You need help, so I definitely don't think you're crazy for starting daycare in the pandemic.

We didn't start a new daycare during the pandemic, but my daughter is in regular pre-covid daycare. Honestly, it's been great but not without some hiccups, but this is not a normal time. My daycare daughter did come into close contact with a Covid+ classmate and she and her whole class had to quarantine for 14 days. So my son also had to do distance learning those 2 weeks, per his school policy. (Fortunately she didn't get it and neither did any of her other classmates.) . BUT, that was just 1 2-week period since she went back to daycare in June.

FWIW our daycare does after-hour tours for potential families.

And get your mom her own TV!

Hugs OP! You gotta do it and I hope the first thing you do is take a day off when your house is quiet and REST! I’m putting my kids in daycare for the first time in a week and I am so excited for them and for us. They are starved for socialization.

I am not comparing this to your situation AT ALL, but just to help solidify your decision, we had a nanny home with all of us for a while and it was a shitshow because the kids were constantly trying to get to DH and me. So I agree that’s not the best solution! Best wishes to you - hope this is a positive change.

Anonymous wrote:That's insane. We have a one year old and are surviving (barely) without childcare. I don't understand how you've even done it this long. Daycare immediately.

Agreed! OP, I am exhausted just reading your post. Do whatever you need for your mental health!

Bless you for getting by this long without extra help and all these caregiving responsibilities while working. I would not hesitate to put the younger two in daycare. It will be better for you and them. Reputable facilities have all kinds of safety protocols and mitigation strategies. I have three kids and work full-time. My youngest is 7 and it was such a struggle trying to work and manage his online schooling at the same time. We moved him to a small in-person school in October and never looked back! They’ve had no COVID cases.

Do it in a heartbeat.

Day care is a good option. Its not perfect, and I get how nervewracking it would be to start at a new daycare during COVID. But, a lot of them have spots when they used to have years long waitlists. I'd highly recommend asking to talk to current parents Since you likely won't be allowed to tour in person (if you go to a center) or you may feel more comfortable at a smaller in-home day care.

Sign the kids up! Maybe I’m being optimistic, but I think it will get easier to get vaccine spots over the next month or so.

Ugh hugs OP, sounds so hard.

OP here - Thanks everyone. I don't know how I've been surviving but I looked at myself in the mirror today and I realize that I've been sacraficing me. I look so tired and old - but mostly tired. There are days where I don't get to bathe, things I did as norm like getting a manicure haven't happened in a year and I can't tell you the last time we had sex. I just feel so guilty about putting them in daycare - not only is there a risk we could all get covid but I'm home so I feel like I should be able to keep them with me.

I appreciate all of the kind words though and I will be signing the younger two up. I tried to get my mom an appointment for her vaccine but of course there are none. My plan is to sign them up regardless and then try to help her get an appointment. If she doesn't go then at least I tried.

Agree with PPs that daycare is the way forward. Like a PP we tried with a one year old to both WFH, split the work evenly and we're totally burnt out after 4 months. No idea how you have survived this long.

9no and 5yo here. We both WFH, but they are back in daycare now. I tried to manage both at home while working (your DH sounds like mine), and it was completely unsustainable. I could manage the baby, but the 5yo needs constant interaction all day long.
Find a daycare that is taking lots of precautions. I have all sorts of anxiety about it myself, because I am higher risk for covid, but I had to be able to keep my job.

That's insane. We have a one year old and are surviving (barely) without childcare. I don't understand how you've even done it this long. Daycare immediately.

Thanks PP, she hasn’t been vaccinated and when I asked her if I should try to get her an appointment she said “I’ve got bigger health problems than covid, I have to get a colonoscopy.” You can see I’m not working with a rational person and I can’t force her to get the vaccine but I will try to make the appointment for her. If she doesn’t go then it’s on her.

I appreciate this though - at least I’ll do my due diligence by trying to get my mom vaccinated before we start daycare.

Wow, this is so much to handle.

No, I don't think you're crazy at all for going the daycare route. YOu need some help!! The only other option, you might consider is a nanny share where your kids go to the other person's house. That might be hard to find though.

Has your mom been vaccinated yet? I think you need to have an honest conversation with her about the tv downstairs being for general use. IF she wants to watch something, she can go to her own room to watch. Otherwise, the TV shouldn't be on all day with an adult just watching it, especially when there are 4 kids to take care of. And especially since 2 of the kids are in virtual school.

I know this may be crazy but I can't take it anymore and I need help.

I have an 8 year old, 7 year old, a 20-month old, and a 4-month old. In addition, my 68-year old mother lives with DH and I but it feels like I am doing the brunt of all of the child rearing. I'm also working full-time (or at least I'm supposed to but I'm barely hanging on there). When I try to ask DH for help he gets super defensive and wants detailed accounts of how he's not helping, then he turns it around to tell me all the ways I'm wrong and he's right. I can't engage in that nonsense any longer, if I do I will seriously lose it and I know I will say things that will hurt him.

My mother is a hypochondriac and self-diagnoses every week, this week she’s decided that she has early onset dementia. Plus all she wants to do is sit in front of the TV and hold the baby – which would be great if it was a different kid but this child likes to watch his siblings and to be talked to. She also monopolizes the only TV downstairs (even though there is one in her room) so I can’t even park the toddler in front of the TV for a few minutes lest it interrupt her Law and Order episodes.

I don’t think I can handle another person in this house so I am leaning to signing up the younger two for daycare vs. in-home nanny. There isn’t anyone else I can talk to about this. My best friend has two little ones and has been working (she’s essential healthcare) but her DH was laid off and she’s stressed enough. Do you think I’m crazy for going the daycare route at this time? Are there options I’m not considering?