jsmith123 wrote:If you're sending gifts and not hearing anything about them, stop sending gifts.

I hate the gift exchange for nieces and nephews especially now that they’re older and buying cute toys and outfits is no longer fun). I don’t know what they want, and SIL just says send a gift card.

I personally endured DH family practices but said I was going to stop when the kid turned 18. On my nephew 18th birthday I sent him a HB text. My DD turns 17 later thus year and I’m crossing my fingers SIL doesn’t send her a gift. But really hoping she gets the picture after I send her 12yo something but don’t send nephew a 19yo gift either. I’m truly done.

Even last year she texted my DD and asked what she wanted for her birthday. My DD sent her a thanks text back when the gift arrived. I want DIL to realize that I’m out if it. That she should not give a gift to a child hoping the mom reciprocates. I’m not even acknowledging them anymore. (I do think SIL just enjoys giving gifts, but I still want it to stop soon. )

Anonymous wrote:Can you "lie" and say that the Amazon screen has been stuck on "in transit" for a while now. Before you call and raise a stink with them, you want to see if it has been delivered? That has happened before to me for real.

That way, it comes from a place of "concern". There is nothing to raise as a stink because you aren't shaming them for not saying thank you. And since it was delivered that will prompt a " omg we have been so busy with online school and Tim's godmother testing positive for COVID it totally slipped through the cracks."

I like this. Thanks!

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I used to always reach out but that's because my SIL (and BIL) and their kids are rude and never acknowledge nor thank us for gifts. Now they send acknowledgements at some point (two months later in the case of a generous graduation gift this year). I'm over it and have told my husband that his family is 100% his responsibility now. I love buying people gifts and I used to enjoy searching for and buying things for them, but after years of silence I got tired of it and stopped. Now I think he sends gift cards at the last minute but I'm not sure because I don't care anymore.

Ugh, OP here and I tried this for my FIL but my DH just totally dropped the ball and the poor man has never received a birthday gift or a Father’s Day card after I abdicated responsibility—but I suppose he didn’t before I came along either. So I’ll continue to take responsibility for the nieces and nephews whether their parents acknowledge the gifts or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sent a birthday gift to SIL’s dd over a week ago and haven’t heard a peep about it. (Amazon used their trucks to deliver it and won’t give me any tracking history or a picture of it on their porch but said it was delivered.) DH thinks there is no way we can ask about it without seeming like we are rude and fishing for a thank you while simultaneously shaming her for not already offering one. (His family has a strong tradition of passive aggression and reading way too much negativity into a situation where there is none so he’s probably dead on that this is how any outreach would be interpreted by SIL.)

The only reason I’m particularly hung up on this is because my dd never received a birthday gift from my other SIL earlier this year, which was very unusual but we both agreed that as the recipient we couldn’t say “where’s the gift?” and it was incumbent upon SIL to send a “hope it arrived!” message to open the door for us to tell her nothing arrived this year. But here we are as the sender and I feel like I can’t say anything here either to confirm that it did arrive and they aren’t also sitting around thinking “that’s weird that they never sent a gift this year.”

Try to tactfully reach out? Or say nothing and add potentially missing birthday gifts to the weirdness of 2020?

So, your niece? I find it odd that you didn't refer to the child that way.

Yes, she’s my much adored niece and that’s how I think of her but if it was MY sister's kid I would have texted and made sure the gift arrived without hesitation because we don’t have weird communication issues. I was just specifying that this is my lovely dh’s family that I’m working with and it’s like dealing with a ticking time bomb.

Personally, I used to always reach out but that's because my SIL (and BIL) and their kids are rude and never acknowledge nor thank us for gifts. Now they send acknowledgements at some point (two months later in the case of a generous graduation gift this year). I'm over it and have told my husband that his family is 100% his responsibility now. I love buying people gifts and I used to enjoy searching for and buying things for them, but after years of silence I got tired of it and stopped. Now I think he sends gift cards at the last minute but I'm not sure because I don't care anymore.

Anonymous wrote:We sent a birthday gift to SIL’s dd over a week ago and haven’t heard a peep about it. (Amazon used their trucks to deliver it and won’t give me any tracking history or a picture of it on their porch but said it was delivered.) DH thinks there is no way we can ask about it without seeming like we are rude and fishing for a thank you while simultaneously shaming her for not already offering one. (His family has a strong tradition of passive aggression and reading way too much negativity into a situation where there is none so he’s probably dead on that this is how any outreach would be interpreted by SIL.)

The only reason I’m particularly hung up on this is because my dd never received a birthday gift from my other SIL earlier this year, which was very unusual but we both agreed that as the recipient we couldn’t say “where’s the gift?” and it was incumbent upon SIL to send a “hope it arrived!” message to open the door for us to tell her nothing arrived this year. But here we are as the sender and I feel like I can’t say anything here either to confirm that it did arrive and they aren’t also sitting around thinking “that’s weird that they never sent a gift this year.”

Try to tactfully reach out? Or say nothing and add potentially missing birthday gifts to the weirdness of 2020?

So, your niece? I find it odd that you didn't refer to the child that way.

Can you "lie" and say that the Amazon screen has been stuck on "in transit" for a while now. Before you call and raise a stink with them, you want to see if it has been delivered? That has happened before to me for real.

That way, it comes from a place of "concern". There is nothing to raise as a stink because you aren't shaming them for not saying thank you. And since it was delivered that will prompt a " omg we have been so busy with online school and Tim's godmother testing positive for COVID it totally slipped through the cracks."

If you're sending gifts and not hearing anything about them, stop sending gifts.

No

Just send a “hope it arrived” text yourself. Done

Your dh is weird. Of course you can ask if they got a package.

Have they always thanked you promptly before?

We sent a birthday gift to SIL’s dd over a week ago and haven’t heard a peep about it. (Amazon used their trucks to deliver it and won’t give me any tracking history or a picture of it on their porch but said it was delivered.) DH thinks there is no way we can ask about it without seeming like we are rude and fishing for a thank you while simultaneously shaming her for not already offering one. (His family has a strong tradition of passive aggression and reading way too much negativity into a situation where there is none so he’s probably dead on that this is how any outreach would be interpreted by SIL.)

The only reason I’m particularly hung up on this is because my dd never received a birthday gift from my other SIL earlier this year, which was very unusual but we both agreed that as the recipient we couldn’t say “where’s the gift?” and it was incumbent upon SIL to send a “hope it arrived!” message to open the door for us to tell her nothing arrived this year. But here we are as the sender and I feel like I can’t say anything here either to confirm that it did arrive and they aren’t also sitting around thinking “that’s weird that they never sent a gift this year.”

Try to tactfully reach out? Or say nothing and add potentially missing birthday gifts to the weirdness of 2020?