Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a lesbian relationship for almost 25 years but we broke up after she cheated on me with another woman. We weren’t married so we didn’t go through a divorce which would have just added to the pain. About two years later I was at a conference and I was on a panel with a very nice guy and we hit it off though nothing happened then. A month later he was in town on business and he invited me to dinner. I was really attracted to him and I didn’t tell him that I was a lesbian. We’ve been a couple now for three years and he knows my history. I suppose I’m bisexual but I love monogamy and being in a sexual relationship.

Isn't that pansexual? Meaning it is the person, not the gender that is of your utmost interest.

I think pansexual includes dating trans people and is broader than bisexual.

Anonymous wrote:How often does this happen, and why does it happen?

Seems quite rare but it happened to me. Identified as lesbian and, outside of a few bf's/fwb's in hs and college, dated women exclusively until my late 30's. Most of my previous (and early) experiences with men were negative and I had a bad association with them; women were safer, more emotionally available, I had an attraction to them and didn't mind living differently than most of society... Initially started seeing men for the physical and slowly came to realize my fears of them held me back from pursuing authentic, loving, romantic relationships. Since then have gone on TONS of dates, fell in love with a couple guys that didn't work out, continue to work through my issues, and feel ready to settle down with the right man. Finding him is a different story but I have hope.

Lesbians don’t marry men later in life.

Bisexual women do.

Compulsory heterosexuality is something that happens in earlier life.

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't and stop fetishizing lesbians. It's creepy.

Oh please.

The reverse happened to 2 separate married men I know; both were married with children, then divorced and both are re-married to other men.

The idea that this never, ever happens to lesbian couples (or anyone else under the LGTBQ umbrella) is ridiculous and discriminatory.

Anonymous wrote:I was in a lesbian relationship for almost 25 years but we broke up after she cheated on me with another woman. We weren’t married so we didn’t go through a divorce which would have just added to the pain. About two years later I was at a conference and I was on a panel with a very nice guy and we hit it off though nothing happened then. A month later he was in town on business and he invited me to dinner. I was really attracted to him and I didn’t tell him that I was a lesbian. We’ve been a couple now for three years and he knows my history. I suppose I’m bisexual but I love monogamy and being in a sexual relationship.

Isn't that pansexual? Meaning it is the person, not the gender that is of your utmost interest.

I was in a lesbian relationship for almost 25 years but we broke up after she cheated on me with another woman. We weren’t married so we didn’t go through a divorce which would have just added to the pain. About two years later I was at a conference and I was on a panel with a very nice guy and we hit it off though nothing happened then. A month later he was in town on business and he invited me to dinner. I was really attracted to him and I didn’t tell him that I was a lesbian. We’ve been a couple now for three years and he knows my history. I suppose I’m bisexual but I love monogamy and being in a sexual relationship.

the smith factor. it’s the reverse of what happens in a heteronormative setting. super interesting

Anonymous wrote:It happened to Piper Kerman. She dated a loooot of women at Smith, in prison, and after, and then married a man, with whom she is super happy now.

(I just read Orange is the New Black and then watched a lot of interviews of PK).

I have a friend who was a college classmate with PK and she followed the same path.

I’m a boring lesbian with 2 kids and a wife. We’ve been together over 20 years. The overwhelming majority of our friends are straight moms/families because we’re connected through our kids and our work. But we do have lesbian friends, and of those, some have split with their partner/spouse and then started dating men.

I’ve often thought that if something awful (God forbid) were to happen to my wife, I’d probably end up in a relationship with a man. At this point in my life, it would just be easier to find a man with whom I could be compatible on many levels.

So why does this happen? My guess is that many lesbians are really more bisexual. I would say that’s probably true for me. I love my wife deeply and am attracted to her. And... I’m also attracted to men. But that attraction has never been any motivation to pursue relationships with them. It’s not something I’m repressing or hiding. It’s just not a part of who I am right now.

I don’t think the same is true for gay men. Or straight men, while we’re at it. I think they are hardwired for much clearer sexual attraction: I want this or I want that. I have never heard of a gay man who’s been in relationship with men then begin having a relationship with a woman. If a “straight” man begins having relationships with men, it’s something freeing. He’ll say he’s been gay all along and was repressing it. For women, it’s much more fluid.

Couldn’t they just have been bisexuals, not lesbians?

It happened to Piper Kerman. She dated a loooot of women at Smith, in prison, and after, and then married a man, with whom she is super happy now.

(I just read Orange is the New Black and then watched a lot of interviews of PK).

Happened to me actually.

Straight men appreciating and admiring lesbians is about as creepy as lesbians who do the same (fetishize?) with straight women, straight women who do the same with gay men, or gay men who do the same with straight men. In other words, not that creepy.

It's different if the straight men aren't really appreciating or admiring lesbians but are thinking about them as nothing more than challenging conquests or strong women to be broken. That would be creepy.

It doesn't and stop fetishizing lesbians. It's creepy.

How often does this happen, and why does it happen?