Anonymous
08/19/2020 21:49
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
Anonymous wrote:OP, I've been thinking of your friend and their family. I hope they have been able to start to build a support network around them to help with all family members' physical and emotional needs through this trauma.
May I share something from my experience + the benefit of time? When this happened in my family, it was initially addressed as my sibling's trauma and we (Mom, Dad, me) were the most impacted by-standers.
Even healing was initially structured around "fixing" her, and trying to "get back to normal." That recovery structure didn't help all 4 of us fully and authentically heal. It wasn't until my family could recognize that this was a family trauma that impacted all of us, and we all had roles in recovery, for ourselves and as a unit. It isn't easy, and it took us many years to reach this stage of enlightenment, and have all family members aligned. I do wonder sometimes how much would have changed, if we'd been able to take this approach from the beginning. I feel like we could have bypassed so much hurt. Surviving--->Thriving
.
Thank you for thinking of them. They are still in crisis mode I think. The son got a bed finally, but in PA. They are getting help from a church with temporary housing 90 min away from him until he is stable enough for release. We will try to support them when they return, but the pandemic really makes everything harder. “Normal” must seem so unattainable.
Anonymous
08/19/2020 13:05
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
My main advice is to STAY in the ER until they have confirmed a bed is available somewhere that is IN NETWORK for your insurance. The ER will want to get them out. Don't agree to leave and have a place call you once you get home. When you are in the ER, you are there problem to solve. They don't have to take the first bed that is available if its a low quality facility.
Anonymous
08/19/2020 13:04
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
If he's over 14, there are a lot more options for hospital beds.
If they live in Northern VA, the Merrifield mental health center is responsible for finding beds for local people. There are very few beds around here for children and teens--they might find a bed in a more quality facility in PA.
Merrifield Center
8221 Willow Oaks Corporate Drive
Fairfax, VA 22031
703-559-3000 - Main
703-573-5679 - Emergency Services
If they live in Northern VA, the Merrifield mental health center is responsible for finding beds for local people. There are very few beds around here for children and teens--they might find a bed in a more quality facility in PA.
Merrifield Center
8221 Willow Oaks Corporate Drive
Fairfax, VA 22031
703-559-3000 - Main
703-573-5679 - Emergency Services
Anonymous
08/19/2020 12:41
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
OP, I've been thinking of your friend and their family. I hope they have been able to start to build a support network around them to help with all family members' physical and emotional needs through this trauma.
May I share something from my experience + the benefit of time? When this happened in my family, it was initially addressed as my sibling's trauma and we (Mom, Dad, me) were the most impacted by-standers.
Even healing was initially structured around "fixing" her, and trying to "get back to normal." That recovery structure didn't help all 4 of us fully and authentically heal. It wasn't until my family could recognize that this was a family trauma that impacted all of us, and we all had roles in recovery, for ourselves and as a unit. It isn't easy, and it took us many years to reach this stage of enlightenment, and have all family members aligned. I do wonder sometimes how much would have changed, if we'd been able to take this approach from the beginning. I feel like we could have bypassed so much hurt. Surviving--->Thriving
.
May I share something from my experience + the benefit of time? When this happened in my family, it was initially addressed as my sibling's trauma and we (Mom, Dad, me) were the most impacted by-standers.
Even healing was initially structured around "fixing" her, and trying to "get back to normal." That recovery structure didn't help all 4 of us fully and authentically heal. It wasn't until my family could recognize that this was a family trauma that impacted all of us, and we all had roles in recovery, for ourselves and as a unit. It isn't easy, and it took us many years to reach this stage of enlightenment, and have all family members aligned. I do wonder sometimes how much would have changed, if we'd been able to take this approach from the beginning. I feel like we could have bypassed so much hurt. Surviving--->Thriving
.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 16:57
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
Anonymous wrote:There is an amazing program in the greater Philly area called “Hosts for Hospitals.” https://hostsforhospitals.org/
Since 2000, our non-profit organization has been providing lodging and caring support to meet the housing needs of patients and their families coming to Greater Philadelphia for specialized medical care. The lodging is provided by volunteer Hosts who welcome into their homes patient-families in need.
I imagine there are increased precautions due to COVID. Even if HfH is unable to find a host family for your friends right now (if they are even close to the Philly area) I know they are great resources for helping find info for family housing.
Sending love to your friends. This is a difficult journey- unfortunately one my family walked too. I’m so grateful my sibling survived. It was a complex recovery, for all of us. My sibling is now a thriving adult, with a wonderful family. It really can get better!
Bits of advice from my experience:
-Do anything possible to help protect the privacy of the recovering teen, especially with the mindset of aiding in their eventual transition back into society.
-does the teen have siblings? Do anything possible to support the other children. Trauma causes an upheaval in family life and priorities. Suddenly, all attention (and often finances) are redirected to keeping the survivor alive. It’s far too easy for the other children to fall through the cracks during this time, potentially seeding abandonment issues.
Ways to support other children/young adults in the family:
-Become their College Application coach.
-invite them over for dinners and homework
-hire them to help you with meals/errands/childcare, giving them a task with purpose where you can give them positive reassurance/feedback.
-anything where you can interact with them on a consistent basis
Really, it’s about providing some stability amidst the chaos for those children/teens. Time is a finite resource and in times of crisis that becomes even more apparent. Giving your time, care, and comfort to your friend’s children may be the greatest gift you could ever give your friend.
This sounds amazing. I am sending it to her now.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 16:56
Subject: Re:MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been in these shoes, what I would want is this. Come and get my other kids and take them to my house and stay there with them so they can be in their own home. I'm sorry for your friend. It's a long and horrible road.
This is what they asked, but it will be at least four more days before someone can get there. I’m going to forward the hospital host info to the mom.
Thank you.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 16:20
Subject: Re:MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been in these shoes, what I would want is this. Come and get my other kids and take them to my house and stay there with them so they can be in their own home. I'm sorry for your friend. It's a long and horrible road.
This is good advice. Also ask if you can pack up the camping gear and take it home.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 16:12
Subject: Re:MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
As someone who has been in these shoes, what I would want is this. Come and get my other kids and take them to my house and stay there with them so they can be in their own home. I'm sorry for your friend. It's a long and horrible road.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 15:09
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
They should find a bed near their home and go there as soon as the patient can be moved. I assume the DC area is better furnished than where they are right now?
Anonymous
08/17/2020 15:07
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
There is an amazing program in the greater Philly area called “Hosts for Hospitals.” https://hostsforhospitals.org/
Since 2000, our non-profit organization has been providing lodging and caring support to meet the housing needs of patients and their families coming to Greater Philadelphia for specialized medical care. The lodging is provided by volunteer Hosts who welcome into their homes patient-families in need.
I imagine there are increased precautions due to COVID. Even if HfH is unable to find a host family for your friends right now (if they are even close to the Philly area) I know they are great resources for helping find info for family housing.
Sending love to your friends. This is a difficult journey- unfortunately one my family walked too. I’m so grateful my sibling survived. It was a complex recovery, for all of us. My sibling is now a thriving adult, with a wonderful family. It really can get better!
Bits of advice from my experience:
-Do anything possible to help protect the privacy of the recovering teen, especially with the mindset of aiding in their eventual transition back into society.
-does the teen have siblings? Do anything possible to support the other children. Trauma causes an upheaval in family life and priorities. Suddenly, all attention (and often finances) are redirected to keeping the survivor alive. It’s far too easy for the other children to fall through the cracks during this time, potentially seeding abandonment issues.
Ways to support other children/young adults in the family:
-Become their College Application coach.
-invite them over for dinners and homework
-hire them to help you with meals/errands/childcare, giving them a task with purpose where you can give them positive reassurance/feedback.
-anything where you can interact with them on a consistent basis
Really, it’s about providing some stability amidst the chaos for those children/teens. Time is a finite resource and in times of crisis that becomes even more apparent. Giving your time, care, and comfort to your friend’s children may be the greatest gift you could ever give your friend.
Since 2000, our non-profit organization has been providing lodging and caring support to meet the housing needs of patients and their families coming to Greater Philadelphia for specialized medical care. The lodging is provided by volunteer Hosts who welcome into their homes patient-families in need.
I imagine there are increased precautions due to COVID. Even if HfH is unable to find a host family for your friends right now (if they are even close to the Philly area) I know they are great resources for helping find info for family housing.
Sending love to your friends. This is a difficult journey- unfortunately one my family walked too. I’m so grateful my sibling survived. It was a complex recovery, for all of us. My sibling is now a thriving adult, with a wonderful family. It really can get better!
Bits of advice from my experience:
-Do anything possible to help protect the privacy of the recovering teen, especially with the mindset of aiding in their eventual transition back into society.
-does the teen have siblings? Do anything possible to support the other children. Trauma causes an upheaval in family life and priorities. Suddenly, all attention (and often finances) are redirected to keeping the survivor alive. It’s far too easy for the other children to fall through the cracks during this time, potentially seeding abandonment issues.
Ways to support other children/young adults in the family:
-Become their College Application coach.
-invite them over for dinners and homework
-hire them to help you with meals/errands/childcare, giving them a task with purpose where you can give them positive reassurance/feedback.
-anything where you can interact with them on a consistent basis
Really, it’s about providing some stability amidst the chaos for those children/teens. Time is a finite resource and in times of crisis that becomes even more apparent. Giving your time, care, and comfort to your friend’s children may be the greatest gift you could ever give your friend.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 13:42
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
Anonymous wrote:We dealt with this ourselves in the spring. You might want to research good hospital options near their home. The adolescent beds *are* few & far between but also vary in quality. Depending on how long the teen needs to be there, it might be better to be located closer to home, but likely they'd be better off to just take the bed in the best facility they can find.
If you are close enough to be doing that research you might also help them research outpatient programs as kids often get let out of inpatient facilities but are required to attend outpatient for a certain amount of time. These programs also vary in quality.
Best of luck to your friend's family & their teen. ((hugs))
Thank you so much! Yes, that was what I was thinking rather than being stuck hours from home for an indeterminate amount of time. And there are other children in the family.
I hope your teen is feeling better.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 13:31
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
We dealt with this ourselves in the spring. You might want to research good hospital options near their home. The adolescent beds *are* few & far between but also vary in quality. Depending on how long the teen needs to be there, it might be better to be located closer to home, but likely they'd be better off to just take the bed in the best facility they can find.
If you are close enough to be doing that research you might also help them research outpatient programs as kids often get let out of inpatient facilities but are required to attend outpatient for a certain amount of time. These programs also vary in quality.
Best of luck to your friend's family & their teen. ((hugs))
If you are close enough to be doing that research you might also help them research outpatient programs as kids often get let out of inpatient facilities but are required to attend outpatient for a certain amount of time. These programs also vary in quality.
Best of luck to your friend's family & their teen. ((hugs))
Anonymous
08/17/2020 13:11
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lot to unpack here. Have you spoken/texted the parents? If not, I would wait for them to reach out. They would be able to tell you if they needed anything at this time. As for finding a hospital bed, this is what hospital social workers do.
This is a tough time.
The mom sent a message yesterday, but was completely at loose ends. We were unable to provide the assistance she asked for yesterday due to being out of town ourselves. We have not wanted to bombard her with texts asking for any developments.
I’m relieved to know a social worker will be provided to help them work out a bed back home.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 12:41
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
Wow, a lot to unpack here. Have you spoken/texted the parents? If not, I would wait for them to reach out. They would be able to tell you if they needed anything at this time. As for finding a hospital bed, this is what hospital social workers do.
This is a tough time.
This is a tough time.
Anonymous
08/17/2020 11:49
Subject: MH Options/Back home support for a family traveling TW: suicide attempt
A teen we know attempted to kill himself on family vacation in eastern PA. I don’t want to go into specifics to avoid accidentally identifying the family to others who may know the family, but not know what happened over the weekend.
I know that it is already challenging to find a bed for an adolescent in our area. Doing so while away from home seems even more daunting. The whole family is currently camped out in the ER. We’re trying to figure out if we should send them money for a motel or if there’s some agency up there that can help them get back home with the teen placed in a local ER until a bed can be found.
I know that it is already challenging to find a bed for an adolescent in our area. Doing so while away from home seems even more daunting. The whole family is currently camped out in the ER. We’re trying to figure out if we should send them money for a motel or if there’s some agency up there that can help them get back home with the teen placed in a local ER until a bed can be found.