Anonymous wrote:I'm jealous of people who had normal childhoods with healthy parents.

I'm jealous of people who can have functional relationships with their parents as adults.

I'm jealous of people whose mother doesn't lie and gaslight to their faces and then posts about God and Jesus all over Facebook to all her friends crowing about what a wonderful Christian she is.


Why wasn't I deserving of good parents?

Do we have the same mom?

Anonymous wrote:Same here. Super jealous. I have talked to my therapist about this many times. I have decided I just can’t be friends with people who are super close to their mentally healthy parents and have a lot of emotional and physical support. I just can’t get past that. Isn’t that sad?

It's sad, but I totally get it. I [retty much have zero relationships because I don't trust people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm jealous of people who had normal childhoods with healthy parents.

I'm jealous of people who can have functional relationships with their parents as adults.

I'm jealous of people whose mother doesn't lie and gaslight to their faces and then posts about God and Jesus all over Facebook to all her friends crowing about what a wonderful Christian she is.


Why wasn't I deserving of good parents?

I could have written this myself. Does your mom call your children and badmouth you? Mine does even though she has not been in my life for over a decade.

No, she just likes to paint me and my siblings as terrible and horrible children, she's always, always the victim never responsible for anything.

Same here. Super jealous. I have talked to my therapist about this many times. I have decided I just can’t be friends with people who are super close to their mentally healthy parents and have a lot of emotional and physical support. I just can’t get past that. Isn’t that sad?

Anonymous wrote:I'm jealous of people who had normal childhoods with healthy parents.

I'm jealous of people who can have functional relationships with their parents as adults.

I'm jealous of people whose mother doesn't lie and gaslight to their faces and then posts about God and Jesus all over Facebook to all her friends crowing about what a wonderful Christian she is.


Why wasn't I deserving of good parents?

I could have written this myself. Does your mom call your children and badmouth you? Mine does even though she has not been in my life for over a decade.

DH dad is NPD. BIL is BPD and MIL is DPD. The household is so utterly dysfunctional that I was traumatized when I went to help them 2 years ago for 2 weeks. I felt I was dying.

DH is a lovely husband and fantastic human being. He is loved and adored and has high moral standards. He has created a life away from them but still treats them with compassion. We have been together for 33 years since we were 21.

Sooner or later we will have to take care of MIL.

Hey, OP, big hugs to you. You absolutely deserved better parents. As a result of mine, I have depression, anxiety, PTSD. I have a great therapist now and my life is getting better. Please try therapy. You won't get better parents, but you can have a happier life.

I'm sorry, OP. I didn't realize how wonderful my parents were until I got to know DH's parents. I would say my father has some narcisstic traits, but they're nothing compared to DH's mother.

Hugs, OP.

Narcissistic abuse is awful. No child deserves to be parented by a narcissist. Sending you love. It’s not easy.

Anonymous wrote:Therapy. Supposedly you can "reparent" yourself to provide yourself with the love and support you needed but did not get. Also, there is a process to mourn what you did not have. I am not there yet myself, but somewhere along the road. I used to cry over other people's facebook posts about how awesome their moms are. I even cried over the ones who were missing their dead moms, because I knew I would not miss mine.

A woman I knew once told me that I could never understand the pain of losing her mother young. And she was right -- I can't imagine that loss. I'm sure it's the kind of thing you struggle with for a long time, maybe forever.

But she could never understand the pain of growing up with a mom with a serious personality disorder and having to care for that person well into adulthood. I didn't envy that woman losing her mother, but I did envy the simplicity of being able to say "My mom died when I was young. It was hard," and have people recognize that this was a difficult thing to go through. There is no simple way to explain my grief over my childhood or my relationship with my mother. I'm sure that woman thought I was lucky because I still had my mom in my life.

Therapy. Supposedly you can "reparent" yourself to provide yourself with the love and support you needed but did not get. Also, there is a process to mourn what you did not have. I am not there yet myself, but somewhere along the road. I used to cry over other people's facebook posts about how awesome their moms are. I even cried over the ones who were missing their dead moms, because I knew I would not miss mine.

Anonymous wrote:You deserve happiness and kindness and love.

You couldn't choose your parents.

Thank you, pp. You don't know how much your words mean to me.

You deserve happiness and kindness and love.

You couldn't choose your parents.

I'm jealous of people who had normal childhoods with healthy parents.

I'm jealous of people who can have functional relationships with their parents as adults.

I'm jealous of people whose mother doesn't lie and gaslight to their faces and then posts about God and Jesus all over Facebook to all her friends crowing about what a wonderful Christian she is.


Why wasn't I deserving of good parents?