My DH was planning to get a vasectomy years ago and then backed out last minute. It seemed to give him a lot of anxiety (which was not really typical for him). I basically decided that I wasn’t going to force medical procedures on anyone. I wouldn’t like it if he told me what to do with my body, so I applied the same standard.

Get an IUD or try a few BC pills. There are so many nowadays and they are low dose. It’s not like it was 25 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:Ha - I could have written this! After our 2nd, my husband didn't outright refuse a vasectomy, just never got around to scheduling it. I couldn't go on BC for similar reasons. And I now have 3 kids.

Did he eventually get that vasectomy?

Reluctant at 40 to get a vasectomy means he's planning to leave you at 50 for a 25 year old who will want a baby. Instead of worrying about BC you should be making sure you're prepared for a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

OP here. I can’t do BC because I’ve had very bad side effects to most of the ones I tried. They also ruin hour natural hormones and it can mess things up once you get off of them. My husband hates using condoms. I love sex so withholding sex is not an option. I find it be very immature and not healthy for a marriage. I think he needs to get a vasectomy.

Withholding sex and declining sex without birth control are 2 different things. Your only other option is natural family planning,


That's it. You're 38, way too old for magical thinking. Which I don't want to do this. He doesn't want to do that, But some how magically I'm going to get what I want is,

Tell him to use a condom or get a vasectomy.

Ha - I could have written this! After our 2nd, my husband didn't outright refuse a vasectomy, just never got around to scheduling it. I couldn't go on BC for similar reasons. And I now have 3 kids.

My dh doesn’t want more kids but doesn’t want a vasectomy either. I don’t do well on BCps so we use condoms exclusively. It doesn’t bother me. I figure if he wants sex without a condom, he’ll get a vasectomy eventually

Get an iud.

You either stay on birth control.

He wears a condom ( I think this is the fairest solution time for him to take some responsibility for the birth control)


You don't have sex.

Did you have 2 girls and he wanted one of each?

I also wasn't interested in shutting that door before I was 40, although I know vasectomies can be reversed.

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

OP here. I can’t do BC because I’ve had very bad side effects to most of the ones I tried. They also ruin hour natural hormones and it can mess things up once you get off of them. My husband hates using condoms. I love sex so withholding sex is not an option. I find it be very immature and not healthy for a marriage. I think he needs to get a vasectomy.

Anonymous wrote:Get your tubes tied. He should man up and get snipped, but if he won’t, you take care of you.

OP here. Getting my tubes tied is more of an invasive procedure than getting a vasectomy.

Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

Get your tubes tied. He should man up and get snipped, but if he won’t, you take care of you.

My husband and I are at an odds with him getting a vasectomy. We have two beautiful kids and I’m done. I’ve always said I wanted 2-3 kids but two is perfect for us. There are a lot of reasons I think staying at two kids makes sense - age, career, time, etc. I’m 38 and it’s really hard balancing work with equal time for both kids. My husband is very involved and we split most things 50/50. He’s a great father. He wants to leave the door open to a third but I know a third child is not an option. I want him to get a vasectomy but he wants to wait another 1-2 years until I’m sure. He hates using protection and I don’t like being on BC. I don’t really know how to come to an agreement on this.