My husband used to do this. I told him to save that for his book. I still say it sometimes.
Must be a male defect.

I would so hate living with a guy who is so controlling. How about just not answering or asking him, “Why do you care?”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

How is that veiled? How the eff do you guys live with partners who are trying to make you feel like shit, fully intentionally?

agree. We're they always like this?

No, or I wouldn't have married him. We've hashed this out many times, and it's moderately better, but he just thinks he knows every damn thing. The irony is that he's super sensitive to criticism himself.

Dump him. Who has time for that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

How is that veiled? How the eff do you guys live with partners who are trying to make you feel like shit, fully intentionally?

agree. We're they always like this?

No, or I wouldn't have married him. We've hashed this out many times, and it's moderately better, but he just thinks he knows every damn thing. The irony is that he's super sensitive to criticism himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

How is that veiled? How the eff do you guys live with partners who are trying to make you feel like shit, fully intentionally?

Because this is how our parents were.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

How is that veiled? How the eff do you guys live with partners who are trying to make you feel like shit, fully intentionally?

Because, honestly, that's not his conscious intention. If you asked him, he'd say he was trying to be helpful, and that's what he genuinely thinks. He's condescending, not negging. He's "just asking a question," so if I bring it out in the open directly, I turn into the one picking the fight, and I just can't deal with that all the time. It's just easier to deflect it this way, because I don't have the energy for arguments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

How is that veiled? How the eff do you guys live with partners who are trying to make you feel like shit, fully intentionally?

agree. We're they always like this?

I give my bullet point arguments in a firm voice. He always backs off, but I get annoyed he thinks he can still try...

Anonymous wrote:Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

How is that veiled? How the eff do you guys live with partners who are trying to make you feel like shit, fully intentionally?

Don't say "Why do you ask?" that invites him to mansplain the best way for you to put in a tampon and further criticize whatever you're doing.

Just say "Go be perfect in another room - I've got this." If he opens his mouth to respond say "No, I don't need any input. I'm a grown adult who can make decisions on my own. I don't want or need your opinion on HOW I ride a bike/make brownies. If you don't like the way I do it, then when YOU do it you can do it your way."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

Do this each and every time.

The bonus of doing it this way is that if he actually is asking a real question in good faith, he can explain. If not, he has to put up or shut up.

Anonymous wrote:Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

Do this each and every time.

Mine does this, too, and it drives me bonkers. It's this veiled way of criticizing. I just say, "Why do you ask?" to all of them. Then he either has to back off, or he has to make the criticism overtly.

He’s an asshole. I’m sorry, OP.

I find it hard to work out. I have to gear up to do it, I hate it, but we just bought this costly Peloton and I'm trying to stay committed. But I don't like the instructor rides; I prefer scenic rides that I can do at my own pace and speed, while just zoning out.

I had a rough day and dragged myself to the bike. Cued up my scenic, easy ride. Began pedaling. Husband appears over my shoulder and asks why I'm not doing a "real" ride to get better.

WTF! I am doing a real ride, just not the kind he prefers.

He does this in the kitchen too. Why are you making brownies with two eggs? Why are you heating the pan so hot? Why why WHY

I AM ANNOYED