OP again, we took a walk and she was commenting on people's gardens, things blooming, etc, on her own. Previously I would be pointing things out trying to give her some pleasant distraction and she would be too down to even acknowledge... Its a small thing and yet it isn't.

OP here, update. This is interesting. Now on day 5 of the 5mg Lexapro, I can report she has been noticeably less grumpy and overall less edgy and anxious seeming. She says she feels a little better.

It's possible her brain has been so seratonin starved that this uptick is significant. Interesting.

Its just nice to be able to breathe and see her be able to breathe. Haven't had to walk on eggshells. I'll take it.

Anonymous wrote:I had depression and three things really helped: getting on an SSRI, exercise/getting outside, and a light box. As someone earlier said, it may take a while to find the med that works best for her and it may take a while to figure out the right dose. If the meds make her foggy, she can try taking them before bed.

Thanks for the light box tip. She sits by an open window for her computer time by day, but then again often she draws the blinds too. I will definitely investigate a lightbox.

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a huge benefit to being outdoors and getting sunshine. Maybe you could serve some meals outside? Also, expressing gratitude for small things can help change a mindset. You can model that if you can eat outside, by saying that you are grateful for the nice weather, or that your flowers are blooming, or whatever. Focus on the positive and let her hear it.

I had horrible depression, and wish that someone had told me it would end. Part of it was due to spending too much time ruminating over problems, which I still tend to do, and I have to deliberately tell myself to change the mental channel and physically get up and go in a different room.

Group therapy was very helpful to me when younger, because I realized I was not alone, and could offer help to my peers. When it’s safe, you might think about that. Best of luck.

OP here, thanks for all of this. DD loves going outside and has been talking about wanting to do a picnic, especially once everyone is vaxxed and we can get together for friends.

Positive affirmations seem to have so little beneficial effect, but thanks for reminding me to keep doing them. And I do talk to her about the things I am grateful for, all the little things. Thanks for letting me know it may be seeping in there more than it seems.

DD most definitely ruminates. I try to peel her away from her computer time to get her to change gears with a schedule for non school things. What you are saying is encouraging me to really make that a priority.

Funny you should mention group therapy, because I mentioned it to HER and she said that sounded like a good idea(!). So I will start looking.

I gave her her first pill today. I was thinking yesterday when looking at the possible side effects and the things that could go wrong that I am far more scared what will happen if I _dont_ give her this medication.

So that's where we are at.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

DC has been on Zoloft for several months now, and it has really helped. My mom takes Zoloft, so we were encouraged that it would be beneficial. My SIL (no blood relation to DC) has to change up her meds every couple of years or so. Since my mom doesn't have to do that, I am hopeful that Zoloft won't stop working for DC, but we'll deal with it when/if it happens.

I had depression and three things really helped: getting on an SSRI, exercise/getting outside, and a light box. As someone earlier said, it may take a while to find the med that works best for her and it may take a while to figure out the right dose. If the meds make her foggy, she can try taking them before bed.

I think there is a huge benefit to being outdoors and getting sunshine. Maybe you could serve some meals outside? Also, expressing gratitude for small things can help change a mindset. You can model that if you can eat outside, by saying that you are grateful for the nice weather, or that your flowers are blooming, or whatever. Focus on the positive and let her hear it.

I had horrible depression, and wish that someone had told me it would end. Part of it was due to spending too much time ruminating over problems, which I still tend to do, and I have to deliberately tell myself to change the mental channel and physically get up and go in a different room.

Group therapy was very helpful to me when younger, because I realized I was not alone, and could offer help to my peers. When it’s safe, you might think about that. Best of luck.

OP here. Thank you everyone for your responses and advice. It all makes sense.

We just finished the session with the PNP and the script is for lexapro. We will have DD try for 2 weeks and if the dose is having an effect, continue, and if not, double the dose. Check in with PNP at two weeks.

This is a big step and I hope we get lucky. DD's biological dad had a benefit from the Lexapro, so there is some reason to believe it can work.

As everyone has suggested, my job is to support, observe stay out of the way when needed, advocate/intervene when needed.

Thanks again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you and your DD, OP. Antidepressants (started in 20s) saved my life. Some tips: Manage her expectations. She may get a semi-psychosomatic rush of improvement when she starts them, and it will not last. Encourage her to stick with it. Antidepressants are not a magic bullet that magically make you feel better. Rather, they give you the focus and energy to start making changes (to life, thought process, etc). Also, most people need to do a bunch of experimenting to find the combo that works well for them. Have her log how she is feeling every day, and whether she thinks things are improving, worse, or same. Then tweak and reassess. Good luck to you and your DD - it is a hard road but meds make a world of difference once you get them right.

Thanks for this. I have known some close friends who needed antidepressants and I've definitely level set her expectations. It's so sad to hear how bad she has become in terms of her thoughts. I told her hold on, help is on the way. I do believe we will find improvement, but instinct tells me it will take time.

This tip is incredibly useful.[i] THANK YOU. No one told me about this. At all.

I'm so glad to hear you got what you needed.

I really don't think it's psychosomatic, but I got a rush of good feelings within a few days of first taking SSRI's. I don't get that effect with other psychotropic medications I've tried.

When my teen went through a crisis (and of course could not come out of it on her own) she told me about how she was feeling. I immediately gave her a dose of Zoloft (my prescription) so that she could sleep. She got up feeling wonderful and cried saying that she cannot believe that she could feel happy again. It took me 4 days before I could get her to a therapist and her own prescriptions but I continued giving her my Zoloft. She has been doing quite well with the pandemic too.

1)Meds and Therapy helped a lot.

2)I also did not interfere in the real issues that teen was going through (friend drama, grades, bullying) because the therapist did a good job of making her deal with it. What I got her to agree to was a morning schedule for waking up, showering, eating. A routine is super important. This may be the only thing that you can control and they are more likely to agree with you on this.

3)My teen was angry with me and confronted my in front of her therapist. I was asked to butt out and to stop being a helicopter mom. I was beyond pissed because it was completely unfounded BUT thankfully I maintained my cool. My kiddo realized that she was blaming me unnecessarily after some more therapy. Eventually, with the help of therapist she was thankful for me and was able to come out of her depression and get her life back on track. So be prepared to kids lashing out at you and continue to be supportive. Get your own therapist if you get upset but don't try and argue with them.

4) The teens will also need some real life problem solving and that you can help with (get them to the derm if their acne is making them feel bad, get them a tutor and more help or alternate school schedule if their grades are hurting, reach out to school or change schools if there is bullying involved, get a lawyer involved if there is cyber bullying involved).

5) You need to be healthy (no smoking, drinking, fighting, drugs, boyfriends/girlfriends) and put your household first.

6) Get some nice safe distractions that can happen from home - birdwatching, new pet, gardening, home gym, art, music. etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you and your DD, OP. Antidepressants (started in 20s) saved my life. Some tips: Manage her expectations. She may get a semi-psychosomatic rush of improvement when she starts them, and it will not last. Encourage her to stick with it. Antidepressants are not a magic bullet that magically make you feel better. Rather, they give you the focus and energy to start making changes (to life, thought process, etc). Also, most people need to do a bunch of experimenting to find the combo that works well for them. Have her log how she is feeling every day, and whether she thinks things are improving, worse, or same. Then tweak and reassess. Good luck to you and your DD - it is a hard road but meds make a world of difference once you get them right.

Thanks for this. I have known some close friends who needed antidepressants and I've definitely level set her expectations. It's so sad to hear how bad she has become in terms of her thoughts. I told her hold on, help is on the way. I do believe we will find improvement, but instinct tells me it will take time.

This tip is incredibly useful.[i] THANK YOU. No one told me about this. At all.

I'm so glad to hear you got what you needed.

I really don't think it's psychosomatic, but I got a rush of good feelings within a few days of first taking SSRI's. I don't get that effect with other psychotropic medications I've tried.

Just know that it may take awhile to find a med that works for them and be willing to advocate for a change if needed after a couple months.

In four years, DD is on med 3 (not counting two others we've added in over time) and we're meeting with her doc tomorrow to talk about yet another. She seems to plateau after a few months and eventually they just stop working. It's so frustrating for me and causes her to feel like she'll never feel better.

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you and your DD, OP. Antidepressants (started in 20s) saved my life. Some tips: Manage her expectations. She may get a semi-psychosomatic rush of improvement when she starts them, and it will not last. Encourage her to stick with it. Antidepressants are not a magic bullet that magically make you feel better. Rather, they give you the focus and energy to start making changes (to life, thought process, etc). Also, most people need to do a bunch of experimenting to find the combo that works well for them. Have her log how she is feeling every day, and whether she thinks things are improving, worse, or same. Then tweak and reassess. Good luck to you and your DD - it is a hard road but meds make a world of difference once you get them right.

Thanks for this. I have known some close friends who needed antidepressants and I've definitely level set her expectations. It's so sad to hear how bad she has become in terms of her thoughts. I told her hold on, help is on the way. I do believe we will find improvement, but instinct tells me it will take time.

This tip is incredibly useful.[i] THANK YOU. No one told me about this. At all.

I'm so glad to hear you got what you needed.

Hugs to you and your DD, OP. Antidepressants (started in 20s) saved my life. Some tips: Manage her expectations. She may get a semi-psychosomatic rush of improvement when she starts them, and it will not last. Encourage her to stick with it. Antidepressants are not a magic bullet that magically make you feel better. Rather, they give you the focus and energy to start making changes (to life, thought process, etc). Also, most people need to do a bunch of experimenting to find the combo that works well for them. Have her log how she is feeling every day, and whether she thinks things are improving, worse, or same. Then tweak and reassess. Good luck to you and your DD - it is a hard road but meds make a world of difference once you get them right.

DD will soon be getting desperately needed help. Therapy alone didn't work.

What are some tips that you can share from your experiences or things you wish you had known?

My plan is to supplement her treatment and therapy with low pressure outings, art projects, things she herself still actually likes to do sometimes and just see to it that they are done regularly.

I will need to get her exercising. She desperately needs more activity. She actually wants to but is not motivated. Because of her ADHD, however, she paces a lot while happy and eats well, so she is not dealing with weight issues. I just know antidepressants work better when there is regular exercise.

More listening. Less questions.

Breathe. Know it will take time. Be aware.

Anything else I should know? Thanks in advance.