Anonymous
12/01/2020 21:15
Subject: Move family or separate the family for a year?
Go. For the sake of your marriage and family please go.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 20:50
Subject: Re:Move family or separate the family for a year?
By up North I was picturing the wilds of Alaska or something and I’d be on the fence. But if you mean another city? Go.
Honestly, I can also say that if your husband is giving you so little support that other people outweigh him as far as “support network” you need to work on that. I’ve BTDT and it took a lot to fix.
Honestly, I can also say that if your husband is giving you so little support that other people outweigh him as far as “support network” you need to work on that. I’ve BTDT and it took a lot to fix.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 20:41
Subject: Re:Move family or separate the family for a year?
Anonymous wrote:With kids in school, it might be a tougher choice for me, with young kids and if you don't have to worry about work, I would definitely prioritize being together. From personal experience, separation can be really hard on marriages.
This. A million times this. You can handle the move well as an adult, and the kids won’t really notice. But they will DEFINITELY notice if you split the family and it will be more traumatic for them. They can survive it - military families do! - but you should definitely stay together with kids so young.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 20:41
Subject: Re:Move family or separate the family for a year?
I would consider not going if my kids were in school - but yours are too young to be in school so I would probably just go unless you really can’t function on your own without your support system here.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 20:40
Subject: Re:Move family or separate the family for a year?
If you’re a SAHM, the support system is less important. Go
Anonymous
12/01/2020 20:37
Subject: Re:Move family or separate the family for a year?
Go! The kids are young and it’s a great opportunity.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 20:35
Subject: Re:Move family or separate the family for a year?
I replied above that you should go AND I think a year in Boston will be fun.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 20:32
Subject: Move family or separate the family for a year?
Go!
Anonymous
12/01/2020 20:14
Subject: Move family or separate the family for a year?
Thank you all for the feedback. My heart was telling me to stay here, and when I mentioned it to DH, I could tell he was really sad about it. It would be up in Boston.
I sometimes feel like I need to take everything on, and in my head, I was thinking I can solo parent for the year. But after thinking about, it will be too much of a strain on me, the kids, and my DH.
thank you DCUM for setting me straight, being nice, and everyone agreed! Haha.
I sometimes feel like I need to take everything on, and in my head, I was thinking I can solo parent for the year. But after thinking about, it will be too much of a strain on me, the kids, and my DH.
thank you DCUM for setting me straight, being nice, and everyone agreed! Haha.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 19:44
Subject: Move family or separate the family for a year?
\Anonymous wrote:My husband has the opportunity to work and train up north for a year, starting in the summer of 2021. We have decided it would be the best decision for him and his career to take this. However, we have two small children, our kids will be 3 and 18 months at that time. We are trying to figure out the move with the kids and what would be best for the kids and also my self.
Option 1: the whole family moves up north, we rent a small condo and put the other stuff in storage.
Pros: the entire family is together
Cons: my support system is where we currently live and we know no one in the new town.
Option 2: I stay with the kids in our current location and my husband geo Bach’s, we would take the train or drive to see him every few weeks and he would fly to see us every few weeks.
Pros: my entire support system is here.
Cons: the family is separated.
Other factors:
We could afford for him to get a second small apartment up north. (I am a SAHM)
our oldest would be staring preschool next fall as well.
The job/training is only for a year, so we could end up back in our current area, or up north, or out west after the job ends.
Where is "up north"I would keep the family together. How much support do you really need? You can do it with your husband for one year, can't you? Rent your house out or if you can afford it hire someone to take care of maintenance and then come back when the year is finished. DC 1 can start preschool anywhere.
We are missing an third option? What would you do?
I know it’s a while away, but we are just trying to figure out how it will look for the family.
\
For a year I wouldn't separate the family. Think of how much your dh will miss the kids and them growing up! Lots of things happen month to month. Surely you can handle one year without your family support? Dfo you live in the dc area and what area are you referring to when you say "up north?"
Anonymous
12/01/2020 19:44
Subject: Re:Move family or separate the family for a year?
I don’t get how it’s a question with a SAHM, preschooler, and toddler. I’d go with DH.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 19:43
Subject: Move family or separate the family for a year?
SAHM, no question go. A year is a long time. Kids need their dad and so do you.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 19:41
Subject: Move family or separate the family for a year?
If it were me? I’d stay with DH. Kids need as much dad time as possible. Dad needs to stay into levels on a daily basis- both for his relationship with kids and his relationship with you.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 19:40
Subject: Re:Move family or separate the family for a year?
With kids in school, it might be a tougher choice for me, with young kids and if you don't have to worry about work, I would definitely prioritize being together. From personal experience, separation can be really hard on marriages.
Anonymous
12/01/2020 19:37
Subject: Move family or separate the family for a year?
My husband has the opportunity to work and train up north for a year, starting in the summer of 2021. We have decided it would be the best decision for him and his career to take this. However, we have two small children, our kids will be 3 and 18 months at that time. We are trying to figure out the move with the kids and what would be best for the kids and also my self.
Option 1: the whole family moves up north, we rent a small condo and put the other stuff in storage.
Pros: the entire family is together
Cons: my support system is where we currently live and we know no one in the new town.
Option 2: I stay with the kids in our current location and my husband geo Bach’s, we would take the train or drive to see him every few weeks and he would fly to see us every few weeks.
Pros: my entire support system is here.
Cons: the family is separated.
Other factors:
We could afford for him to get a second small apartment up north. (I am a SAHM)
our oldest would be staring preschool next fall as well.
The job/training is only for a year, so we could end up back in our current area, or up north, or out west after the job ends.
We are missing an third option? What would you do?
I know it’s a while away, but we are just trying to figure out how it will look for the family.
Option 1: the whole family moves up north, we rent a small condo and put the other stuff in storage.
Pros: the entire family is together
Cons: my support system is where we currently live and we know no one in the new town.
Option 2: I stay with the kids in our current location and my husband geo Bach’s, we would take the train or drive to see him every few weeks and he would fly to see us every few weeks.
Pros: my entire support system is here.
Cons: the family is separated.
Other factors:
We could afford for him to get a second small apartment up north. (I am a SAHM)
our oldest would be staring preschool next fall as well.
The job/training is only for a year, so we could end up back in our current area, or up north, or out west after the job ends.
We are missing an third option? What would you do?
I know it’s a while away, but we are just trying to figure out how it will look for the family.