^ It would pretty much destroy me if my DH felt that way, even worse if he discussed it with his friends. I bet if you had married the “one that got away” you would say the exact same thing about her not being the love of your life. Stop living in your past and romanticizing it and treat your DW like she is the love of your life. You might be surprised at how much happier you will be.

I’m in this spot. I’m a DH. Most (not all) of my buddies I know well enough to discuss this with are in the same boat.

You have more passion, interests, potential, all that earlier in life. You probably also were both much hotter. That plus the nostalgia is always going to feel better than someone with whom you have to share kid duty, endure financial choices that aren’t your own, and smell each other’s bathroom stuff.

It was, in fact, better. Maybe that person was the love of your life. Maybe not. It’s gonna feel like it either way. But we have to grow up. My wife isn’t by any means my soul mate and isn’t the love of my life. That happened a long time ago. I still love her. But I’m mostly happy with the life I have. You make do.

I never stopped loving my first love. But I didn’t marry him and am happily married. We weren’t meant to be, what can you do.

Anonymous wrote:I thought this wasn’t possible until it happened to me. Luckily I wasn’t married. Therapy helped, OP, but it was just so strange that I had to take a leap of faith. I had always been able to rely on my heart so it was a painful and tumultuous and messy time.

So how did everything end up working out for you? Did you leave your partner?

I’m married and also have another partner of several years. It’s all on the up and up. Ethical non-monogamy. It gets confusing. My love for my husband is different than for my other partner because we’ve been together for a very long time. We are life partners. My relationship with my other partner is more like with a boyfriend because we don’t have the same stresses. But I definitely love them both.

I thought this wasn’t possible until it happened to me. Luckily I wasn’t married. Therapy helped, OP, but it was just so strange that I had to take a leap of faith. I had always been able to rely on my heart so it was a painful and tumultuous and messy time.

Sounds like fun. My life is so boring.

Anonymous wrote:I do not think it’s impossible to love two people at once. Also just because you love someone else doesn’t mean you have any intention to cheat.

Certainly doesn't mean they love you back. You are pining for something that is not available to you. Move on.

I do not think it’s impossible to love two people at once. Also just because you love someone else doesn’t mean you have any intention to cheat.

Impossible.

You are not in love with the other person.

You are in love with the idea of them. It’s not real.

You need to have zero contact with the other person

Is your spouse a comfortable, deep, friend/family type love and your AP is an infatuation, attraction, chemistry type love?

Those statements are in conflict.

Anyone happily married but also love someone else? Maybe is an ex or old friend? How do you handle this situation?