Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do some soccer activity "with friends" on some informal little kids team or program, and an activity "without friends" like a mini kickers or soccer tots type of class with different kids.

You don't want them to get too attached to friends with soccer, because as soon as the friends leave, they don't want to play anymore. Need to get them used to different kids.

I disagree with this. For many girls friendship is the primary motivation and girls' teams often stay together and continue to play precisely because they are all friends and enjoy "doing soccer" together. No - not the ones who end up playing ECNL - but that is not what most girls want to do.

If the OP's original question was "Hey my daughter is super-keen on soccer - it seems to be all she wants to do - how should we proceed" then I think your advice might be sensible. But his starting position is very different. It's "My daughter got really turned off by soccer and is now just getting interested again because her friends are playing. How can I keep this going?"

If he immediately tries to sign her up for an activity without her friends, she may well get turned off again.

Yes - if her friends stop playing at some point she may decide to stop too. But if that is going to happen, then trying to make it happen earlier (i.e. now) just means she will likely quit again now. At least if she plays with her friend group for a couple of years, she will have a chance to realize she also enjoys the sport for its own sake.

Great advice.

Well let's hope so. I got a lot of things wrong as a dad. Hopefully I learned along the way - but you never really know whether you learned enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do some soccer activity "with friends" on some informal little kids team or program, and an activity "without friends" like a mini kickers or soccer tots type of class with different kids.

You don't want them to get too attached to friends with soccer, because as soon as the friends leave, they don't want to play anymore. Need to get them used to different kids.

I disagree with this. For many girls friendship is the primary motivation and girls' teams often stay together and continue to play precisely because they are all friends and enjoy "doing soccer" together. No - not the ones who end up playing ECNL - but that is not what most girls want to do.

If the OP's original question was "Hey my daughter is super-keen on soccer - it seems to be all she wants to do - how should we proceed" then I think your advice might be sensible. But his starting position is very different. It's "My daughter got really turned off by soccer and is now just getting interested again because her friends are playing. How can I keep this going?"

If he immediately tries to sign her up for an activity without her friends, she may well get turned off again.

Yes - if her friends stop playing at some point she may decide to stop too. But if that is going to happen, then trying to make it happen earlier (i.e. now) just means she will likely quit again now. At least if she plays with her friend group for a couple of years, she will have a chance to realize she also enjoys the sport for its own sake.

Great advice.

Anonymous wrote:do some soccer activity "with friends" on some informal little kids team or program, and an activity "without friends" like a mini kickers or soccer tots type of class with different kids.

You don't want them to get too attached to friends with soccer, because as soon as the friends leave, they don't want to play anymore. Need to get them used to different kids.

I disagree with this. For many girls friendship is the primary motivation and girls' teams often stay together and continue to play precisely because they are all friends and enjoy "doing soccer" together. No - not the ones who end up playing ECNL - but that is not what most girls want to do.

If the OP's original question was "Hey my daughter is super-keen on soccer - it seems to be all she wants to do - how should we proceed" then I think your advice might be sensible. But his starting position is very different. It's "My daughter got really turned off by soccer and is now just getting interested again because her friends are playing. How can I keep this going?"

If he immediately tries to sign her up for an activity without her friends, she may well get turned off again.

Yes - if her friends stop playing at some point she may decide to stop too. But if that is going to happen, then trying to make it happen earlier (i.e. now) just means she will likely quit again now. At least if she plays with her friend group for a couple of years, she will have a chance to realize she also enjoys the sport for its own sake.

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 7; 1st grade. I played soccer growing up and tried hard to get her into it when she was 4 -- coached her group, pushed skills, etc. She resisted; in retrospect I tried too hard and I realize that now. She wasn't into it anymore and I relented... but we kept doing very low-key kick the ball around in the park-type fun things. Fast forward three years, and she is showing a strong interest now, helped along by friends. She is taller and hustles more than her peers, even if her ball skills are still coming along.

Anyway, what do you think I should do to support? We live on the Hill. I've heard SOTH has teams at around the U7/U8 level... mini camps? I don't want to push hard and turn her off again; honestly just want her to be happy enjoying the game and building confidence/skill...-

Thanks!!

Ask her if she'd like to join a team - maybe with her friends - and let her decide.

Also be aware that - at least in my experience - where boys want to compete, girls want to build a friend group - and the social aspect is at least as important to them as the sport itself. And it sounds, from your remarks above that you are already seeing that to some extent. So make sure that she continues to get that out of her experience if you want her to enjoy it and keep doing it. For example - let her join whatever team her friends are already on if you can, or go to a camp which her friends are going to - rather than looking for the best team or the best coach.

I can tell you want her to excel - all parents do. I have three kids myself. One does excel at soccer. The other two didn't, but played and enjoyed themselves nevertheless. Remember you cannot make her excel - I think you've already discovered this but don't forget it. For her to excel she will have to decide herself that that is what she wants, and that she is prepared to put in the effort necessary to do so. If that happens then you can help guide her as she reaches ages and ability levels where she needs to move coaches or clubs or do outside training. But if she doesn't want it - nothing you can do is going to make her want it - and in that case you are better off letting her play with her friends at whatever level they are all having fun with - which may end up being rec or low level travel. As long as you content yourself with the fact that that is what she wants - you and she will both have just as much fun and enjoyment as if she were playing for an ECNL team.

https://dcway.com/ - dc way soccer has great, low investment options and is based on the hill. they have multiple camp options, including spring break and after school. And, they've added a small travel program.

do some soccer activity "with friends" on some informal little kids team or program, and an activity "without friends" like a mini kickers or soccer tots type of class with different kids.

You don't want them to get too attached to friends with soccer, because as soon as the friends leave, they don't want to play anymore. Need to get them used to different kids.

OP here. Thanks for the advice! We'll do the local club but I won't push it, just support. Over the next few months I think I'll get a sense of the peer/friend involvement. We'll keep having fun with it and give her opportunities. Appreciate the insights

play with a ball, laugh, have fun

I agree. My son started rec soccer at age 4. At 7 we put him in an academy setting. He was OK, but not a standout. Between the ages 8-9 he just started dribbling up and down our backyard everyday. We had small goals at either end. I swear during that time his level went up exponentially just from his own desire to be with that ball. At U9 he was one of the best players in the age group. Just saying it's not too late for her to learn. It's up to her though.

Strong interest helped along by friends doesn’t really sound like strong individual interest. Can you elaborate? My gut for you and your DD is she doesn’t have a strong interest in soccer but rather strong interest in playing with her friends, which could involve any activity really.

Find local club. Sign up for local club. Drop off at practice and games. Watch and STFU during and for 24 hours after any team function unless your child initiates it. You coached before, right? Foster the love of the game and be prepared that she might not actually love it aside from the social aspect.

If you need a daycare option or a week or two to fill over summer consider a short like week long daily camp or training (eg golden boot ). But no need to force activity at home beyond what you did before when you laid off.

Ball, a few cones, mini goal and
grass. Go around them and shoot a lot. Camps will help, but time on the ball is most important.

DD just turned 7; 1st grade. I played soccer growing up and tried hard to get her into it when she was 4 -- coached her group, pushed skills, etc. She resisted; in retrospect I tried too hard and I realize that now. She wasn't into it anymore and I relented... but we kept doing very low-key kick the ball around in the park-type fun things. Fast forward three years, and she is showing a strong interest now, helped along by friends. She is taller and hustles more than her peers, even if her ball skills are still coming along.

Anyway, what do you think I should do to support? We live on the Hill. I've heard SOTH has teams at around the U7/U8 level... mini camps? I don't want to push hard and turn her off again; honestly just want her to be happy enjoying the game and building confidence/skill...-

Thanks!!