Anonymous wrote:Boys are 11 and 13. They must ask before eating anything. I usually say yes but they don’t just go and grab an apple or cookie. Typically they say I’m hungry what can I Gabe or what do we have and I’ll say do you want strawberries and they say yes. Then I get them the food.

Why can’t they eat what they want? When they want? Are they overweight?

You sound like an utter nutter and is OCD, has an eating disorder, and overall a person that should not have had kids. Please seek help. As for your kids, please work on buying them food so they would not have to sneak food around and worry that mom might catch them.
I feel sorry for your kids. It is time for you to take them to a grocery store, have them pack the cart with every single thing they want, and stop making them food insecure.

You think about this way too much wow

Boys are 11 and 13. They must ask before eating anything. I usually say yes but they don’t just go and grab an apple or cookie. Typically they say I’m hungry what can I Gabe or what do we have and I’ll say do you want strawberries and they say yes. Then I get them the food.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 yo is a skinny active-ish (since the pandemic) boy, and has had free reign of the kitchen since he could reach what he wanted. I can't imagine him asking permission for snacks now or even for the past few years!

He often chooses fruit or salty snacks, but also sodas and sweets and chips. Sounds like that would NOT fly in your house, but I really think you need to find a way to let your kids eat when they are hungry and choose what they want to eat. Tweens need some independence with this, because their nutritional needs are different than ours and vary from week to week. Girls, especially, need to not have their food intake and type monitored. If you are concerned about what they eat, control what you buy and model good behavior, but the 9 and 11 yo need to get their own snacks!

Mine too. He needs any calories he can get and we have basically no rules about it. I can't even really relate to the need for rules on this.

Ditto. Why does anyone need to control this?

Wow! This is over the top for my household. I just go with the flow.

Would it work for you to leave healthy snacks sitting out and easy to grab?

You're working with a slightly awkward age range where your 11 year old is way more independent (and probably quicker to get hungry) than your six year old.

Don't over think things - sounds like you might being doing that a bit. For example, if you're having pizza for dinner and their afternoon snack happens to be cheese and crackers, that's not actually a big deal. Similarly, french toast for breakfast and a mini yogurt for a snack isn't a big deal either.

I'd say plan your usual meals and then having healthy snacks available for the older one to take when s/he wants and, as necessary, prod the younger ones towards them.

This sounds overly controlling. And your older one especially is getting to an age where he will need to eat a LOT. There's nothing wrong with basic ground rules, like dessert foods (ice cream, cookies, cake, candy, etc.) are only for after dinner in limited quantities, and eating right before a mealtime is rude to the person cooking it, and don't eat the last of something without telling someone, but I think you need to lighten up and stop prescribing the entire day's menu for the older ones. There's nothing wrong with them taking fruit or cheese or crackers or cereal as needed.

You lost me at “sweet yogurt” and “mostly sweets like snack bars and granola bars.” Yogurt and granola bars are fine snacks for kids. As long as they’re not gorging themselves or spoiling their appetites for mealtime, give them a little latitude.

I had a friend growing up who had to ask permission for any snack and any beverage other than water (even milk).

At my house we could fairly freely get snacks. I mean not garbage, I wasn't drinking sodas all day.. but asking permission for a glass of milk or a piece of cheese etc? but I thought it was super weird.

Anonymous wrote:My 11 yo is a skinny active-ish (since the pandemic) boy, and has had free reign of the kitchen since he could reach what he wanted. I can't imagine him asking permission for snacks now or even for the past few years!

He often chooses fruit or salty snacks, but also sodas and sweets and chips. Sounds like that would NOT fly in your house, but I really think you need to find a way to let your kids eat when they are hungry and choose what they want to eat. Tweens need some independence with this, because their nutritional needs are different than ours and vary from week to week. Girls, especially, need to not have their food intake and type monitored. If you are concerned about what they eat, control what you buy and model good behavior, but the 9 and 11 yo need to get their own snacks!

Mine too. He needs any calories he can get and we have basically no rules about it. I can't even really relate to the need for rules on this.

It never occurred to me to have "snack rules." By 7 or 8 kids were able to find things to munch on if they were hungry, and I didn't worry too much about what they were getting because most stuff in the house is basically healthy. I would put the kabosh on eating too much close to dinner, but that's really it.

My 11 yo is a skinny active-ish (since the pandemic) boy, and has had free reign of the kitchen since he could reach what he wanted. I can't imagine him asking permission for snacks now or even for the past few years!

He often chooses fruit or salty snacks, but also sodas and sweets and chips. Sounds like that would NOT fly in your house, but I really think you need to find a way to let your kids eat when they are hungry and choose what they want to eat. Tweens need some independence with this, because their nutritional needs are different than ours and vary from week to week. Girls, especially, need to not have their food intake and type monitored. If you are concerned about what they eat, control what you buy and model good behavior, but the 9 and 11 yo need to get their own snacks!

Healthy balanced breakfast, morning snack & lunch. After that I'm pretty relaxed about what they do for the rest of the day.

We have 3 kids — 11, 9 & 6. When they were all young we established a routine where they ate only at designated meals or snacks, and we decided what was on offer. Snack depends on what other foods we’re having that day. So if we’re having pizza at dinner we don’t serve cheese and crackers at snack, but maybe would have apples and peanut butter or a trail mix. If breakfast was sugary we don’t have a sugary snack like granola bar or sweet yogurt. We might have grapes, string cheese and popcorn instead. I’ve been thinking for awhile the older two are getting old enough that we should start trusting them to grab snacks on their own and make decent choices. But we’ve been stuck in our old routine because I’m too busy to rethink much right now. So now in the last couple weeks we can tell someone is sneaking food — mostly sweets like snack bars and granola bars. How would you approach this? I’m thinking something like “ hey guys, we can tell you’re growing and getting hungrier and also want more choice in when to grab snacks and what to have” ... but then what’s the new rule? We don’t want them to fill up on snack food before dinner on the one hand. But on the other hand, being strict about it seems to be backfiring. Yo complicate matters, one of the older boys has had substantial constipation problems and is weaning off miralax. I Have stressed to him he must be limited with things like crackers, cheese, and sweet treats because they constipate, but he’s also a growing boy and I can’t just feed him raisins, blueberries, and salad. Help! What are your snacking rules? How much control do you have over your kids ages 9-10 and up in terms of food choices?