Anonymous wrote:Two sides to every story..

Trump, eff off.

Anonymous wrote:You stay informed via other people. You do not contact her yourself.

Tell your people, ''sorry to hear, about mom- I'll be praying for her."

Anonymous wrote:How to deal. She is so toxic that I deleted her from my life 12 years ago. I don't care and plus, there is no dx. She has a spot on her mammo and has a biopsy scheduled. I want to keep her out of my life but my family is trying to lure me back. How do I keep the line? FWIW she got one sib arrested and almost got another discharged from the armed services. She's that toxic.

wait for the result and in my opinion, these family members that are trying to lure you back are either equally toxic or just trying to get rid of her and putting the responsibility of her care on you. Either way, tread carefully.

Two sides to every story..

Spot in a mamo. Who cares? She will be fine. Hold the line.

Op it's probably benign. They exaggerate these things to pull you in.

Anonymous wrote:

greenpanda wrote:Sometimes sickness or reminders of mortality can change their perspective and the dynamic of your relationship. I assume that despite your challenges you want her to survive and be healthy and independent. Having the support of family rally around you can help give them the energy to fight for their life

You are out of your league. This is way over your head.

Lol. Nailed it. Stay strong, OP. You don’t have an obligation to change your dynamic.

greenpanda wrote:Sometimes sickness or reminders of mortality can change their perspective and the dynamic of your relationship. I assume that despite your challenges you want her to survive and be healthy and independent. Having the support of family rally around you can help give them the energy to fight for their life

You are out of your league. This is way over your head.

Sometimes sickness or reminders of mortality can change their perspective and the dynamic of your relationship. I assume that despite your challenges you want her to survive and be healthy and independent. Having the support of family rally around you can help give them the energy to fight for their life

You just keep the line. To the family members you say, “oh, that sounds hard. I’m so sorry.” Or whatever feels right but you don’t contact her. You don’t send a card. And when they ask you what you plan to do, you either say, “that’s between me and her” or “that’s private” or whatever feels right. Or you say, “I feel like you’re pressuring me about something deeply painful and personal. For my own health, I need to end this phone call.”

This is my nightmare. The family trying to suck you in are worst and there is a special place in hell for people who try to guilt trip someone back into an abusive situation. Can you block their numbers and just send mom a card?

I would probably see a therapist for some ideas and for venting and strength.

Also, many biopsies turn out to be negative.

My in-laws will try to milk a mild skin cancer diagnosis and turn it into deadly melanoma with a month to live just to manipulate. So much of my family has passed away meanwhile all my inlaws who were supposed to die within a month are still alive 10 years later and totally fine.

You stay informed via other people. You do not contact her yourself.

Stay strong and if you have to, send her a pretty card with good wishes in it. That's all that is required if you've been estranged over a decade. Do not get sucked back in.

How to deal. She is so toxic that I deleted her from my life 12 years ago. I don't care and plus, there is no dx. She has a spot on her mammo and has a biopsy scheduled. I want to keep her out of my life but my family is trying to lure me back. How do I keep the line? FWIW she got one sib arrested and almost got another discharged from the armed services. She's that toxic.