Anonymous wrote:I got married young and didn't realize my H who was five years older than me was as intellectually challenged (and closed minded) as he was. He was basically a good person and smart enough but in retrospect I would have probably enjoyed marriage more to a guy who actually liked to read a book occasionally. Stayed more or less happily married to him for 25 years though.

Are you still married? I know of two women in my family who are the primary breadwinners and are more intelligent than their loser partners.

Not necessarily. After decades of observing many marriages, I still don't know what makes some work and some fail. I feel the best predictor of a happy marriage is the willingness of the spouses to forgive, not hold grudges, and always remind themselves of what their partner does well. Sometimes life circumstances, such as disagreements about financial troubles, children with special needs, medical issues, really make that challenging.

I got married young and didn't realize my H who was five years older than me was as intellectually challenged (and closed minded) as he was. He was basically a good person and smart enough but in retrospect I would have probably enjoyed marriage more to a guy who actually liked to read a book occasionally. Stayed more or less happily married to him for 25 years though.

Anonymous wrote:Another “both smart, but at different things”. couple. I’ve never been attracted to anyone stupid.

Same

I think it depends on when you meet. DH and I met in college and had class together, so are well paired in that regard. BIL has always said he wants someone less successful than him. He got married in early 40s to a younger woman.

Another “both smart, but at different things”. couple. I’ve never been attracted to anyone stupid.

Guys who are "smart" but choose women who can't write a complete sentence are noticeable. Women are the equivalent of blow up dolls? Eye candy means more than a real conversation? That type of guy has issues. Likely relishes the adoring lesser women who can condescend to, rather than women of equal status in any respect. Smart women are too demanding, or whatever the misogynist word is trendy. How many men do you know like this? In my circles, I only know one.

In younger couples, I think most are approximately equally matched, give or take a bit.

In older couples, like boomers and up, I think this was much less true.

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure my husband doesn't care that I far exceed him intellectually. He's smart too, but definitely not on the same level. I think people with common beliefs, sexual attraction, and family backgrounds are more the way of finding compatibility than intellect.

Does he agree that you "far exceed him intellectually?"

Does anyone think they are not smart though?

I think it's hugely important. My husband and I are both smart but good at different things, so while he's much faster and better at one type of thinking, I'm much better and faster at another type and we respect that about each other.

My dad is very smart and analytical and his wife is not at all, and they have a ton of conflict. There's also conflict with the kids because her arguments are irrational, illogical, and childish.

Yes, definitely helps. Respect can lapse and condescension sets in.

I think generally it’s true but not required. You’re just more likely to meet a mate at a place you frequent, be it college, or the library, or the tractor pull.

Pretty sure my husband doesn't care that I far exceed him intellectually. He's smart too, but definitely not on the same level. I think people with common beliefs, sexual attraction, and family backgrounds are more the way of finding compatibility than intellect.

And do you believe this is a prerequisite for a successful marriage/partnership?