Anonymous wrote:Seems like your narrative is trying to fit a specific diagnosis. He could just be quirky, lazy, and immature.

That’s why Dx helps.

Are you dealing with a purposeful jerk or an ASD jerk. Neither will
Improve meaningfully but you may be able to better cope with the latter. Once you see the symptoms pattern it is hard to unsee, but at least don’t be insulted and Unf you have to take everything off his plate plus clean up/fix his messes and mistakes. It’s exhaustiv. Most divorce or change into a hermit themselves.

It does sound like he is on the Autism spectrim. Many people with mild autism are over looked and find out in audulthood.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like your narrative is trying to fit a specific diagnosis. He could just be quirky, lazy, and immature.

OP here. This is true! I am just wondering...I sometimes feel there is something "off" about him and can't quite tell if its due to some disorder or he is just quirky.

What a catch!

Seems like your narrative is trying to fit a specific diagnosis. He could just be quirky, lazy, and immature.

Anonymous wrote:could be an autism spectrum disorder. But does it matter? Either you want to be married to him with these traits or you don't. It doesn't sound like any of them are new.

It matters if (a) he sees how his “traits” affect the family, (b) he will work to manage his symptoms (ie come up with methods that work for him to stay organized. He manages them. Also learn to do back and forth conversations not just stone wall or lecture mode). That all makes things a bit more livable.

At the same time OP will have to disassociate and find human connection via friends and healthy activities outside the home.

Need the diagnosis first.

Autism Spectrum with an ADHD twist

Do NOT have Kid(s) with this type.
He can be a downright danger to the child (swimming, zing street, driving, doors slamming, in new parks, falling off things). He will not have the executive functioning skills, foresight, reaction time (slow processing) or ability to connect to their needs. Or the houses needs. Or your needs. No one has any needs but him!

could be an autism spectrum disorder. But does it matter? Either you want to be married to him with these traits or you don't. It doesn't sound like any of them are new.

Autism spectrum disorder

Sounds like my Aspergers daughter (autism).

Sounds very much likes Aspberger’s - google it, it seems to fit your DH, every last thing you describe. It’s often co-morbid with ADHD and anxiety.

ADHD

What did you see in him?

I can't help but think my spouse of 6 years has some type of issue. He has always been quirky and different. Some of the things I have noticed are as follows:

- He had pretty bad hand eye coordination when he was younger. He was not able to participate in basketball or baseball as he was never able to catch to throw the ball where directed. He prefered running but was never an athletic kid.
- Not good at mathematics or science but genius level with literature and history. His brain is like a sponge. He reads the most obscure and old history books and will remember the most random facts.
- No social awareness. He doesn't realize how he may come across in front of others. He can start talking about something and go on without pause or realize others maybe bored or not interested. Generally does ok with small talk and can be charming.
- Terrible at logistics and has no concept of time management. If we have a dinner reservation at 6 pm. He will leave his office across town at 5:55 pm and tell me " I'll be there in 5 minutes!"
- Does not see mess. Has no idea where to put anything so everything is out. His desk at work and at home is a nightmare!
- Does not pay attention to personal grooming...I have to keep reminding him to get haircuts or clip his nails.
- Sex is odd. He is very..mechanical...
- Struggles with empathy. Cannot put himself in another person's shoes or anticipating someone's needs.
- Very literal and has difficulty reading between the lines
- Spends a lot of time sleeping and zoned out.
- He always needs to use something to calm or soothe himself. He developed alcoholism and stopped alcohol but now he has to chew snus! Its like he can't relax if he isn't on some substance.