Can do? Or motivated to do without being asked? Those are very different things. I did doing all those things by 6th grade. Would I have thought, "gee, I think the yard needs raking. I'll go that now!" No. I was asked to do it and no one was keeping track of what I did, I would wait till the last minute. So would my 17 yr old brother. Cleaning my room ~ I would have shoved things under the bed if I could have gotten away with that. Same for 17 yr old.

Washing the clothes *I THOUGHT I NEEDED*, cooking dinner for myself because I wanted something to eat, all the other items on your list, I was doing in 6th grade.

-shave themselves? yes
-do laundry? yes, but DH or I will often help, just to be kind
-clean the house (how much/how often)? we have six people in the house, so no one person has to clean the house themselves. But our 13 year old knows HOW to clean everything and does some components of it daily and weekly
-clean their room? yes, but again, DH or I will sometimes help
-go to a store/cafe? of course
-yard work? we have a garden that the kids solely maintain themselves
-cook? How much/often? Right now since we're all home, everyone is responsible for one meal every two days. Yesterday she made banana pancakes for breakfast. Tomorrow she's making meatsauce with pasta and a salad for dinner
-bake? yes. right now she's really into baking little egg muffins with cut up veggies in them. but she's also baked cakes for people's birthdays - she and a friend baked a cake last year for Ed Sheeran's birthday, she bakes pasta dishes, etc.

Our 14 year old DS can do most of those things:

-shaves but not always as often as I’d like
-does his own laundry, but not always folded & put away timely
-clean the house - he vacuums, dusts, keeps his room tidy, organizes & purges, sweeps, dishes, wipes counters & glass. HeLK, our 6 year old can do all of that except put away dishes.
-clean their room - see above plus semi annual purge of clothes that don’t fit and cleaning of drawers and closet
-go to a store/cafe - none of us do that these days, he’ll need some catching up when it’s safe
-yard work - takes care of all garbage related tasks, helps with other work but none independently
-cook? He can feed himself breakfast, lunch, smoothies, snacks. He can do more but we’re always here and we cook daily so it’s rare he needs to do more than heat up.
-bake? Hasn’t tried or had interest

I have a 12 and 15 yr old.
-shave themselves? - NONE - neither kids need to at the moment
-do laundry? - fold, put away, put dirty clothes in laundry machine. They do know how to turn it on, but since we combine laundry, I don't have them turn it on most of the tme.
-clean the house (how much/how often)? - once a week, sweep, vaccum, dust. They have never really cleaned the toilet.
-clean their room? - absolutely. Once a week.
-go to a store/cafe? - yes, they have also taken the bus by themselves to a store
-yard work? - rake leaves, help plant, mow the lawn
-cook? How much/often? - yes, every lunch (DL at home)
-bake? - yes - cookies, cake, mousse - and this is the 12 yr old

Lists op. Get them to write their own lists and cross things off as they happen.

Anonymous wrote:How much can your young teen do by themselves? How much do they actually do without being asked/forced?

-shave themselves?
-do laundry?
-clean the house (how much/how often)?
-clean their room?
-go to a store/cafe?
-yard work?
-cook? How much/often?
-bake?

I’m trying to encourage my ASD kid to be more independent, but being my oldest, I’m trying to find realistic expectations.

12 yo twins - DS and DD

shave themselves? N/A
-do laundry? Both yes
-clean the house (how much/how often)? Both yes, weekly chores
-clean their room? Both yes
-go to a store/cafe? Would be fine with me, and they could, but has not happened yet
-yard work? Both yes
-cook? How much/often? Both yes. Weekly at minimum. DD cooks a lot more than DS (she enjoys it more)
-bake? DD yes (is a hobby for her), DS noooo

12 year old girl:
Shave, yes. Learned this summer.
Laundry, started at age 8. Does it all now, but doesn’t sort anything just does one big load every week. No idea what the folding looks like nor do I care since I’m not doing it 😂
Cleaning: dusts, vacuums her bedroom/basement rec/school room and cleans own bathroom each week. Also cleans up after 2 pets.
Store- will be one of the first post-pandemic things but not yet
Yard work- assists when asked
Cook- can make simple things like scrambled eggs, box Mac and cheese, plain pasta, chicken nuggets, etc in oven
Bake- better baker than I am! Cakes, pies, cookies, frosting

Anonymous wrote:How much can your young teen do by themselves? How much do they actually do without being asked/forced?

-shave themselves?
-do laundry?
-clean the house (how much/how often)?
-clean their room?
-go to a store/cafe?
-yard work?
-cook? How much/often?
-bake?

I’m trying to encourage my ASD kid to be more independent, but being my oldest, I’m trying to find realistic expectations.

- Shave? YES

- Laundry? YES, but needs reminders about separating and about correct water temperature

- Clean the house? Well... she will vacuum, wipe counters, and dust if asked, but I wouldn't say she does a thorough job.

- Clean her room? Not very effectively

- Go to a store? She walks to Starbucks

- Yard work? She helps with weeding, raking leaves, and shoveling snow, but she doesn't mow

- Cook? YES, she makes lots of things in the Instant Pot. She also makes the family spaghetti, homemade pizza (with pre-made dough), homemade Mac and cheese, and a few other things.

- Bake? YES, a lot! During Covid, she has baked almost every day. She makes cakes, pies, cookies, pastries, and bread often.

13 year old dd can do all of that. She can clean the house but certainly doesn’t like to.

But I would post this in the special needs board. ASD is a whole different ballgame.

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. It's very frustrating. She'd rather starve than cook. I have to remind about teeth, showers, meds.... clean??? LOLOLOL

Glad to read that I’m not the only one dealing with this!

My older two kids are just 15 (last week) and 12.

- Neither shaves.
- They are ok at laundry with instructions; their younger sibling can do it alone. (long story)
- Both have experience cleaning the house. 15 does things better than 12. Both are better when I ask for one thing rather than help cleaning the entire house. My 15 year old can clean a bathroom like nobody's business!
- Both can clean their rooms well, buy things in a store, pick up the dry cleaning while I live park, etc. We haven't pushed much yard work, but they know how to help and will do it when asked. The leaf blower is a big favorite.
-- 12 is an excellent baker and cooks reasonable things like nachos, mac and cheese. Hasn't tried many main courses, but knows how to follow a recipe and it is something I"m encouraging. 15 tries to make 12 or 10 cook for him! But he can do pasta, eggs, grilled cheese and anything in the microwave.

My 12 yo DD can do all these things but will only cook and bake (for herself when she feels like it) and shave without being asked. As for shaving I guess it’s not something I’d ever tell her to do so I’m not sure if that counts.

I have to ask her, sometimes multiple times, to do everything else. Including deodorant. It’s not too bad though.

My 12 year old DD can do all of that by herself, except for yard work and cooking (she does know how to bake a few things), but she wouldn’t necessarily decide to do any of it herself without some serious cajoling on my part.

Not at all. It's very frustrating. She'd rather starve than cook. I have to remind about teeth, showers, meds.... clean??? LOLOLOL

How much can your young teen do by themselves? How much do they actually do without being asked/forced?

-shave themselves?
-do laundry?
-clean the house (how much/how often)?
-clean their room?
-go to a store/cafe?
-yard work?
-cook? How much/often?
-bake?

I’m trying to encourage my ASD kid to be more independent, but being my oldest, I’m trying to find realistic expectations.