Anonymous wrote:Buying a big new house provided cover during an affair.. who would do that, it's part of gaslighting.

The idiot did not plan to get caught he/she planned to stay married and carry on the affair, the other spouse is not aware.

Yeah. I can see that. They gaslight wife with gifts, parties, dinners, new car...so she does not suspect the AP.

Buying a big new house provided cover during an affair.. who would do that, it's part of gaslighting.

The idiot did not plan to get caught he/she planned to stay married and carry on the affair, the other spouse is not aware.

Anonymous wrote:Eh. When I’ve seen this, it’s made sense. It’s the belief that fixing the exterior (different house - different neighborhood - “nicer” things) will fix a fundamentally interior problem (the relationship). Like women who think getting implants are what will fix their low self-esteem. It could be kinda true in a superficial way - for awhile - but it wears off, and the real problem is still there.

THE RELATIONSHIP ISN'T THE PROBLEM.

The INDIVIDUAL is the problem. The one that is never happy. The wife that thinks if she has what everyone else has on social media she will have the perfect life. There is a lot of dysfunction.

It culminates in the biggest purchase still not solving her chronic unhappiness...so it has to be the man now. She is never the problem. It is always somebody else or something that is the cause of her unhappiness.

Anonymous wrote:Eh. When I’ve seen this, it’s made sense. It’s the belief that fixing the exterior (different house - different neighborhood - “nicer” things) will fix a fundamentally interior problem (the relationship). Like women who think getting implants are what will fix their low self-esteem. It could be kinda true in a superficial way - for awhile - but it wears off, and the real problem is still there.

In my husband's APs case, it wore off 5 months after moving into the brand new house.

I am convinced the house was for the extra guest room she used to bang her Internet guests.

Most likely one of them realized, upon buying a SFH, that they want their simple life alone to do as they please. No house, yard or spouse (or kids) responsibilities to take care of. So a/he files for divorce, to get the easy life back.

Similarly if one spouse realizes they married a dud who can’t take care of anything: divorce.

Eh. When I’ve seen this, it’s made sense. It’s the belief that fixing the exterior (different house - different neighborhood - “nicer” things) will fix a fundamentally interior problem (the relationship). Like women who think getting implants are what will fix their low self-esteem. It could be kinda true in a superficial way - for awhile - but it wears off, and the real problem is still there.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

When the focus is on the ring and the big 'show', yes, the marriage is often an afterthought. It's also correlated with the amount of social media use and Facebook friends. The superficiality is a big part of it.

The other pp saying 'last ditch effort/distraction' makes sense. BUT, I also think some people will never be happy and they think 'oh if I get this brand new big house, everything will be better and I'll be happy'. The problem is they are trying to fix their insides with outside things...same goes with infidelity. They are never going to be happy because their insides are not and they never get to the root of their issues.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

And number of bridesmaids!! A priest told me.

The higher number of bridesmaids/groomsmen in a wedding party=the higher the chances of divorce.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

that one makes sense to me. How many brides do you know that were more concerned with being a bride and having their fairy tale wedding than being a wife and starting a life with their husband?

Anonymous wrote:Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

After I posted this, I felt like the girl in Ferris Bueller: My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night.

Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

For me it was a last effort. Spent time apart, did therapy, agreed to give it another chance and old house was filled with triggers and bad memories.

Much longer story here, but the money on the new house was just cause we could afford it. It didn't have to be big fancy and new but since we could afford that, why not.

It was also a big distraction and way to prolong the inevitable, as did living together in less proximity.

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't this exact same thread posted a few weeks ago?

Oh--don't know. I just ran into someone on my walk that is newly separated...in a brand new home just under 2 years.

Wasn't this exact same thread posted a few weeks ago?

I now know of at least 3 couples that made a move into a brand new large $1.5 million home and then split up with 2 years.

My friends husband cheated with some women in her 'new' home the family bought 6 months earlier. Husband bought the house and she had new Internet AP in it a few months later.

I don't understand the psychology. Is it like the idiotic 'having a baby' to save the marriage?

In the 3 cases, it was the husband that left. Maybe in my friend's case that woman was trying to milk everything she wanted out of the husband before filing for divorce or wanted a fancier pad to bring her dates.