$200 a week is ridiculous and selfish.

Op, he needs to account for the money.

This is a Canadian tv show until debt do us part:
https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwyhDyJ3VORb-RuLRAP87MmqTPa7KhV2L

That talks about couples and budgeting. You need to put the numbers in black and white and show him how he’s hurting the family.

Anonymous wrote:Dates with the mistress? Sorry but $800 is a lot.

Meh, if it includes his clothes, shoes, haircuts in addition to coffee shop visits and stuff, it's not that much in the end.

Dates with the mistress? Sorry but $800 is a lot.

Anonymous wrote:You both have serious financial issues. $5K on a mortgage plus child care. You are living above your means.

In op's defense, the $5k is mortgage plus "bills". That could be alot of things, like car payments, utilities, cell phone, etc. That wasn't clarified.

Anonymous wrote:This is simple. After mortgage, childcare, bills, gas, groceries, cleaner, and savings, you have 1K left. That leaves you each $500/mo fun money. Why wouldn't this be split evenly?

Three accounts: Family, his, yours. All bills paid from family account. Cash for misc to each of you from sep accounts and don't track what the other person does with it (it's only $500 anyway).

All family bills get paid from family account and that includes *everything* your children need (why are you factoring their clothes and haircuts into your personal budget?).

The bigger issue I see here is that there's no wriggle room. Honestly I'd have trouble staying under $500/mo for misc expenses. Your mortgage and bills seem outsized for the amount of misc cash you're leaving yourselves at end of day.

This. 7k in fixed costs for housing, bills and childcare on a 10k income seems really tough to navigate. Is there anything you can cut back on, op? Are you nearly done with childcare? Are you currently putting money into retirement? Maybe you could cut back there while you're in the heavy childcare years.

You both have serious financial issues. $5K on a mortgage plus child care. You are living above your means.

Sorry to hear this, OP. His behavior isn't ok.

Have you tried working out a family budget with him to plan for future expenses (college, retirement)? Or talking to an advisor at the bank? So he understands that what he's spending could go toward more important things?

Is he addicted to anything that he could be spending a lot of money on?

Anonymous wrote:This is simple. After mortgage, childcare, bills, gas, groceries, cleaner, and savings, you have 1K left. That leaves you each $500/mo fun money. Why wouldn't this be split evenly?

Three accounts: Family, his, yours. All bills paid from family account. Cash for misc to each of you from sep accounts and don't track what the other person does with it (it's only $500 anyway).

All family bills get paid from family account and that includes *everything* your children need (why are you factoring their clothes and haircuts into your personal budget?).

The bigger issue I see here is that there's no wriggle room. Honestly I'd have trouble staying under $500/mo for misc expenses. Your mortgage and bills seem outsized for the amount of misc cash you're leaving yourselves at end of day.

+1000 I can't see how there's any other way to handle this situation.

$500 a week on groceries?!

This is simple. After mortgage, childcare, bills, gas, groceries, cleaner, and savings, you have 1K left. That leaves you each $500/mo fun money. Why wouldn't this be split evenly?

Three accounts: Family, his, yours. All bills paid from family account. Cash for misc to each of you from sep accounts and don't track what the other person does with it (it's only $500 anyway).

All family bills get paid from family account and that includes *everything* your children need (why are you factoring their clothes and haircuts into your personal budget?).

The bigger issue I see here is that there's no wriggle room. Honestly I'd have trouble staying under $500/mo for misc expenses. Your mortgage and bills seem outsized for the amount of misc cash you're leaving yourselves at end of day.

That's insane. The 1K remaining should be split three ways between you, your DH, and kids' expenses. If he can't agree to that, I worry for you and your marriage.

I wouldn't pay into anything for a month and I'd go take an amazing vacation. Let him figure things out.

I feel for you OP. My DH managed the finances and had unlimited access to cash, cards, etc. Big mistake. You need to have access to that bank account. In fact, you are entitled to that access because your money is comingled. Best solution would be to close his account and have one joint account. Then you both get an equal amount of money each month. You can make a budget together. This is a huge red flag and you should not tolerate it. I have spent several years working on this issue with my DH and it nearly destroyed our marriage.

Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, stat.

My husband and I’s combined income is 10500/month after taxes.

I make 4500, he makes 6000.
Our mortgage and bills amount to 5000.
Childcare for two kids is 2000.
This leaves us with 3500/month for food, gas and savings.

We spend about $500/week on gas and groceries for both our cars. We spend $300/month on a bi weekly house cleaner.
Our total leftover is $1200. I put about $200 into savings each month.

My husband takes $200/week for himself with no reasoning. He does not have parking fees. He packs his lunch and only goes out on fridays. He explains this is his "allowance" for his extras. I do not have access to this bank account. When he does show me where the money goes, it’s going towards snacks, coffee, haircuts for himself or clothes for work.

I take no money for my own personal use. After he takes his money out, it leaves me with $200 for the household and kids for clothing, haircuts or anything extra.

He is INSISTENT that he needs $800/month and complains we have no money otherwise. We don’t have any extra money because he takes it for himself! He then complains when I spend $75 on clothing at Target or Amazon for the kids.

I’m about to lose it that he thinks he’s entitled to $800/month for himself and leaves me and the kids with $200.