This post sounds a little tone deaf given that we are in the middle of a pandemic and forced to act as our kids' teachers while in the trenches of remote learning. At least this year no, I don't think we are underestimating how much time we have with our kids!

You sound like you want a SAHM war. We don't leave the house except a few things. House is very small. We spend a lot of time together.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone who is emotionally healthy thinks this way.

I think most healthy adults, parentrs realize their kids will have multiple influences and that is a good thing. I think they also realize they won't be their largest influence.

+1 I'm a SAHM - it's never occurred to me that I would stay at home so that I could be my child's *only* or even main influence beyond the teen years. When I was a kid, I just liked my mom being home. it made me feel secure. I now have very different views/life than she did, and -I say this with a chuckle- I expect my kids to have their own views/life choices too!

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone who is emotionally healthy thinks this way.

I think most healthy adults, parentrs realize their kids will have multiple influences and that is a good thing. I think they also realize they won't be their largest influence.

Family and parents is largest influence. Science.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

The foundation for your tweens/ teens coming to you is set in the early years. There's no point in time where you can check out of parenting, and your kids will not be messed up.

I agree. But I think having a nanny or using childcare in the early years will be fine if you need to work. I don’t mean don’t spend time with them. I just think it’s more impactful to be around as much as possible as they get more aware of their life and develop into their own person.

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

The foundation for your tweens/ teens coming to you is set in the early years. There's no point in time where you can check out of parenting, and your kids will not be messed up.

I don't think anyone who is emotionally healthy thinks this way.

I think most healthy adults, parentrs realize their kids will have multiple influences and that is a good thing. I think they also realize they won't be their largest influence.

Oh another mommy wars post. Just what 2020 needed.

I don't know, but my friends definitely overestimate how much time I should spend with their horrible kids.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. This post is from Mars. I can’t relate. I don’t know anyone who wants to be their entire world for their children.

No one wants to be the entire world to their kids. That's just your defenses kicking in. A kid's family is their foundation, from which they go out into the world. It's important to have a good foundation, for their childhoods and for building on when they leave home. I think a strong family is critical to happiness and mental health in life.

Anonymous wrote:some people...enjoy spending time with their kids.

No I totally get that and I enjoy it too. But with some people there’s an element of “I’m the only one I trust to take care of my kids” and for those with older kids it’s “My kids won’t succeed if I’m not at home to help them academically and socially.” That’s the attitude I don’t get.

Ugh. This post is from Mars. I can’t relate. I don’t know anyone who wants to be their entire world for their children.

I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

some people...enjoy spending time with their kids.

Especially the SAHMs who want to be the only influence on their DCs. It’s more justifiable during the infant and toddler years (especially if your alternative is 50 hours with an uneducated daycare worker or nanny) but it gets creepy after school-age.

For context - both of my parents grew up with SAHMs who were busy all day every day with housework and never read them books or got on the floor to play with them. They are highly educated with master’s degrees. I grew up with two working parents who spent a lot of quality time with me but weren’t obsessive about being the only influence in my life. I am highly educated as well. I guess I don’t see why parents have to be the entire world for their kids.