Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always been like this.

Seriously - its like women who rush to marry and have kids don't realize what's on the other side of that door. Are you blind?

I had a friend who within a month of her wedding was complaining about her husband's refusal to do dishes or clean the bathroom. Well...surprise.

DH and I lived together before marriage. He cooked, cleaned, even did my laundry. So yes, I was surprised as he slowly retreated into being more and more helpless.

Anonymous wrote:Always been like this.

Seriously - its like women who rush to marry and have kids don't realize what's on the other side of that door. Are you blind?

I had a friend who within a month of her wedding was complaining about her husband's refusal to do dishes or clean the bathroom. Well...surprise.

Always been like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him give you a little more of the shaft and he might be incentivized to pick up the throw pillows or some other make work task on Saturday mornings.

God you're so tedious. And it really grates for me, as a higher-drive wife. Thanks for bringing up another thing DH doesn't step up for as much as I do at home.

Blame the woman as usual.

Anonymous wrote:Let him give you a little more of the shaft and he might be incentivized to pick up the throw pillows or some other make work task on Saturday mornings.

God you're so tedious. And it really grates for me, as a higher-drive wife. Thanks for bringing up another thing DH doesn't step up for as much as I do at home.

Let him give you a little more of the shaft and he might be incentivized to pick up the throw pillows or some other make work task on Saturday mornings.

DH and I both work in biglaw type jobs (biglaw pay and hours at boutiques). He has never, ever, ever really equally contributed at home. Someone on here described an attitude of "I'll do my best, she'll do the rest" and that is spot on. Though for him, it's more like, "I'll do my best... ." He doesn't even see everything he lets slip through the cracks and doesn't even wonder how it gets done. From his perspective, he's doing everything he can [without making a single sacrifice on his professional front), and how could anyone expect more?

But whenever I point out that this is not fair to me, and I need to step back, he resists it. It's so absurd.

Better to have a job when he has his midlife crisis. Thank god I always had a great salary and health benefits.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not just within heterosexual marriages with children. There’s also an unfair and non-sustainable burden being placed right now on pink-collar workers like teachers, nurses, etc. those women are being told to quit if they have complaints as if their income and careers really matter.

Weird that you’re equating being a teacher with automatically being in a homosexual relationship without children.

Are you that same person jealous of the Skalla girls?

No one told you to have kids with a MC schlub.

It has been this way for generations.

Yes. Mostly true.

My marriage is fairly even. I do more childcare and household planning, but he does all of the financial planning, cooking and grocery shopping. I have a big job and do make significantly more than him. Even with all of his support, 2020 has me eyeing mommy track jobs. I probably wont pull the trigger, but it's been hard.

It’s not just within heterosexual marriages with children. There’s also an unfair and non-sustainable burden being placed right now on pink-collar workers like teachers, nurses, etc. those women are being told to quit if they have complaints as if their income and careers really matter.

Yes. Accurate. There are actual studies on this.

The solution is for men to step up.

So purely anecdotally, of all the married couples I know - I know exactly one or two (out of 40ish) marriages, where the both parents are working, and both parents have equal responsibilities in the home/children/family/social/domestic arena. In the overwhelming majority, are women who are not only working but also taking on the lions share of responsibilities in the home. By the way, that one marriage with the husband who actually does a bit more of the home responsibilities- we wives are very jealous! In a good way.

Is this universal? Or is my sampling skewed?

I feel like women are getting the shaft by being told they are expected to work and should work. I get that it's important to have that financial independence and for women to gain ground and equality in the working world. However, when the reality of marriage sets in, it ends up that they also take on most of the household and family responsibilities on top of that.