It was a cumulative effect in my and my brother's case -- there wasn't a big moment or event, though there had been some in the past. We just realized we were done. Our dad is a bottomless pit who takes until you have nothing left, and nothing will fix that. We needed to heal from the years of verbal and emotional abuse. My dad doesn't understand and never will, because he is never the problem. It's an impossible situation, and our lives are so much healthier and better without him.

My mom has a severe untreated mental illness. She is aggressive and hostile to me (and everyone....). She has told me that she hates me, that I'm evil, and that she wishes she'd never had children. So, yes, I've cut her off.

They were abusive when I was a kid, to me and my sister. It becomes so normalized, sometimes you don’t even realize it’s abuse. Then when I was an adult, they undermined me whenever they could. I let a lot slide because my kids loved them. Then I noticed them playing favorites in an unhealthy way, favoring my oldest. At some point they crossed the line into emotional abuse of my kids. That was it. When we got there, I said enough and told them we needed to take a break, and we canceled a trip.

In the same month, they decided not to go to my sister’s wedding. My sister and I had a long talk digging deep into our past and realized that a lot of our problems (we always had a rocky relationship) were because our mom would pit us against each other. Almost every time my sister and I had a rough patch, we were able to trace the source back to our mom. It’s like our mom couldn’t handle us getting along better with each other than we did with her. It really sucks to realize your mom feels threatened by her daughters having a healthy, happy relationship with each other.

My sister tried to make amends, but she was rebuffed. I feel so much happier without the drama. I can’t imagine letting them back in, because I can’t see it being healthy for me or my kids. But then again, they didn’t want the olive branch my sister offered, so they probably wouldn’t take mine either if I tried. So I guess we’re all good now.

Combination of I cut him off and he cut me off.
My father was unfaithful, parents divorced and my father never really called me again. He missed graduations, weddings, etc. I reached out a couple of times out of guilt but never got a reply. Years of hurt, anger, therapy, etc.
Then my mother died, and suddenly my father was the only one left. I don’t know if it was age or forgiveness, but I was able to forge a couple of years with him before he died. (Not surprisingly, he made no apology or comments about his 20 year absence.)
I wouldn’t change the middle years where he didn’t deserve my forgiveness... but I am at peace with the little bit of reconciliation before he died.

My story isn't overly dramatic. Just lots of underhanded insults and criticisms, being made fun of, excluded from family things and it wore me down over the years. Eventually I couldn't ignore it and felt awful every time I left after a visit.

I tried distance, I tried talking about it, I tried the grey rock method and then one day a really small thing happened and I just haven't contacted them again because I have nothing left in me to give, I just simply want peace in my life.

I cut mine off when they kept trying to make major life decisions for me, and would retaliate when I made my own choices. Example: they didn’t agree with me going back to work when DC was 1, so they tried to get me fired.

I'm the OP. It's not my story, it's my spouse's, and I have neither the energy nor the emotion to share right now. I am curious about what affected your decision-making processes.

Anonymous wrote:I cut off my mother when she lied (and continues to lie) to protect my sister's husband after he killed her.

See, there's the story OP wants to hear.

Anonymous wrote:
I cut them off for 6 months over many unacceptable comments during my husband's unemployment, such as "You ruined your life marrying him" and "He's a jerk", etc... We were in a foreign country at the time, I wasn't allowed to work, and I was depressed and anxious. Hearing such comments from my mother was terrible. She was probably anxious on my behalf, but who says those things?

The 6 months no contact paid off, however, because she's never spoken that way again.

Did you ever actually make it clear that you were cutting off contact because of their behavior/comments or did you just ghost them and let them guess?

I will share when OP does

I cut off my mother when she lied (and continues to lie) to protect my sister's husband after he killed her.

I cut them off for 6 months over many unacceptable comments during my husband's unemployment, such as "You ruined your life marrying him" and "He's a jerk", etc... We were in a foreign country at the time, I wasn't allowed to work, and I was depressed and anxious. Hearing such comments from my mother was terrible. She was probably anxious on my behalf, but who says those things?

The 6 months no contact paid off, however, because she's never spoken that way again.

Anonymous wrote:You first

Right?! I get so annoyed by OPs like this who seem to be seeking entertainment by getting people to air their dirty laundry and share their sad experiences. If you have a parent issue and want some insight from strangers then explain

You first

?