I think a balance is best -- play together all of you for 15-20 minutes and then they play alone for an hour. Then maybe get them started on a more structured activity for 5 minutes and then they do that for 20 more minutes. You take breaks in between. I certainly don't think you need to sit on the floor and play with them for 2 hours straight. They need to learn how to play by themselves, especially the 5-year-old!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a 5 yr old and 20 month old can't really play together. You are not a better parent than DH. Stop trying to prove you are. You just come across like a martyr.

DP but actually based on the evidence as presented by OP I’d 100% disagree with that statement.

DCUM is so weird. If OP had posted that she had a nanny who engaged in “playtime” with the kids in this way, everyone would tell her how unacceptable that is....because it is!!!

The only thing that would bother me is if the nanny were on her phone. If she were reading a book or writing or something, that would be fine. Too many parents think that kids need constant adult interaction, stimulation, and direction. It's okay to have unstructured time. Yes, interact with them throughout the day: read them a story, draw a picture with them, bake cookies with them, take a walk around the neighborhood, look for bugs in the backyard, whatever. But letting them play on their own is good for them. If OP's husband is always ignoring the kids, then that's the issue, not letting them have free play.

And if OP is tired after playtime, she's doing it wrong. She's spoiling her kids. She should play with them as much as she enjoys, and not to the point that she's worn out.

Anonymous wrote:If the kids are occupied without screens, nothing is getting destroyed, no one is getting hurt, and the kids are having fun, who cares?
My parents were very involved, but they rarely actively played with me. That’s what my brothers were for, or I played alone. It’s a weird expectation that parents need to do this all the time. I spent time with parents being involved in what they were doing (cooking, yard work, whatever) when we were home, or the kids just played on their own.
Also, I’ve never had a designated “play time” for my kids. Is this a set time in your house? I recommend relaxing & not looking for problems that don’t appear to be there (from your description).

+1

I play with my kid sometimes, but she also plays by herself for long stretches of time. Kids don't need you on the floor with them, directing their play, all the time. They need time to use their imaginations, to figure out what to do, to have minor squabbles and figure out how to deal with them (step in if it looks like someone might get hurt), to direct their own play. This develops important skills.

So yes, many families let their kids play on their own at playtime. Your five-year-old, especially, is old enough for independent play. And it doesn't hurt the 20-month-old to do that sometimes, too. You're wrong, your husband is right.

Now, whether he should be sitting on his phone all the time is different -- personally, I think he should be reading a book or a magazine instead, to model that reading is a pleasurable habit. And hopefully he engages with them sometimes -- reading a story at bedtime, doing baths, etc. But he isn't wrong that you don't need to be playing with your kids all the time.

If the kids are occupied without screens, nothing is getting destroyed, no one is getting hurt, and the kids are having fun, who cares?
My parents were very involved, but they rarely actively played with me. That’s what my brothers were for, or I played alone. It’s a weird expectation that parents need to do this all the time. I spent time with parents being involved in what they were doing (cooking, yard work, whatever) when we were home, or the kids just played on their own.
Also, I’ve never had a designated “play time” for my kids. Is this a set time in your house? I recommend relaxing & not looking for problems that don’t appear to be there (from your description).

Anonymous wrote:DH’s definition of playtime at home is letting 5 year old & 20 months old playing by themselves while he sits back playing on cellphone for 1-2 hour in the same space. So, 5 year old may read some books, play some toys, jump on sofa while 20 months old may walk around, take out many toys from toy bins & move them around the house, jump on sofa, play some toy cars & follow what 5 year old do. There could be laughing, whining or 5 year old complaining of 20 months old. They don’t really play together, and it ends up with a messy house. DH is always feel refreshed after he takes care of kids at playtime.

My definition of playtime at home is sitting on the floor playing with 5 year old & 20 months old either reading books, playing blocks, cuddling, sing some songs, playing musical instruments, doing some scribbling, or some pretend play. When I see they are fighting, I see that as a teaching lesson to teach them something. I am always tired after I take care of kids at playtime.

Both kids have a good time at DH or my playtime. DH tells me that many families let their kids playing by themselves at playtime, and it is not like that he is finding excuses to play on his cellphone at his playtime. Well, I don’t truly believe that especially both kids are on the young side. What does playtime look like at your home?

Your 5 year old is definitely not on the young side for independent play. Reading and interacting with your kids is good for them. Free play is also good for them. You need a balance of the two.

Anonymous wrote:a 5 yr old and 20 month old can't really play together. You are not a better parent than DH. Stop trying to prove you are. You just come across like a martyr.

DP but actually based on the evidence as presented by OP I’d 100% disagree with that statement.

DCUM is so weird. If OP had posted that she had a nanny who engaged in “playtime” with the kids in this way, everyone would tell her how unacceptable that is....because it is!!!

I have a 2 year old and 4 year old and they play together at least half of the day. I would lose my mind if every second had to be direct hands on parenting. Let them find ways to amuse themselves.

a 5 yr old and 20 month old can't really play together. You are not a better parent than DH. Stop trying to prove you are. You just come across like a martyr.

DH’s definition of playtime at home is letting 5 year old & 20 months old playing by themselves while he sits back playing on cellphone for 1-2 hour in the same space. So, 5 year old may read some books, play some toys, jump on sofa while 20 months old may walk around, take out many toys from toy bins & move them around the house, jump on sofa, play some toy cars & follow what 5 year old do. There could be laughing, whining or 5 year old complaining of 20 months old. They don’t really play together, and it ends up with a messy house. DH is always feel refreshed after he takes care of kids at playtime.

My definition of playtime at home is sitting on the floor playing with 5 year old & 20 months old either reading books, playing blocks, cuddling, sing some songs, playing musical instruments, doing some scribbling, or some pretend play. When I see they are fighting, I see that as a teaching lesson to teach them something. I am always tired after I take care of kids at playtime.

Both kids have a good time at DH or my playtime. DH tells me that many families let their kids playing by themselves at playtime, and it is not like that he is finding excuses to play on his cellphone at his playtime. Well, I don’t truly believe that especially both kids are on the young side. What does playtime look like at your home?