That’s probably the starting point since everything else stems from that.

No, I did not share that decision with him yet. In terms of dividing there is really not much to divide other than the house which we own jointly and to buying of which we contributed equally. I do not care about any of the other stuff. He can have the furniture, the car and whatever he wants. The main issue will be the custody. I think he will go aggressively after trying to get full custody as he is very close to DC.

And one day soon that kid will be able to decide on his own which house he wants to live in. It doesn’t sound like it will be yours.

OP get an attorney before you tell him.

Get all your ducks in a row.
1. Attorney (if you want your kid do it now like first thing tomorrow)
2. Do exactly what the Attorney says in terms of custody
3. Don't stay in a marriage just to stay
4. Make copies of all financial papers, ie 401 k, retirement accounts, savings accounts, etc. We know you don't want anything but your attorney is going to need paperwork and you don't want to be blindsided later
5. Do not move out without your kid.
6. Be nice do not say anything bad about DH to child.
7. Do not move out of the house til Attorney tells you to.

In Virginia there is no set procedure for a separation, hence the need for a separation agreement.

https://www.cgglawyers.com/how-do-i-separate-from-my-spouse/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're looking to separate you need to speak with a divorce attorney, not post on an online forum. Posting here is just for getting attention. Want to separate? Google divorce attorney and call one.

Well, part of why I am asking is to understand whether I need an attorney at this stage at all.

Uh yes. And no good lawyer will proceed without you each having counsel.

They can go to a mediator without attorneys. They do not have to retain counsel first. That is not true. But if he is going to fight for custody, she needs an attorney ASAP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband aware that you want to divorce? If so, how does he feel about dividing stuff?

That’s probably the starting point since everything else stems from that.

No, I did not share that decision with him yet. In terms of dividing there is really not much to divide other than the house which we own jointly and to buying of which we contributed equally. I do not care about any of the other stuff. He can have the furniture, the car and whatever he wants. The main issue will be the custody. I think he will go aggressively after trying to get full custody as he is very close to DC.

Then you most certainly need an attorney.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you need a lawyer? Yes. Ask him/her these technical questions.

As far as custody goes... as someone whose parents divorced, don't make your kid bear the burden of this. Shuttling back and forth has a cost for the kid.

I am not sure what is the alternative. Neither of us will agree to less than 50%. I was staying because I thought it was better for the kid but I am not convinced that growing up in a household where the parents basically do not talk to each other and where there is no affection is any healthier for the kid than separating. There is no cheating or abuse involved, just a lot of resentment and general incompatibility.

I agree with OP. My parents had a bad marriage.

You need to consult an attorney to just get an idea of what is fair. Usually 50/50 of everything earned during the marriage. You need to start a separation date. You can't just move out with kids--you need a separaton/property settlement agreement with all terms of the divorce. What state are you in? You can do this through mediation or both using attorneys or you can do it with mediation and use an attorney (each) to review before signing. Does your husband know you want a divorce? Maybe he would agree. 50/50 custody, 50/50 assets earned during the marriage, and splittling proceeds of the house is pretty normal...not much to fight about. You need to get a separation date established and you need to figure out how you are going to divorce before you move.

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband aware that you want to divorce? If so, how does he feel about dividing stuff?

That’s probably the starting point since everything else stems from that.

No, I did not share that decision with him yet. In terms of dividing there is really not much to divide other than the house which we own jointly and to buying of which we contributed equally. I do not care about any of the other stuff. He can have the furniture, the car and whatever he wants. The main issue will be the custody. I think he will go aggressively after trying to get full custody as he is very close to DC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're looking to separate you need to speak with a divorce attorney, not post on an online forum. Posting here is just for getting attention. Want to separate? Google divorce attorney and call one.

Well, part of why I am asking is to understand whether I need an attorney at this stage at all.

Uh yes. And no good lawyer will proceed without you each having counsel.

Is your husband aware that you want to divorce? If so, how does he feel about dividing stuff?

That’s probably the starting point since everything else stems from that.

Anonymous wrote:Do you need a lawyer? Yes. Ask him/her these technical questions.

As far as custody goes... as someone whose parents divorced, don't make your kid bear the burden of this. Shuttling back and forth has a cost for the kid.

I am not sure what is the alternative. Neither of us will agree to less than 50%. I was staying because I thought it was better for the kid but I am not convinced that growing up in a household where the parents basically do not talk to each other and where there is no affection is any healthier for the kid than separating. There is no cheating or abuse involved, just a lot of resentment and general incompatibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're looking to separate you need to speak with a divorce attorney, not post on an online forum. Posting here is just for getting attention. Want to separate? Google divorce attorney and call one.

Well, part of why I am asking is to understand whether I need an attorney at this stage at all.

You're a high earner and you dont' understnad you need an attorney? Absolutely yes. If you just leave, it's abandonment. If you take the kid too, it's kidnapping. You need to do this the right way or it can have serious consequences.

Anonymous wrote:If you're looking to separate you need to speak with a divorce attorney, not post on an online forum. Posting here is just for getting attention. Want to separate? Google divorce attorney and call one.

Well, part of why I am asking is to understand whether I need an attorney at this stage at all.

Do you need a lawyer? Yes. Ask him/her these technical questions.

As far as custody goes... as someone whose parents divorced, don't make your kid bear the burden of this. Shuttling back and forth has a cost for the kid.

If you're looking to separate you need to speak with a divorce attorney, not post on an online forum. Posting here is just for getting attention. Want to separate? Google divorce attorney and call one.

I have concluded that I have done trying and want to get out of my marriage. We have one early elementary child and own our primary residence together. Our house does not lend itself well to separating while still living there and so I want to move out. What do I need to do if the eventual target is to get 50/50 custody, sell house and share proceeds equally and leave everything else alone? With the latter I mean that our finances are mostly separate and I do not want anything from him despite him making a bit more and having more assets. I am a high earner myself and don't care about trying to get half of what we accumulated during the marriage. What do I have to do before moving out to avoid affecting my custody rights? Do I need to have a lawyer write a separation agreement and have my husband sign it?