Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 14:30     Subject: How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Have you isolated to find where the issue is? Is it your egg quality or fibroids in the uterus/inhospitable uterus that's rejecting the implantation or pregnancy? I would investigate further before considering donor eggs.

I had great egg quality but lots of little fibroids in the uterine walls, successful pregnancies were only possible after the fibroid surgery.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 14:27     Subject: How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
OP you really need to examine your records. That is a lot of rounds of IVF. If you don’t have reduced ovarian reserve then DE won’t help you. Sorry I did 4 tries with DE. Negative result. The problem was something else.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 14:23     Subject: How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Now I’m sorry also. But DE is no guarantee either and even more stressful. Sorry.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 14:18     Subject: Re:How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel for you, OP. I also had 8 rounds of IVF and several rounds of medicated IUIs between ages 40 and 44. I had one chemical, five day five embryos to PGS test abnormal, and around 15 day three embryos that were transferred over several IVF rounds that resulted in.....nothing. After my last round of IVF failed, I decided to consider DE because I was exhausted, broke, and emotionally drained. It's taken me many months to come around to it, and that's with seeing a therapist who specializes in infertility issues.

I think my thought process has been that I want a baby and I 've been trying for one for a really long time. If I have one using DE, I still get to be pregnant, still get to have this baby from birth, and it will still be genetically linked to my husband. Of course the downsides are (this is just what's in my head - not everyone feels this way about it, at all) that you lose the genetic link, and that essentially, you have a baby that is your husband's/partner's and biologically someone else's. But, again, I keep coming back to that I still get to have a baby that I raise from birth and who is linked to my husband.

Also, it can take a while depending on if you use fresh or frozen. I have actually not started the process yet as I've been in research mode (fresh vs frozen, success rates, unknown/known donor, which clinic, what tests are needed, etc.). From what I've read, fresh have a slightly higher success rates, and if you want bio siblings you can do a 1:1 fresh cycle where you get all of the eggs (although you don't know how many the donor will produce). Or you can buy multiple lots of frozen for that purpose. Frozen are faster because they're already in the bank and ready to go, and you know how many eggs are there.

There's so much to think about I hope that the journey goes well for you!


OP here - yes! This is so similar to my story! Most women seem to have a baby within 1-3 cycles, so I feel like such an outlier. Thanks for replying - I hate that you had to go through this but it's comforting that I'm not alone. I'm sorry it didn't work for you, but best of luck as you move forward!


DP with the sneaky uterine issues here. This is key and you are absolutely spot on. Most women DO have success within 3 cycles and I really feel like if it doesn't work by then, your issue just isn't fixable by IVF. Of course women get lucky and have success, but they also have spontaneous pregnancies after stopping IVF. We did not exhaust our insurance coverage, so could have kept going, but it really felt like a lot of physical and emotional effort (and those drugs are a lot to put your body through!) for something that had very little odds of success. We were given single digit odds for continuing IVF, which was only a few percentage points higher than continuing on our own and hoping to get lucky. I think it is REALLY hard to stop the treatment train once you're already on it. You get into such a routine that it becomes normal for you. But it's not and in hindsight it's more hard and stressful than you realize in the moment. It feels really unnatural to give up the last bit of hope, but please know that moving to donor eggs isn't giving up hope, it's shifting your mindset and figuring out another path forward. My heart goes out to you and everyone else that's facing the end of the road with a bio child. It's unfair and I wish life didn't turn out this way for all of us.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:55     Subject: Re:How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Anonymous wrote:OP have you done testing for immune issues? Or ERA? And have you tried both PGS as well as fresh transfers?

I think it's probably time, but I'd want to answer those questions to feel fully at peace that it's my eggs, not my uterus.


Thanks for replying - my immune testing all came back normal. I haven't done an ERA, but I'm definately going to dig a little more to make sure I've covered everything I can on the uterine issues side. I've only done fresh transfers - that's what my doctors at CFA and Cornell suggested. My SGF doctor only wanted to transfer PGS normal embryos, but we didn't get any. I think the max stim protocol compromised my egg quality, but it could just be my age.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:51     Subject: How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Anonymous wrote:If you're pretty confident you don't have any sneaky uterine issues that could account for the losses (I had had 3 rounds of IVF and 3 natural conception miscarriages before we found very sneaky endometritis that I'm guessing caused at least one of the losses), I think it's time to move to donor eggs. You've given it a really good shot and if what you want is a baby, then donor eggs are much more likely to get you there. We decided to stop treatment, but knew we were done trying for an OE baby (unless we have some one in a million natural conception that sticks) after feeling emotionally done with IVF and after the third loss. Good luck with whatever you choose, there are no easy answers here for sure.


Thanks - I do have a little endometriosis, but was never told it was a problem. I'll definately look into that more, in addition to other sneaky uterine issues that might have been missed. 3 losses...sounds so rough. My heart goes out to you. Best of luck to you too.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:45     Subject: Re:How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
OP have you done testing for immune issues? Or ERA? And have you tried both PGS as well as fresh transfers?

I think it's probably time, but I'd want to answer those questions to feel fully at peace that it's my eggs, not my uterus.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:21     Subject: Re:How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Anonymous wrote:I feel for you, OP. I also had 8 rounds of IVF and several rounds of medicated IUIs between ages 40 and 44. I had one chemical, five day five embryos to PGS test abnormal, and around 15 day three embryos that were transferred over several IVF rounds that resulted in.....nothing. After my last round of IVF failed, I decided to consider DE because I was exhausted, broke, and emotionally drained. It's taken me many months to come around to it, and that's with seeing a therapist who specializes in infertility issues.

I think my thought process has been that I want a baby and I 've been trying for one for a really long time. If I have one using DE, I still get to be pregnant, still get to have this baby from birth, and it will still be genetically linked to my husband. Of course the downsides are (this is just what's in my head - not everyone feels this way about it, at all) that you lose the genetic link, and that essentially, you have a baby that is your husband's/partner's and biologically someone else's. But, again, I keep coming back to that I still get to have a baby that I raise from birth and who is linked to my husband.

Also, it can take a while depending on if you use fresh or frozen. I have actually not started the process yet as I've been in research mode (fresh vs frozen, success rates, unknown/known donor, which clinic, what tests are needed, etc.). From what I've read, fresh have a slightly higher success rates, and if you want bio siblings you can do a 1:1 fresh cycle where you get all of the eggs (although you don't know how many the donor will produce). Or you can buy multiple lots of frozen for that purpose. Frozen are faster because they're already in the bank and ready to go, and you know how many eggs are there.

There's so much to think about I hope that the journey goes well for you!


OP here - yes! This is so similar to my story! Most women seem to have a baby within 1-3 cycles, so I feel like such an outlier. Thanks for replying - I hate that you had to go through this but it's comforting that I'm not alone. I'm sorry it didn't work for you, but best of luck as you move forward!
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:16     Subject: How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Anonymous wrote:Now. I’m sorry.


Thank you. I think I need to hear this, but I'm not ready to talk to anyone other than my therapist about it.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:15     Subject: Re:How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you’ve done 8 cycles at 3 different clinics. If you have the resources and want to keep trying—then do it. If you want to increase your odds of expanding your family sooner, I’d say it is time to move on to DE. Why do you think it will take long? How many months or years have you been doing IF treatments so far? (SG moves their egg donors along pretty swiftly—that was never a concern when moving from OE to DE.) Good luck whatever you choose.


OP here - I appreciate this. I'm lucky to have insurance that mostly covers IVF, but not DE IVF, so cost-wise, it's been easier to keep going with OE. I'm Indian, so will probably need to use an agency if we hope to find a donor who looks vaguely like us, so that's my concern re: it talking a while. I'll use SGF since I like my doctor there, so glad to hear they move quickly.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:08     Subject: How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
If you're pretty confident you don't have any sneaky uterine issues that could account for the losses (I had had 3 rounds of IVF and 3 natural conception miscarriages before we found very sneaky endometritis that I'm guessing caused at least one of the losses), I think it's time to move to donor eggs. You've given it a really good shot and if what you want is a baby, then donor eggs are much more likely to get you there. We decided to stop treatment, but knew we were done trying for an OE baby (unless we have some one in a million natural conception that sticks) after feeling emotionally done with IVF and after the third loss. Good luck with whatever you choose, there are no easy answers here for sure.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:06     Subject: Re:How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
I feel for you, OP. I also had 8 rounds of IVF and several rounds of medicated IUIs between ages 40 and 44. I had one chemical, five day five embryos to PGS test abnormal, and around 15 day three embryos that were transferred over several IVF rounds that resulted in.....nothing. After my last round of IVF failed, I decided to consider DE because I was exhausted, broke, and emotionally drained. It's taken me many months to come around to it, and that's with seeing a therapist who specializes in infertility issues.

I think my thought process has been that I want a baby and I 've been trying for one for a really long time. If I have one using DE, I still get to be pregnant, still get to have this baby from birth, and it will still be genetically linked to my husband. Of course the downsides are (this is just what's in my head - not everyone feels this way about it, at all) that you lose the genetic link, and that essentially, you have a baby that is your husband's/partner's and biologically someone else's. But, again, I keep coming back to that I still get to have a baby that I raise from birth and who is linked to my husband.

Also, it can take a while depending on if you use fresh or frozen. I have actually not started the process yet as I've been in research mode (fresh vs frozen, success rates, unknown/known donor, which clinic, what tests are needed, etc.). From what I've read, fresh have a slightly higher success rates, and if you want bio siblings you can do a 1:1 fresh cycle where you get all of the eggs (although you don't know how many the donor will produce). Or you can buy multiple lots of frozen for that purpose. Frozen are faster because they're already in the bank and ready to go, and you know how many eggs are there.

There's so much to think about I hope that the journey goes well for you!
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 13:03     Subject: How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Now. I’m sorry.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 12:59     Subject: Re:How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
Honestly, you’ve done 8 cycles at 3 different clinics. If you have the resources and want to keep trying—then do it. If you want to increase your odds of expanding your family sooner, I’d say it is time to move on to DE. Why do you think it will take long? How many months or years have you been doing IF treatments so far? (SG moves their egg donors along pretty swiftly—that was never a concern when moving from OE to DE.) Good luck whatever you choose.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2021 12:28     Subject: How do you know it's time for donor eggs?
I know this is a very personal decision, but I’m curious about others’ thought processes surrounding the decision to use a DE. I’ve done 5 rounds of IVF at CFA, 2 at SGF, and 1 at Cornell. I’m in the tww now for this last round and feeling like it didn’t work, so I need a plan. It’s possible I could do more rounds at either Cornell or CFA (my SGF doctor has said it’s time for DE). I always have an ok number of eggs fertilized, but I’ve had 3 chemicals and 1 MC (spontaneous pregnancy) and no babies. I keep thinking that ALL my eggs can’t be abnormal (I’m 42) and if I keep rolling the dice I’ll eventually transfer one that works. But after 8 unsuccessful rounds maybe it’s time to move to DE. I'm just having a hard time getting my mind around it, especially how long it will take.