OP here - thank you for your responses, most of which resonated. My ten year "monogamous" marriage was devoid of an active sex life, which was very different than my previous 16 years since I started having sex.

It's possible that I may want monogamy in the right situation in the future - but yes, right now, after an emotionally exhausting and sexless marriage, I am not looking for a LTR at this time.

Anonymous wrote:I divorced right before COVID and haven't been actively dating, but this is totally my plan once the world is a bit safer. I don't need/want a commitment. I'm looking for fun. That's it. No washing a man's clothes and cooking his dinner. Been there, done that, over it all.

Me too. I love my FWB situation.

Anonymous wrote:You won't have any problem finding men who want this. Basically, you want a FWB who you are giving permission to sleep with other women and you can sleep with other men. While some men won't want this, most men in the post-divorce dating world will be thrilled.

Good luck

I agree. I have been dating a couple of years (late 40s) and have not met any men who want to be monogamous.

You won't have any problem finding men who want this. Basically, you want a FWB who you are giving permission to sleep with other women and you can sleep with other men. While some men won't want this, most men in the post-divorce dating world will be thrilled.

Good luck

Yes, before I was married, for about 25 years.

Yes. I have been dating the two years without committing to anyone. One guy is a FWB who is long distance. I see him once a month or two when there’s not a pandemic. We talk on the phone every week. I was dating another local guy at the same time as the LDR guy but that died after 2 months. There’s another guy who see every couple of months for dinner and to catch up. All of these guys are commitment averse.

I’ve been dating a guy more regularly for a couple months. We are in an open relationship right now, but we’re struggling because at various points one of us will decide we want to be exclusive, but not at the same time.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t give myself 100% sexually and feel comfortable and safe if I am not in a monogamous relationship. I never could do casual sex and certainly not an open relationship.

We still have very hot frequent sex 24 years together and I have zero desire for anyone else.

Irrelevant post. You’re not the audience the post is directed to and your experience and opinion here is irrelevant for that reason. If you still felt that way after being divorced to an ex you only desires 24 years, then your point of view may be relevant and potentially meaningful for this discussion.

A lot of women don’t want to try it again after divorce. Especially if the marriage was a good one or difficult. Different strokes for different folks, pun intended.

I can’t give myself 100% sexually and feel comfortable and safe if I am not in a monogamous relationship. I never could do casual sex and certainly not an open relationship.

We still have very hot frequent sex 24 years together and I have zero desire for anyone else.

I divorced right before COVID and haven't been actively dating, but this is totally my plan once the world is a bit safer. I don't need/want a commitment. I'm looking for fun. That's it. No washing a man's clothes and cooking his dinner. Been there, done that, over it all.

I knew as a teenager that I was not going to do monogamy. I'm straightforward about it and I don't try to talk anyone into non monogamy. It's a different set of issues to negotiate. Monogamy and commitment aren't the same thing, and if what you're looking for is a fwb that lasts awhile, that's not so hard. But think about how you're going to feel about him having other sexual partners as well, and how you want to negotiate the emotional and the sexual risks.

^^ BTW. I also acknowledge that men can feel similarly; I think it is a lot more common with men, which is why I placed the emphasis on my experience as a woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please define non-monogamous.

? That you have decided not to commit to monogamy with one person - with honesty. It's not cheating or adultery because you never made that promise in the first place - and were clear about that.

Just making sure.


Yes, but men are wary of this, they don’t believe you’re open to it without some later repercussion or ulterior motive. I think a lot of men truly believe women cannot manage an open relationship with honest and respect. I’ve only had it twice. One man I dated he was dating someone else, and he let me know. He let both of us know. I really appreciated that. It was respectful, normal and there were no deceptions.

Long term my preference is monogamy but who is to say what that means post-divorce? Hell, I’m still figuring it out. I have always respected the idea of open relationships because when the love is real and the door is open, no one is going anywhere. And it is honest, based on reality, not some illusion in your mind of what it would take to be perfect and to your standard (which is often myopic and flawed)

That is a rare level of realization for a lot of people — especially women — that connect emotionally and mentally/physically with others. Not all women can truly court a person, then date, then commit. Priorities differ person to person and things that are unfamiliar can feel threatening.

I greatly respect the guy that had the balls to be straightforward, and real with me and the other woman he had met right around the same time.

Anonymous wrote:Please define non-monogamous.

? That you have decided not to commit to monogamy with one person - with honesty. It's not cheating or adultery because you never made that promise in the first place - and were clear about that.

Please define non-monogamous.

I am a recently divorced woman (thankfully before Covid) with 2 kids. As I think about the next phase for me, I am looking forward to dating . companionship / sex, but DO NOT want to think about commitments. Has anyone managed to happily date casually (the same or different people) and continue to be non-monogamous?