The Invisible String

They died. Before any people died they had enough fish die that they understood the concept of death.

My 5 year old seems to have a pretty good grasp after losing pets and her great grandmother. We say that when someone gets very very old or sick (or hurt really badly, ahem introduced that after a not looking before crossing the street incident), their body stops working and they're gone and only their body is left. Then you bury the body in the ground and the body becomes part of the earth again. That scene from the Lion King is actually VERY helpful for this concept.

When she's asked questions about parents and grandparents dying, we assure her (for now at least) that your body only dies when you've lived a really really long time and your body gets too tired to live anymore. We talk about how we miss people and pets that have died a lot and it's really sad, but it's nice to talk about them and remember them. She's never lost anyone she's been very close to though, so we've really only covered the concept of death without having to get into grief yet.

Told the then 4 yr old who questioned it when we saw a dead bird.

While looking at the bird

See how the birds body has started to melt into the ground? See how the bones are left? The birds body and all the insides (she’s very fascinated with internal organs so we listed off some) will melt all away into the ground and that ground will then grow lots of grass and plants for bugs and birds and even animals. And the bones, remember the museum with the bones? Sometimes people will take the bones and clean them and put them where people can see them. Sometimes, like these, people leave them and they get covered by dirt and plants and then get buried until someone digs and finds them.

And that was it.

Nothing more because to us there is nothing more

My 5 year old is definitely talking about it a lot more lately. We explained that the body stops working but also that people (or animals) "go back to being part of the earth" when they die and how we can always be with them because they are in our hearts and on our minds. He seems to find comfort in that description. When I was putting up old family photos of my grandparents who have died, he surprised me with "don't worry, Mommy, we are their future." I think he got it from a show but I thought it was a pretty good perspective!

My dad passed when our child was very young. We had lost a pet shortly before. I think I said something along the lines of they had died and we wouldn’t be able to see them again. I had started out saying they had gone to sleep forever but that I was concerned it would cause sleeping problems! I did read the red string and modified to take their religion out of it while reading aloud. We didn’t get into anything faith based at all. But I said that she could always talk to him when she needed to, and that he would always be alive in our hearts. that we could think about it whenever we wanted. And also that it was OK to be sad. If she had been a little bit bigger I would’ve asked her what she’d like to do for his memory. I think will do that now anyway. We also looked at a lot of all of us together.

How to tell them about death or “afterlife”? I am a PICU nurse and we have had several family deaths in the last year. When I have come home sad about a kid/baby dying or a family member, I say XXX’s body stopped working because they were old/sick/something was wrong etc. they don’t have anymore booboos. We can’t see them again but we can talk about them and remember them and look at pictures.

When a great-grand parent died a few years ago - my kids were on the young side. Early elem and preschool. For kids at that age, they're thinking is very concrete. So I talked about how she is dead and we can no longer spend time with her. I talked about how she will always be in our memories and we can talk about the time we spent together and how we still love her even if she's gone; she lives on in our memories. Like everything else, follow the kids' lead. I don't remember getting questions about afterlife, where your soul goes or anything like that. But I typically answer those type of questions with isn't that nice to imagine these things.

Anonymous wrote:I tell them we don’t really know what happens when we die. Some people believe xyz and others believe abc.

+1 This is what I believe, too -- there's no way for us to know, but here are some interpretations via various religions.

OP, what do you believe about death? That's what you should be telling your kids.

Just matter of fact. Did a little of the “some people believe” thing so that they wouldn’t be caught off guard by comments about heaven, etc. I didn’t get as many questions as I anticipated.

Anonymous wrote:I tell them we don’t really know what happens when we die. Some people believe xyz and others believe abc.

This. And I also tell them that people’s beliefs may change over time and it’s fine for them to believe in whatever feels right to them.

Anonymous wrote:I tell my kids that the person’s spirit is always alive in our memories of our times together.

This is how we explained it to our 7 year old when my dad died this summer. We also added in a "he believed in X". Ds thinks he is in a place called Heaven and is playing with the 2 dogs I had growing up.

I tell them we don’t really know what happens when we die. Some people believe xyz and others believe abc.

I tell my kids that the person’s spirit is always alive in our memories of our times together.

Thanks