Anonymous wrote:What’s your HHI and what would it be at 45 hours per week. If you are really working 65 hours per week that’s not going to work long term. You need a long term plan. Is your plan really work work work and then die? Life is meant to be lived a little. Your kid can go to your state school and still be a doctor or lawyer, k?

OP: we’re at 400 right now. We are both in our late 30s and until recently we were at 250. my husband also would want us to move to a bigger place (I don’t) and he likes taking nicer vacations than I do. He would not want to downshift.

What’s your HHI and what would it be at 45 hours per week. If you are really working 65 hours per week that’s not going to work long term. You need a long term plan. Is your plan really work work work and then die? Life is meant to be lived a little. Your kid can go to your state school and still be a doctor or lawyer, k?

Anonymous wrote:Lady. You are cray-cray.

Why?

Lady. You are cray-cray.

OP here: if you are the breadwinner, and your husband has to do more around the house and for childcare, did they come to resent you - though the income you make also benefits him and the HH?

Anonymous wrote:Have the cleaners come, they wear masks, you can open windows. Basically, you have to do something to make it easier and it sounds like cleaners would go a long way to have less resentment.

Yeah, can't wait.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine you’d be destitute if you cut back to 45 hours a week. You have years to save for college.

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We would not be destitute, but I also feel like it's my duty since I brought this child into the world to offer him a good start. I paid for everything I did myself (very emotionally supportive parents, but financially they could not, I came here from a different country on full scholarships, took out loan for grad school), never had any cushion. I want my child to have some security - though I will not plan to cover things like downpayment, wedding, etc. But I want to be able to pay for the best college that he can attend for example and not have to worry about money.

I can’t imagine you’d be destitute if you cut back to 45 hours a week. You have years to save for college.

Have the cleaners come, they wear masks, you can open windows. Basically, you have to do something to make it easier and it sounds like cleaners would go a long way to have less resentment.

OP here: as I mention, I do spend time with the baby. I basically don't do anything else for me - no TV, no movies, no exercise, maybe 15 mins of internet browsing per day.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you working 65 hours a week while you have an infant?

I can cut down but have less money. Less money for his college fund, less retirement security for us, etc.

OP here: I also need to pay for this child's opportunities and college. Zero family wealth on my both mine and husband's side.

Why are you working 65 hours a week while you have an infant?

Why are you having children if you have so little time for them?

I work 65+hour weeks with a young baby. We WFH. We have childcare 45 hours per week.

My husband does more childcare than I do though I am typically responsible for the back-end of that - researching food for the baby, coordinating schedules, milestones and educational opportunities, meal prep.

He says he does not resent him having to do more childcare and do more physical work around the house (I do stuff in the background too, like setting appointments, pay bills). I manage to get enough sleep but I basically only work, take care of baby and do chores. Almost no exercise, no time for myself, etc. but that's ok, I'm ok with my priorities there.

I am afraid though my husband resents that. He says he does not, but he mentions how he's the only one doing the dishes, for example. He does have some free time - 1-2 hours on weekdays and a bit more on the weekend. He works around 50 hours per week.

He's not on board though with my downsizing b/c I make good money - unfortunately not enough to get much more help. Once we can find a vaccinated cleaner, we will have someone come in once every couple of weeks, but for the past year, we have been doing it ourselves.

Thoughts?