this sounds like my ex. he's my ex.

It's a BDSM thing. But that doesn't matter. He doesn't respect you saying you don't like it. Dump him

I would dump him and bang his best friend

He sounds very manipulative and is possibly living a double life. I’d dump him.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I definitely think he has BDSM interests as there have been other signs. I know nothing about that world, and don't really know how to broach the topic.

Ask him if he is into edging. Because that's fine, but you have to agree to it, too.

Sounds abusive and controlling to me.

The thing with BDSM is both parties have to consent to it , ortherwise it's just controlling and abusive.

In my experiece people into BDSM have no problem bringing it up.


This doesn't sound like BDSM. This sounds like a man with controlling and abusive tendancies who is seeing exactly what OP will put up with.


It also sounds like he's leading a double life.

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t sound healthy.

Nope/ I'd leave him. You have discussed how this doesn't work for you. He refuses to change. It will not get better than it is now. This is the honeymoon phase. Take it or leave it. I would leave it.

Is he controlling in other ways? I would say, picture not a big deal. Not telling you when he is returning from the trip, red flag. Sex stuff: fine if you enjoy it, but no good if you don't match up in terms of what you are into sexually. Also, there is a small chance he's a serial killer.

Yes, I definitely think he has BDSM interests as there have been other signs. I know nothing about that world, and don't really know how to broach the topic.

P.S.. Get yourself a good vibrator and use it instead when he is trying to use sex as a way to indulge his control freak tendencies.

It’s possible that he has BDSM interests and he’s trying to see if you’re into it by “teasing” you in this way. If you’re not into it, you have to let him know.

If you haven’t had a conversation with him about how much you dislike this behavior, then you are not actually having a mature and intimate relationship.

Are you having enough fun to put up with it? Then enjoy. But don’t fool yourself, and for gods sake’s don’t marry him unless you learn how to actually talk about things that are bothering you, and he learns how to listen.

This doesn’t sound healthy.

It is very strange that he will not tell you when he is returning. That is a huge red flag

I really enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend. He's a lot of fun, and we've fallen in love with each other. There is one thing that drives me crazy about him though. He likes for me to yearn for things. I hate this! For example, he's out of town and I miss him. I asked him to send me a pic. He refuses, says he wants me to anticipate seeing him badly, so I can't see him til he gets back. This is so annoying to me. He also won't tell me when he's coming back. Another example is that at times he will get me really worked up for sex and then refuse to give it to me. I've told him this annoys me, but he won't stop. It's extra irritating because we have crazy chemistry. I know everyone has flaws. And outside of this little teasing/control thing, I absolutely adore him. We have tons in common, he spoils me with lots of attention, works hard at the relationship, and just generally really caters to my needs. Should I suck this up?