Thanks for all the utterly useless answers!

French Bulldog sounds like what I’m after.

The same place you can find kids who never get sick, aren’t messy, never talk back and skip the teenage years. Good luck!!

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you are ready for a dog. I’m sure your kids are begging but that is not a good reason to get a dog. You will resent it.

+1
You don’t sound ready to deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:No puppies. Dog should be definitely well out of the puppy/juvenile phase.

Absolutely. Only consider dogs a few years old -- 3 yrs or more. Or a cat may be a better fit for your family, honestly.

You absolutely should not get a dog given your list.

Target had some really great life sized stuffed animals last week.

But seriously, what DO you want in a dog? You listed all the things you don’t want, which makes the post seem really anti dog. You want an animal that doesn’t do animal things (have energy, bark, shed). Poodles are mixed into nearly all low/no shed mixes, and they’re very energetic. I think your best bet is to find a 5+ year old rehome so you get to skip the puppy phase.

Cavapoochon

No puppies. Dog should be definitely well out of the puppy/juvenile phase.

A lot of what you're asking for is going to be more personality dependent than breed specific, and it will be hard to find all of those things in one dog, but you could try looking into:

- a retired greyhound. They need bursts of energy but are not highly energetic, have very short hair (though do shed a bit), are not socialized with people at a yong age so are more comfortable being left alone.
- A poodle or a bichon. They are 'hypoallergenic' so don't really shed, are smaller, many are lower energy, don't tend to bark. These guys tend to be snugglers though so will be harder to leave alone
- Pug. If lower energy is a focus this guy might work. They are smaller, but do tend to drool and will shed a little bit. Not really barkers
- French Bulldog. Don't bark much and don't require much exercise, and depending on personality can be more standoff-ish so might do better alone.

Hope that is a start for you - Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Adopt an old mutt. Already trained, not too energetic.

+1 For not too energetic, training, known personality, and ability to be left alone you want an older dog.

For shedding and size you've got to see what's available.

I don’t think you are ready for a dog. I’m sure your kids are begging but that is not a good reason to get a dog. You will resent it.

Adopt an old mutt. Already trained, not too energetic.

Anonymous wrote:Has to be ok with being home alone during the day (for when things go back to normal)
Not too big (kids are 13 and 10)
Not too energetic
Doesn’t shed a lot
Easily trained
Doesn’t need to be fierce
Only barks when necessary

You want a hairless cat.

No to a pekingese. We inherited one from MIL and he is the opposite of easily trained. Sweet but yappy and untrainable.

Has to be ok with being home alone during the day (for when things go back to normal)
Not too big (kids are 13 and 10)
Not too energetic
Doesn’t shed a lot
Easily trained
Doesn’t need to be fierce
Only barks when necessary