Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clairfy, we were planning to hold it at my house. If it were at her house, well, then this would be easier.

That does change it, but it actually makes it easier, not more difficult to say 'no'. You can go with, 'sorry, I am not prepared to host additional people' , the invitation was for you/spouse/kid only' or 'what the hell made you think that would be ok?'

Extra people are not being invited to your house unless you just don't have the nerve to actually say, "no"

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clairfy, we were planning to hold it at my house. If it were at her house, well, then this would be easier.

Well honestly that is super rude to be inviting other people to a Thanksgiving you're not even hosting. Like even in non covid times. I would just say, 'I don't feel comfortable hosting people outside of our POD, I hope you understand and I totally get it if you decide you would rather spend the day with your brother.'

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're talking about giving up on a relationship because a friend wanted to invite two extra people? "Sigh," indeed.

No, but shes talking about giving up her thanksgiving plans because of different levels of fear or safety concerns. That cant be something she can mourn without your criticism?

OP here. It's not about an extra two people. It's about making it nice for the kids and my friend's brother and SO will probably be just fine psychologically if they spend the holiday together. That's all I was asking for. The point is to avoid a bigger party with people DH and I don't know. She can have dessert with them if she needs to see her brother. There's enough information out there about Covid and how contagious it is and the number of people falling ill. I've spend Thanksgiving with only a handful of friends. Her brother is an adult with an SO. Again, this was for the kids, not everyone else.

Maybe you thought it was all about your kids, but your friend clearly had other ideas. Since it is your friend's home, she is able to invite anyone she likes. You are free to attend or decline.

This -- YOU thought it was all about the kids. SHE apparently thought it was about everyone. YOU don't care about her sibling and think he'll be just fine. SHE is worried about him.

If you want to end a friendship because of a slight degree in difference in risk tolerance, that's on you. But it doesn't sound like your friend is super reckless or unwilling to take any precautions, just that she thinks that this will be fine. You guys had different ideas about what the "point" of Thanksgiving is this year.

This is the problem. Everyone thinks it will be fine until their family party lands in the local newspaper because 15 out of 20 people who attended now have Covid and Granny's on a ventilator.

OP here. To clairfy, we were planning to hold it at my house. If it were at her house, well, then this would be easier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're talking about giving up on a relationship because a friend wanted to invite two extra people? "Sigh," indeed.

No, but shes talking about giving up her thanksgiving plans because of different levels of fear or safety concerns. That cant be something she can mourn without your criticism?

OP here. It's not about an extra two people. It's about making it nice for the kids and my friend's brother and SO will probably be just fine psychologically if they spend the holiday together. That's all I was asking for. The point is to avoid a bigger party with people DH and I don't know. She can have dessert with them if she needs to see her brother. There's enough information out there about Covid and how contagious it is and the number of people falling ill. I've spend Thanksgiving with only a handful of friends. Her brother is an adult with an SO. Again, this was for the kids, not everyone else.

Maybe you thought it was all about your kids, but your friend clearly had other ideas. Since it is your friend's home, she is able to invite anyone she likes. You are free to attend or decline.

This -- YOU thought it was all about the kids. SHE apparently thought it was about everyone. YOU don't care about her sibling and think he'll be just fine. SHE is worried about him.

If you want to end a friendship because of a slight degree in difference in risk tolerance, that's on you. But it doesn't sound like your friend is super reckless or unwilling to take any precautions, just that she thinks that this will be fine. You guys had different ideas about what the "point" of Thanksgiving is this year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're talking about giving up on a relationship because a friend wanted to invite two extra people? "Sigh," indeed.

No, but shes talking about giving up her thanksgiving plans because of different levels of fear or safety concerns. That cant be something she can mourn without your criticism?

OP here. It's not about an extra two people. It's about making it nice for the kids and my friend's brother and SO will probably be just fine psychologically if they spend the holiday together. That's all I was asking for. The point is to avoid a bigger party with people DH and I don't know. She can have dessert with them if she needs to see her brother. There's enough information out there about Covid and how contagious it is and the number of people falling ill. I've spend Thanksgiving with only a handful of friends. Her brother is an adult with an SO. Again, this was for the kids, not everyone else.

Maybe you thought it was all about your kids, but your friend clearly had other ideas. Since it is your friend's home, she is able to invite anyone she likes. You are free to attend or decline.

I sympathize. We had planned on going to BIL's house for TG, along with elderly MIL and FIL. BIL wanted to invite 2 friends that they've always hosted in previous years. We decided to stay home instead.

Decline the invitation. It's either at her house and you can decline (and btw, you have NO power here ..) OR, it's at your house, you need to speak your mind (because that is what friends do). You speak your mind and say, "it's not ok"

No explanation. No need to defend anything. But if it's at her house, you're just out of luck. You should assume your friendship is whether you NOT going as long as you don't ruin the friendship - it's yours to ruin. I would't though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're talking about giving up on a relationship because a friend wanted to invite two extra people? "Sigh," indeed.

No, but shes talking about giving up her thanksgiving plans because of different levels of fear or safety concerns. That cant be something she can mourn without your criticism?

Sure, but that's not how it read. It read like she was irritated and annoyed that her friend wanted to include her brother, and then she started talking about friendships withering. I think the discomfort is in talking plainly and clearly about expectations. "Oh, Marsha, I'm sorry. I'm not comfortable having people outside our bubble [assuming it's a true bubble, and you aren't socializing with other people, too] at Thanksgiving. I understand if you want to have it with your brother; we can have a meal another time." Her post read like exasperation, not mourning. Apologies if I misread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're talking about giving up on a relationship because a friend wanted to invite two extra people? "Sigh," indeed.

No, but shes talking about giving up her thanksgiving plans because of different levels of fear or safety concerns. That cant be something she can mourn without your criticism?

OP here. It's not about an extra two people. It's about making it nice for the kids and my friend's brother and SO will probably be just fine psychologically if they spend the holiday together. That's all I was asking for. The point is to avoid a bigger party with people DH and I don't know. She can have dessert with them if she needs to see her brother. There's enough information out there about Covid and how contagious it is and the number of people falling ill. I've spend Thanksgiving with only a handful of friends. Her brother is an adult with an SO. Again, this was for the kids, not everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:You're talking about giving up on a relationship because a friend wanted to invite two extra people? "Sigh," indeed.

No, but shes talking about giving up her thanksgiving plans because of different levels of fear or safety concerns. That cant be something she can mourn without your criticism?

Yes, I agree. I live out west, kids have been in school since september, but we are being told they will be out of school from thanksgiving to January. I am not excited, and picture the few relationships I have left also withering. I'm 2000 miles from family and a single mom, very desolate.

You're talking about giving up on a relationship because a friend wanted to invite two extra people? "Sigh," indeed.

A friend and I were planning to hold Thanksgiving together because our kids are close and we've all been socializing since restrctions started. I thought we were all on the same page about keeping things small until my friend said she wants to invite her brother and his SO because they have nowhere to go. Sigh. I told her DH and I were under the impression it would just be our little group. The conversation ended uncomfortably with her asking what's really the big deal. He's fine. Yes, we're all fine but still, based on the numbers, it could be wishful thinking.

Is this how it's going to be until the pandemic is over? I feel like a few friendships have already started to wither due to varying levels of comfort, willingness to Zoom, discomfort with mask wearing. Then, there are the indignant grandparents you have to warn against flying on a plane for Christmas because they're well over 70 and if they get Covid, you're going to have to fly out there to go to the hospital and God forbid, arrange for a burial... I'm so sick of this.