Anonymous wrote:My DH doesn't have a real job, sits in a corner of our house all day long on his computer, and rarely leaves the house. Meanwhile, I am working full-time, mostly from home but I go in once a week--and I am doing absolutely everything involving kids. Honestly, they're teenagers, but since school started they are both needing a lot of support--emotionally, but also asking for help with school work--and I do it all. I cook all the meals, grocery shop, and take kid to sports practice three times a week. The resentment toward him that has built up in the past six months is irreparable.

Why do you do all that? For example, when your kid asks for a ride to sports practice, why not say, “ask your father to take you.”

I just want to say to any males who are reading threads here: do your share of housework and childcare! Literally every single woman I know does way, way more.

My DH doesn't have a real job, sits in a corner of our house all day long on his computer, and rarely leaves the house. Meanwhile, I am working full-time, mostly from home but I go in once a week--and I am doing absolutely everything involving kids. Honestly, they're teenagers, but since school started they are both needing a lot of support--emotionally, but also asking for help with school work--and I do it all. I cook all the meals, grocery shop, and take kid to sports practice three times a week. The resentment toward him that has built up in the past six months is irreparable.

Yes, COVID-ing has put a much finer point on our existing issues (division of labor, engagement with the kids, emotional disconnection) and also amplified minor annoyances like how he chews and how he wears headphones all day.

I realized he constantly overeats, is a bigger pig than I thought, and can’t keep track of time or schedules. Useless and in the way.

To be fair, DCUM women have been realizing that their husbands suck since 2005, long before covid.

I'm in the same boat. I do think of it as temporary in some ways, but some are just shining a light on his shortcomings (as I'm sure they are on mine).

For example, I literally walked my husband though how to log on to check on our daughter's homework and stay up to date so it doesn't all fall on me. I'm only one person' parent, not his. He claims it doesn't work, but then yells at her when she has tech glitches.

Another example: I'm having surgery on Monday. So Covid test tomorrow with self-isolation/quarantine needed until Monday. He invited people over (WTH even without surgery) and refuses to hear that I can't interact with anyone. His interaction with them is bad enough.... It's a sign of his just intense selfishness.

Anonymous wrote:Unless there's something really awful going on, I think you should look at this as a high-stress, short term (over the long term of your marriage) situation and not jump to divorce over him not handling it well. This is a "for better or for worse" thing, if it's not a problem in normal times don't end the marriage over it in stressful times.

You can definitely address the balance of housework/childcare, but don't make long-term decisions based on short-term circumstances.

+1

I think all of the commotion about "having to actually spend time together" that this pandemic caused is hilarious. But maybe that's because my wife and I actually married someone we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with.

Unless there's something really awful going on, I think you should look at this as a high-stress, short term (over the long term of your marriage) situation and not jump to divorce over him not handling it well. This is a "for better or for worse" thing, if it's not a problem in normal times don't end the marriage over it in stressful times.

You can definitely address the balance of housework/childcare, but don't make long-term decisions based on short-term circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:Can you give us some examples of what makes him a bad person and describe the balance of labor in your home in more detail? What kind of work and what aged kids?

I'm the OP of the homeschooling thread down below. The stress of this situation has forced me to realize what an asshole he is. I'm so over it. I'd walk out the door today if I didn't have kids.

No, I knew it before. This is not the most stressful time in our relationship.

Many people have reacted to stress differently than their spouses. Can you describe which reactions upset you?

Can you give us some examples of what makes him a bad person and describe the balance of labor in your home in more detail? What kind of work and what aged kids?

Being forced to be together all the time plus seeing how he reacts to stressful situations (like distance learning/no in person school) has been opening my eyes to what a jerk he can be. I always knew he had asshole tendencies (his sense of humor is very sarcastic and he can't resist busting balls) but it wasn't rubbed in my face as much back when he was at work all day.

How do you know when you are ready to divorce? Especially with three kids and a very unequal income balance (he makes much much more).

It's weird because I thought we had a pretty good relationship pre Covid. But then certain things happened and the way he reacted (not well) has changed my opinion of him.

Should I just wait until things go back to normal? I fantasize about getting all my ducks in a row and just moving out. He would be completely shocked and he deserves the type of floundering he would go through (he is the type of person who never cleans or cooks or takes care of his own kids, etc.).