Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

Wow! I suppose narcissists are in a class all their own.

They are. One of the most common traits of successful CEOs and others in power too. Unsettling, to say the least.

Anonymous wrote:and instead I fell in love with a crazy person who appears to have put his best foot forward and tricked me into believing he was something he was not. Or rather, I did not see the love bombing and the red flags and foolishly fell for a mirage. Now that the true person appears I am devastated, heart broken, lost and confused. Part of why I am scared to leave is...at least he is familiar. I know all his flaws. What else can he possibly do to surprise me? Maybe I can make peace and say "life isn't perfect."

But then I wonder if it is worth pursuing? Maybe even now in my old 30thingsome bones and tired soul, I have something to offer to someone that will love me. Someone who is better than me and who makes me a better person. What if I do not find that kind of love as its just a fantasy?

I could have written your post a few years ago. Take a leap of faith on truly truly truly loving yourself and being alone. You won’t be attracted to flaws that no longer hold a power over you, probably from some suppressed experience and attempt of your brain to resolve matters of the heart. Yes, leave. The devil you know is bad, it is a trick to think it is a better choice to settle for disrespect and abuse. You cannot produce good fruit from a rotting tree. Cut it down. Sit on the stump and cry a bit. Then get up, and keep walking. Plant new seeds along the way for eventual blooms. You’ll find once you reach a certain clearing, rhe people on the other side are better, because you are a better person and universally attracting what compliments you.

You cannot control anything in this world other than how you respond to what it presents before you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

How long have you been with him? Is it possible he's just going through a phase because we're in crazy Covid times and he's a little depressed? How long has the behavior been going on?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

Wow! I suppose narcissists are in a class all their own.

Its when narcs come back around, like love bombing (2) after they've hurt you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

YEah, 6 mos isnt enough. It took my narc 18 mos to show his true colors. I called off the engagement when he did. HOWEVER i fell for a hoover and married him. He destroyed a great life. Get away the first time, dont be like me

a Hoover? What is that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

YEah, 6 mos isnt enough. It took my narc 18 mos to show his true colors. I called off the engagement when he did. HOWEVER i fell for a hoover and married him. He destroyed a great life. Get away the first time, dont be like me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

+1

+1

Anonymous wrote:Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

OP here. The unusual and crazy thing is there were 0 signs until year 6 or 7.

At 6 months we were deeply in love and he was as perfect as ever.

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

I agree. I just went through a 30 month divorce from a man just like this. It was hell. It was worth it

Next time, take it slow. No one and I mean no one can hold up a front for more than 6-12. Usually by 6 months, you will have had enough time together in different settings, as well as enough time for disagreements to arise. If he's a cheater or a psycho, there will be clues by 6 months, unless you choose not to see them.

Anonymous wrote:If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

+1

Dating in your 30s is very typical in every major city so you're not too old to meet someone new. You could even Under the Tuscan Sun-it and move to a new place and start over if that's easier.

If you aren't married with kids, there should be no hesitation to leave. You will definitely meet someone wonderful for you.

and instead I fell in love with a crazy person who appears to have put his best foot forward and tricked me into believing he was something he was not. Or rather, I did not see the love bombing and the red flags and foolishly fell for a mirage. Now that the true person appears I am devastated, heart broken, lost and confused. Part of why I am scared to leave is...at least he is familiar. I know all his flaws. What else can he possibly do to surprise me? Maybe I can make peace and say "life isn't perfect."

But then I wonder if it is worth pursuing? Maybe even now in my old 30thingsome bones and tired soul, I have something to offer to someone that will love me. Someone who is better than me and who makes me a better person. What if I do not find that kind of love as its just a fantasy?