Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely part of the whole package.

The night I met my wife it was because she was smoking hot. When I later found out she had a graduate degree in STEM and a great job—that made her even more attractive.

We don’t need her salary, but she has always been able to work from home since our kids were born and what she does has value which I respect a lot.

She is extremely bright and seeing our sons easily are straight A students in all honors/AP as well as athletic and good-looking like her...I chose right.

This is what I see IRL too. Educated UMC men typically want to marry educated UMC women who have the same views on education etc to raise their children. The SAHMs married to high earning men have advanced degrees and stopped working to raise the kids because the husband has a demanding career that pays well. It's too hectic for them to also have a wife who works when they have kids. I see a lot of big law husbands married to SAHMs who used to practice law too. No way can you raise well adjusted children with two big law parents. I've also seen your set up with the wife taking a mommy track position and acting as the default parent, or taking a year or two off here or there.

I’m the pp and I agree with this.

The reason I was able to keep my job with my husband’s more demanding one was because I had the ability to WAH with a flex schedule.

I didn’t want to give up face time when my kids were young. I probably would have dropped to part-time if I didn’t have that ability because I need work structure or I get lazy and my brain gets soft.

If my spouse was a surgeon with crazy on-call or a profession where he traveled constantly it would be tough to juggle. My husband was able to get all local work once our first child was born. He’s an independent consultant. My Fed health benefits helped with his ability to consult independently and keep great benefits. It’s a team.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely part of the whole package.

The night I met my wife it was because she was smoking hot. When I later found out she had a graduate degree in STEM and a great job—that made her even more attractive.

We don’t need her salary, but she has always been able to work from home since our kids were born and what she does has value which I respect a lot.

She is extremely bright and seeing our sons easily are straight A students in all honors/AP as well as athletic and good-looking like her...I chose right.

This is what I see IRL too. Educated UMC men typically want to marry educated UMC women who have the same views on education etc to raise their children. The SAHMs married to high earning men have advanced degrees and stopped working to raise the kids because the husband has a demanding career that pays well. It's too hectic for them to also have a wife who works when they have kids. I see a lot of big law husbands married to SAHMs who used to practice law too. No way can you raise well adjusted children with two big law parents. I've also seen your set up with the wife taking a mommy track position and acting as the default parent, or taking a year or two off here or there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I make good money. If I didn't, perhaps I would.

This. Men with a very high income don't care. They likely won't marry a waitress (but never say never), but fields that don't pay a lot such as mid level practitioner, social work, therapist, non-profit are all fine.

If a man is making a closer to average salary and not able to support a SAH spouse while still maintaining lifestyle and financial goals, then what the spouse makes it much more important. In other words, if the spouse's income will go toward a significant portion of household finances, what they make matters.

This. A man earning $150K is going to have a very different lifestyle supporting a SAH spouse vs. marrying someone also earning $150K. A man earning $500K can support a SAH spouse so the family life is much less stressful.

Definitely part of the whole package.

The night I met my wife it was because she was smoking hot. When I later found out she had a graduate degree in STEM and a great job—that made her even more attractive.

We don’t need her salary, but she has always been able to work from home since our kids were born and what she does has value which I respect a lot.

She is extremely bright and seeing our sons easily are straight A students in all honors/AP as well as athletic and good-looking like her...I chose right.

No. I'd rather marry a frugal woman who makes $40,000 and isn't greedy and won't nag me about making more money than a $100,000 a year woman who needs a new Mercedes every other year.

The worst case was a friend who was married to a double-grad-degree woman who wouldn't work, but was always after him to earn more so she could spend more. Disgusting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I make good money. If I didn't, perhaps I would.

This. Men with a very high income don't care. They likely won't marry a waitress (but never say never), but fields that don't pay a lot such as mid level practitioner, social work, therapist, non-profit are all fine.

If a man is making a closer to average salary and not able to support a SAH spouse while still maintaining lifestyle and financial goals, then what the spouse makes it much more important. In other words, if the spouse's income will go toward a significant portion of household finances, what they make matters.

I guess I fall more toward the latter. I am 40, DC area, and make between $250-$300k annually (depending on bonus), with good advancement potential.

My DW could stay home on that, but with three kids, I don’t think we would reach all our goals (house, retirement, college savings, travel).

Instead, she works, making $160k. That is a huge help, and with our combined salaries, we have much more economic freedom. Trips to Rome, Hawaii, Vail. Private school for kids when public schools let us down. I value those things, and that my wife works hard for our family (just like I do).

My DH makes 1/4 what I do. He was very sensitive about being sure to pay for all of our dates so I “didn’t feel used.” It matters far less now, although I know he still thinks about it sometimes when I say I’m looking at a major house reno or an expensive vacation.

Anonymous wrote:No, but I make good money. If I didn't, perhaps I would.

This. Men with a very high income don't care. They likely won't marry a waitress (but never say never), but fields that don't pay a lot such as mid level practitioner, social work, therapist, non-profit are all fine.

If a man is making a closer to average salary and not able to support a SAH spouse while still maintaining lifestyle and financial goals, then what the spouse makes it much more important. In other words, if the spouse's income will go toward a significant portion of household finances, what they make matters.

The only men I've known to care about a woman's money beyond fiscal responsibility were more often than not the type of men you wouldn't want to date or be married to.

No

For me, I wanted someone that could afford the lifestyle they wanted to live...take away the things that a joint income would play into (like housing, where you live, etc). DW doesn't make a ton, but she was able to afford the things she wanted to buy and wasn't going into credit card debt or looking for someone to supplement her lifestyle. None of it matters now because everything is joint, but it was definitely something I looked at when I was dating.

When I was younger and making a lot of money out of college, I dated a woman who spent a lot of my money and I didn't want to end up in that situation again.

Anonymous wrote:No, but I make good money. If I didn't, perhaps I would.

This, but even before I made good money I didn’t care. Work is an investment, I would rather DW invest in other things.

Of course.

No, but I make good money. If I didn't, perhaps I would.

I assume for short term, it’s a no (you can correct me if I’m wrong). But what if it’s someone you will eventually marry and have a family with? Does it matter then?