Anonymous wrote:I explained what a calorie is and why a healthy body needs them, plus the variables that go into how many energy units you need to put in the human machine to keep it working at optimum health. I explain that not all calories are the same, and about empty calories and how they force us to increase the caloric intake so that we also get the nutrients we need from nutrient dense calories. I also point out that some calories contain elements that are harmful to the body, either immediately or over long term abuse.

With my athlete, we also discuss that his body uses different calories at different times and how to focus on the kind of energy he needs when he needs it. With my child who has health issues, we discuss the interaction between medications and nutrition and weight.

I have them think of the human body as part machine, and their job is to learn the operator's manual. Analogies to cars are useful because they see the gas going in and know there are different kinds of fuels and that not all cars can operate (optimally or at all) on the same kinds of fuel.

I think this is a good advice. If she is talking about calories, meet her there, and educate her on calories.

I explained what a calorie is and why a healthy body needs them, plus the variables that go into how many energy units you need to put in the human machine to keep it working at optimum health. I explain that not all calories are the same, and about empty calories and how they force us to increase the caloric intake so that we also get the nutrients we need from nutrient dense calories. I also point out that some calories contain elements that are harmful to the body, either immediately or over long term abuse.

With my athlete, we also discuss that his body uses different calories at different times and how to focus on the kind of energy he needs when he needs it. With my child who has health issues, we discuss the interaction between medications and nutrition and weight.

I have them think of the human body as part machine, and their job is to learn the operator's manual. Analogies to cars are useful because they see the gas going in and know there are different kinds of fuels and that not all cars can operate (optimally or at all) on the same kinds of fuel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unclear whether your daughter is asking about calories in foods or counting calories. There is a difference between the two. If she just learned about calories, and is curious about calories in foods, you can point out a few calorie levels in foods if you know them. Is she actually counting how many calories she eats?

This is my thought, too. However, I think it is a good idea as pointed out by another PP to see if you can check out her social media and searches. You should also talk to her (casually) to see if her curiosity/questions/counting is being influenced by a friend because it could be that this friend is exerting an unhealthy influence. If she is becoming super-focused and counting calories then you will want to act. Girls and young women move to food control as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Finally, you should reach out to the PE/Health teacher to inquire about the current topics they are discussing so that you know if the questions are coming from there AND you should reach out to your daughter's guidance counselor to find out if there is anything going on socially with the girls in her class. This is definitely something the guidance counselor will want to know about if your daughter is moving into an acute awareness stage or actual action, and if other girls are doing the same thing. The school may already have a girl social group that your daughter could join IF the guidance counselor thinks it is warranted.

This is a really important point about seeing what she is learning in school. My kids started talking about good foods and bad foods, a paradigm I avoid when discussing food, and it turns out they were learning that in school (this in pre K so it wasn’t alarming but it was good to know where they were getting the idea).

Anonymous wrote:It's unclear whether your daughter is asking about calories in foods or counting calories. There is a difference between the two. If she just learned about calories, and is curious about calories in foods, you can point out a few calorie levels in foods if you know them. Is she actually counting how many calories she eats?

This is my thought, too. However, I think it is a good idea as pointed out by another PP to see if you can check out her social media and searches. You should also talk to her (casually) to see if her curiosity/questions/counting is being influenced by a friend because it could be that this friend is exerting an unhealthy influence. If she is becoming super-focused and counting calories then you will want to act. Girls and young women move to food control as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Finally, you should reach out to the PE/Health teacher to inquire about the current topics they are discussing so that you know if the questions are coming from there AND you should reach out to your daughter's guidance counselor to find out if there is anything going on socially with the girls in her class. This is definitely something the guidance counselor will want to know about if your daughter is moving into an acute awareness stage or actual action, and if other girls are doing the same thing. The school may already have a girl social group that your daughter could join IF the guidance counselor thinks it is warranted.

I recommend the podcast, Food We Need to Talk. A good one to listen to in the car w/your tween that can help facilitate important, necessary conversations around food and bodies and dieting.

https://www.npr.org/podcasts/785605906/food-we-need-to-talk

Anonymous wrote:I would introduce the food pyramid. It’s a visual for help you understand the healthier selections.

https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-eating-pyramid/

Nooooooo. This is so outdated.

PP again. People saying she isn't counting are delusional and totally unaware of the research on this topic.

OP, does she have independent access to a phone, tablet, or computer? I would assume yes, which is appropriate at that age. Look and see if she has downloaded any calorie counting apps or visited their websites. If she is on any form of social media, check what she is following. There is a LOT of toxic dieting advice. And a lot of it masquerades as a "healthy lifestyle."

She could also just be counting in her head or on paper, but keeping an eye on what media she is being exposed to in this arena will be important.

I know I sound alarmist, OP, especially if you're not familiar with the research in the last 10 years on eating disorders. But the decisions made now are very important. She doesn't need to see you over-reacting, but I promise you'd rather look back in 5 years and think "Gosh, I don't know what I worried about, it probably was kind of silly to see a dietician" than "I wish I'd gotten professional help sooner."

It is worth doing your research on dieticians too, be careful you pick one who is very well-versed in teen topics and who does not promote dieting or talk a lot about calories. Ones with Intuitive Eating training (the official system, not a general topic) will usually be a good indicator they are up to date. But there are a lot of dieticians in the field who have their own hangups and disorders, and don't understand the danger of restriction.

If you can find a practice with a few dieticians, my experience has been those are often the best. There is some level of accountability to how they practice. Many great dieticians are individual practices though. Every insurance is difference of course, but our current insurance covers in-network dieticians at 100% which is amazing. A lot of individual dieticians don't take insurance but a practice usually will.

See a dietician who specializes in teens immediately. Vet out their approach to ensure they have a body positive, food positive approach and do not condone pre-teens counting calories.

The number one predictor of an eating disorder is dieting, especially in young teens/pre-teens. It literally, physically/chemically, creates this push & pull in the brain to restrict, be triggered to overdo it (triggered by brain chemistry), then restrict harder and have a big shame and guilt cycle that makes it worse and involves hiding what you're doing.

I am a big fan of Ellyn Satter Institute for insight on child eating topics. I would not work with a dietician who wasn't familiar with that work. But you are into working with an actual dietician territory, don't try to DIY this.

I know people will think this is over-reactionary, but it is because we live so deeply in a damaging diet culture. It IS ok to want to care for your body and be in good physical shape, including how you eat and move. But the vast majority of "conventional wisdom" on this topic is incredibly damaging. And many doctors are not well educated on this.

Why do you think she’s counting? Counting isn’t the same as asking. You said commenting, what comments is she making? How are you responding? OT sure whether this is a problem or not with so few details. Knowing calories isn’t a bad thing by itself.

It's unclear whether your daughter is asking about calories in foods or counting calories. There is a difference between the two. If she just learned about calories, and is curious about calories in foods, you can point out a few calorie levels in foods if you know them. Is she actually counting how many calories she eats?

I would introduce the food pyramid. It’s a visual for help you understand the healthier selections.

https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-eating-pyramid/

+1 to pps response above. And try to avoid “good food vs bad food” talk completely. Food is food, keep it really neutral and focus more on listening to your body. And calories show the amount of energy in a food (focusing on the actual science of it, not the dieting use of it). It’s a good time to start helping her become more aware of what information people might be trying to give her and why - what are these food advertisements we just saw together trying to make you think? To market to you?” And always always avoid any talk at all about your own body, trying to lose weight or “eat healthy” with goals of trying to change your body as this has been shown to really really impact kids. Kids eat in color on Instagram is mostly for younger kids but has some good info on this, I think she probably has a relevant highlight

How do you talk about food, calories, and promote healthy eating with your kids? If you have a high schooler or young adult, is there anything that you are glad you did or wish you had done differently?

I talk about it like "Orange foods help you see better - let's try carrots five different ways and see which of those ways you like." "These red peppers are good for your heart." I have never talked about calories. I have talked about healthy fats like EVOO, avocado, nuts, etc. I have talked about hydration, heart health, etc. I have kids ranging in age from 10-27. If my kid asked about how many calories were in something I would tell the truth, "I don't know, and I don't worry about calories. You shouldn't either. You're a growing child - food is fuel, and you need calories in order to grow."

Just be honest about it. They did a health class and talked about it as part of a section in PE so it may have come from that.

My daughter has started asking/commenting on the calories in food. I talk about eating healthy with my kids in terms of eating balanced and nutritional foods, but I don't talk about calories and I'm not sure it's good for my six grader to be trying to count calories.

How do you talk about food, calories, and promote healthy eating with your kids? If you have a high schooler or young adult, is there anything that you are glad you did or wish you had done differently?