Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to choose and you don't, why not let him pick and be a surprise for you?

+1 for this idea. We chose the sex of the embryo we implanted because either way, someone is choosing whether it is the lab tech or me.

Yes, but the lab tech is likely choosing the HEALTHIEST embryo.

+1
Also feels like playing God a bit too much to me (yes, I know IVF seems that way to some etc).

Want a sporty boy? Maybe you end up with a Broadway dancer.

Want a girly girl? Maybe you end up with a lesbian who shaves her head.

You see where I'm going with this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to choose and you don't, why not let him pick and be a surprise for you?

+1 for this idea. We chose the sex of the embryo we implanted because either way, someone is choosing whether it is the lab tech or me.

Yes, but the lab tech is likely choosing the HEALTHIEST embryo.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have been arguing about this. He doesn't have a preference but he would like the ability to pick since we're already going through IVF. On the other hand, I want some part of this to be a surprise, I would be happy with either boy or girl. The idea of picking doesn't sit well with me. I want the both of us to be surprised when the time comes to find out.

Just wanted to vent since this is so frustrating....

I would want the most viable embryo. Maybe after they pick the strongest they can tell him but, he can surprise you at birth?

If they are doing PGS testing (which they must be to actually Know the sex) how the embryo “looks” doesn’t really matter. I’m with your husband on this one. I strongly felt if a human is going to be choosing it should be me. That being said at the end of the day I only had one euploid embryo so there was no choice. (Also my doctor accidentally revealed sex to me so there was no possibility of surprise either...)

If your husband wants to choose and not reveal to you - it is hard - I tried not to reveal but slipped up when using pronouns.

First off: the only question you need to ask your doctor is "are all these embryos healthy?".

Because if you only have one that looks great for transfer, it doesn't matter what you think about choosing the sex etc.

If you have a handful that all look equally good, then you can have this discussion. But just keep in mind, not all transfers work. Will knowing the sex before transfer complicate your feelings if it doesn't work out?

Pick one of each and have twins like a lot of parents do.

I chose not to find out the sex of my embryos because I was worried it would make it even harder if my transfer wasn't successful.

If he doesn’t have a preference, why does he want the ability to choose? Couples who are at odds with “find out the sex / don’t find out the sex” typically do one of the following. You could too as a way to meet in the middle:

1. You decide to select the best embryo regardless of sex

2. You pick the top two embryos and the embryologist decides which to put in (of course the two best looking ones may be the same sex)

3. Your husband chooses the embryo, doesn’t tell you, and then keeps his fat mouth shut for 9 months to keep it a surprise for you (success rate is low with this one FYI)

So....He wants a boy and you want a boy or a girl? Just let him have the boy.

Some labs won’t do this. Will yours?

You’re on a hidin’ to nuthin’ as the Irish would say if you’re trying to make him want something he doesn’t want. He may feel (as I did) that the process is so fraught with uncertainty and lack of control that any choice feels precious (I did not pick, but would’ve if given the choice). His feelings are entirely legitimate and understandable.

But so are yours! Some people feel strongly about a “sacred secret” like that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be surprised.

Look, if there is love and trust between you I suggest this method - each of you writes down on a piece of paper, honestly, how badly you want this. Is it a 10 to you and an 8 to him, or vice versa? Whoever wants it worse wins. This only works if you trust each other to be honest and not try to game it in order to “win”. But my spouse and I have solved many conflicts this way and it’s been really helpful.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to choose and you don't, why not let him pick and be a surprise for you?

+1 for this idea. We chose the sex of the embryo we implanted because either way, someone is choosing whether it is the lab tech or me.

Anonymous wrote:Re-read your OP. You can't make him want it to be a surprise. Ya know?

+1. Whatever you do, don't use explosives at your huge gender reveal party...

Re-read your OP. You can't make him want it to be a surprise. Ya know?

If he wants to choose and you don't, why not let him pick and be a surprise for you?

My husband and I have been arguing about this. He doesn't have a preference but he would like the ability to pick since we're already going through IVF. On the other hand, I want some part of this to be a surprise, I would be happy with either boy or girl. The idea of picking doesn't sit well with me. I want the both of us to be surprised when the time comes to find out.

Just wanted to vent since this is so frustrating....