Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 15:58     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I asked this because my ex allowed our daughter to spend the night at his sister’s boyfriend’s house. I didn’t find out until I was on my way to pick her up. I told him he should’ve talked to me first. I don’t know his sister’s boyfriend and I’m not comfortable with my daughter spending the night at a stranger’s house. He thinks I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal because he knows him. I still believe he should’ve spoken to me about this first.


You are overreacting and it’s not a big deal and you don’t get a say when it’s time with dad. The end.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 15:57     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:No, you are not over reacting. If you are in VA, then your ex should have informed you as a first right of refusal for anything more than 3 hours of stay without her.

It is definitely not OK for your daughter to spend time with her aunt's BF. Your ex sounds like a terrible mother and these kinds of situations create other bad incidents. Sorry OP, that you are dealing with a negligent ex.


I’m the mother, it was the father that allowed this.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 15:54     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I asked this because my ex allowed our daughter to spend the night at his sister’s boyfriend’s house. I didn’t find out until I was on my way to pick her up. I told him he should’ve talked to me first. I don’t know his sister’s boyfriend and I’m not comfortable with my daughter spending the night at a stranger’s house. He thinks I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal because he knows him. I still believe he should’ve spoken to me about this first.


If the sister was there and he knew the boyfriend well on his time its ok. You are not going to meet everyone your ex knows or socializes with and he will not meet all of yours. But, she was with her aunt.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 15:52     Subject: If you share custody
No, you are not over reacting. If you are in VA, then your ex should have informed you as a first right of refusal for anything more than 3 hours of stay without her.

It is definitely not OK for your daughter to spend time with her aunt's BF. Your ex sounds like a terrible mother and these kinds of situations create other bad incidents. Sorry OP, that you are dealing with a negligent ex.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 15:52     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I asked this because my ex allowed our daughter to spend the night at his sister’s boyfriend’s house. I didn’t find out until I was on my way to pick her up. I told him he should’ve talked to me first. I don’t know his sister’s boyfriend and I’m not comfortable with my daughter spending the night at a stranger’s house. He thinks I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal because he knows him. I still believe he should’ve spoken to me about this first.


NP. I also allow right of first refusal to my Ex, but what your asking is different. You can ask for right of first refusal, but you can’t demand how he parent’s while on him time. You don’t control him or your kid on him time.


So you think I overreacted too?
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 15:33     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I asked this because my ex allowed our daughter to spend the night at his sister’s boyfriend’s house. I didn’t find out until I was on my way to pick her up. I told him he should’ve talked to me first. I don’t know his sister’s boyfriend and I’m not comfortable with my daughter spending the night at a stranger’s house. He thinks I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal because he knows him. I still believe he should’ve spoken to me about this first.


NP. I also allow right of first refusal to my Ex, but what your asking is different. You can ask for right of first refusal, but you can’t demand how he parent’s while on him time. You don’t control him or your kid on him time.


A million typos. Sorry.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 15:33     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I asked this because my ex allowed our daughter to spend the night at his sister’s boyfriend’s house. I didn’t find out until I was on my way to pick her up. I told him he should’ve talked to me first. I don’t know his sister’s boyfriend and I’m not comfortable with my daughter spending the night at a stranger’s house. He thinks I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal because he knows him. I still believe he should’ve spoken to me about this first.


NP. I also allow right of first refusal to my Ex, but what your asking is different. You can ask for right of first refusal, but you can’t demand how he parent’s while on him time. You don’t control him or your kid on him time.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 15:14     Subject: If you share custody
OP here. I asked this because my ex allowed our daughter to spend the night at his sister’s boyfriend’s house. I didn’t find out until I was on my way to pick her up. I told him he should’ve talked to me first. I don’t know his sister’s boyfriend and I’m not comfortable with my daughter spending the night at a stranger’s house. He thinks I’m overreacting and it’s not a big deal because he knows him. I still believe he should’ve spoken to me about this first.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 14:18     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:It depends. If the child is staying with a grand parent as an activity with the grandparent or a friend or relative as a favor to me. There's a distinction.


yeah, if family is visiting and i happen to have plans, I let the child hang out with the family. If i am using family as babysitting (and there is usually a distinction), I would give my exDH the right of first refusal.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 14:04     Subject: If you share custody
It depends. If the child is staying with a grand parent as an activity with the grandparent or a friend or relative as a favor to me. There's a distinction.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 13:57     Subject: If you share custody
Overnight? Yes.

For a few hours so I can go to the doctor or run a child-free errand? No.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 13:53     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I typically give my ex the right of first refusal if I can’t be with them.


So you wouldn’t let your child stay with one of your friends or relatives when it’s your time without consulting your ex first?


No, being decent you offer the time to the parent first.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 11:57     Subject: If you share custody
Anonymous wrote:I typically give my ex the right of first refusal if I can’t be with them.


So you wouldn’t let your child stay with one of your friends or relatives when it’s your time without consulting your ex first?
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 11:34     Subject: If you share custody
I typically give my ex the right of first refusal if I can’t be with them.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2020 11:21     Subject: If you share custody
Do you let your ex know if your child stays with someone other than you when it’s your time with them?