It's very hard to explain to kids why they have to eat some foods but not others. We talk a lot about vegetables making us stronger and making our eyes see better, etc. My 4 year old DD is just smart and kept asking why. We said they aren't healthy or good for you to eat all the time. Only on special occasions. But she also wants to know why grandma is so fat and how she got that way.

I think it's okay to say that you can't eat french fries constantly or else you get a big tummy. I mean that's the truth and I don't have disordered eating.

It is not what she hears from outside, it's you, OP. Your mama's reaction and now yours, are over the top. I wouldn't even have notice where my kid picked it up or would've ignored what he said. You didn't and can't because of your past. Leave the past in the past if you don't want your child to pick it up.

Anonymous wrote:The other day my 4yo DD commented that you shouldn't eat too many French fries because you'll get a "big fat belly". I asked where she learned that, a friend at daycare said it to her.

I explained that there aren't any bad foods or bad bellies. We can eat things like French fries, we just try to eat more of the healthy foods so that we stay healthy and strong. Also that bellies come in many different sizes and none are bad, they're just different.

It made me SO sad because my mom was obsessed with dieting, so I was, too. I remember going on my first "diet" at age 8 and eating lettuce sandwiches. I had body dysmorphia my entire life and always thought I was fat, even when I was a size 0-2. I'd deprive myself and then go binge on junk. It's taken me a long time to develop a stable relationship with food, and I'll still occasionally go on a binge.

I don't want that for my DD. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food.

How are you handling this with your kids?

I think you are reading way too much into this, maybe because of your background. Your daughter is right that one reason you shouldn't eat too many French fries is because you'll get a big fat belly. She didn't say you shouldn't ever eat ANY french fries. She said 'too many.' She's right. I think it's not a good idea to heavily police or comment or have a long talk about every random thing she says related to food; there's no need to be hypervigilant and i think it's your history that caused this. Maybe you could say something like, "More importantly, too many fries might lead to health problems, but it's fine to have it sometimes," and leave it at that.

French fries are like ice cream and cake and soda and Brie cheese and steak and all sorts of other delicious things we shouldn’t eat all of the time but we can have on occasion.

But of course eating too many fries is not healthy. Do you want her to think it is healthy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Holy baggage Batman!

So, now we can’t even acknowledge that fatty foods are fattening? Yeah, you’re not setting up your kid for an eating disorder at all.

To a 4 year old? Come on, OP did a fine job discussing this with her child.

OP it is a continual discussion.

+1

We talk frequently about the nutritional value of different foods -- what nutrients do they give us, why might we want to limit how much we eat of some foods, why we need a balanced diet. So, about French fries, we might say that potatoes do have some nutrients (notably vitamins C and B6, potassium, niacin, and manganese), and they have fiber, which is good for cleaning out our insides, and they have carbohydrates, which help give us energy. But if we fry them, then they have a lot of fat, and too much fat isn't good for our bodies (I tell them some fat is good, because it helps our brains and skin be healthy, but too much fat can clog things up inside). And they don't have protein, which our bodies need, otherwise the energy that the carbohydrates give us won't last as long. So French fries are a "sometimes" food, not and "everyday" food, and they should be part of a meal that also includes fruits and vegetables and protein so our bodies have all the nutrients they need. This discussion starts out in more simplified terms with little kids, and can get more nuanced and sophisticated as they get older. We often talk about the nutritional value of the meals we eat, as well as how they taste.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Holy baggage Batman!

So, now we can’t even acknowledge that fatty foods are fattening? Yeah, you’re not setting up your kid for an eating disorder at all.

To a 4 year old? Come on, OP did a fine job discussing this with her child.

OP it is a continual discussion.

Please. At 4 OP should have laughed it off. Going on a huge rant about good foods and “no bad foods” and blah, blah is over the top.

Anonymous wrote:The other day my 4yo DD commented that you shouldn't eat too many French fries because you'll get a "big fat belly". I asked where she learned that, a friend at daycare said it to her.

I explained that there aren't any bad foods or bad bellies. We can eat things like French fries, we just try to eat more of the healthy foods so that we stay healthy and strong. Also that bellies come in many different sizes and none are bad, they're just different.

It made me SO sad because my mom was obsessed with dieting, so I was, too. I remember going on my first "diet" at age 8 and eating lettuce sandwiches. I had body dysmorphia my entire life and always thought I was fat, even when I was a size 0-2. I'd deprive myself and then go binge on junk. It's taken me a long time to develop a stable relationship with food, and I'll still occasionally go on a binge.

I don't want that for my DD. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food.

How are you handling this with your kids?

Your 4 yo is correct. Don’t gaslight her.

Only thing I say back to such things is "Everything in moderation." If you think this is bad, wait until elementary school when the real lessons in food nutrition begin. My kids same me for the occasional fast food visit. It's okay though. I would rather them make a comment about fast food than ask for it daily or something. Everything in moderation.

Anonymous wrote:The other day my 4yo DD commented that you shouldn't eat too many French fries because you'll get a "big fat belly". I asked where she learned that, a friend at daycare said it to her.

I explained that there aren't any bad foods or bad bellies. We can eat things like French fries, we just try to eat more of the healthy foods so that we stay healthy and strong. Also that bellies come in many different sizes and none are bad, they're just different.

It made me SO sad because my mom was obsessed with dieting, so I was, too. I remember going on my first "diet" at age 8 and eating lettuce sandwiches. I had body dysmorphia my entire life and always thought I was fat, even when I was a size 0-2. I'd deprive myself and then go binge on junk. It's taken me a long time to develop a stable relationship with food, and I'll still occasionally go on a binge.

I don't want that for my DD. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food.

How are you handling this with your kids?

Right there with you, OP. We eat to fuel our bodies in a healthy way, and I teach my son what that looks like. But it's FINE to have treats. Fries are a treat. When I was growing up, they were considered the vegetable serving (potato). That's the kind of thinking people need to let go, IMO.

Anonymous wrote:The other day my 4yo DD commented that you shouldn't eat too many French fries because you'll get a "big fat belly". I asked where she learned that, a friend at daycare said it to her.

I explained that there aren't any bad foods or bad bellies. We can eat things like French fries, we just try to eat more of the healthy foods so that we stay healthy and strong. Also that bellies come in many different sizes and none are bad, they're just different.

It made me SO sad because my mom was obsessed with dieting, so I was, too. I remember going on my first "diet" at age 8 and eating lettuce sandwiches. I had body dysmorphia my entire life and always thought I was fat, even when I was a size 0-2. I'd deprive myself and then go binge on junk. It's taken me a long time to develop a stable relationship with food, and I'll still occasionally go on a binge.

I don't want that for my DD. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food.

How are you handling this with your kids?

I think you handled this well, OP. For my 4 YO, we talk about how all food gives us energy, but that foods with protein and vitamins also keep us strong and healthy. Luckily she hasn't made too many body-related comments or observations yet, but I'm sure they're coming - all my friends with kindergarteners last year were dealing with this sort of talk.

One comment from preschool friend isn't going to send her off into disordered eating.

At this age, you are far more of an influence on her than friends or society in general.

What you told her is good, just keep with that and model what you say.

My DD is 10 and has a healthy relationship with food despite hearing relatives expressing disordered thoughts about dieting or bodies and also getting that message from society.

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Holy baggage Batman!

So, now we can’t even acknowledge that fatty foods are fattening? Yeah, you’re not setting up your kid for an eating disorder at all.

To a 4 year old? Come on, OP did a fine job discussing this with her child.

OP it is a continual discussion.

I wouldn't think too much of it just yet.

Your DD was just repeating what she over-heard at daycare.

I also wouldn't project your own struggles onto her or presume you'll have the same battle on your hands. Don't make too much fuss over it. Otherwise, it ends up being a constant reminder to her and subtling suggesting to her to drive herself crazy questioning every food (junk or healthy) set in front of her.
You'll have enough power struggles on your hands in the years to come. Don't make food one of them.

Keep modeling good eating habits. Go eat french fries together, but pair it with carrot sticks for example.

Remind her everything in moderation.

Wow! Holy baggage Batman!

So, now we can’t even acknowledge that fatty foods are fattening? Yeah, you’re not setting up your kid for an eating disorder at all.

The other day my 4yo DD commented that you shouldn't eat too many French fries because you'll get a "big fat belly". I asked where she learned that, a friend at daycare said it to her.

I explained that there aren't any bad foods or bad bellies. We can eat things like French fries, we just try to eat more of the healthy foods so that we stay healthy and strong. Also that bellies come in many different sizes and none are bad, they're just different.

It made me SO sad because my mom was obsessed with dieting, so I was, too. I remember going on my first "diet" at age 8 and eating lettuce sandwiches. I had body dysmorphia my entire life and always thought I was fat, even when I was a size 0-2. I'd deprive myself and then go binge on junk. It's taken me a long time to develop a stable relationship with food, and I'll still occasionally go on a binge.

I don't want that for my DD. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food.

How are you handling this with your kids?