I'm a wife and I am definitely guilty of this sometimes. I don't know why I do it and I always try to stop it but it still happens sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:OMG my DH used to do the same thing. And he would steal my punishments (eg no screentime tomorrow) but not apply them fairly or consistently. After a while I just started getting mad at him when he did that and kept telling him to stop escalating. A few times we had blowups over it and I very clearly explained what he was doing wrong. He eventually stopped.

Y’all need parenting classes.

P.s. whispering is more effective than yelling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s backing you up. Better that than an oblivious and on-present parent.

It also teaches the kids to respect both of you equally.

I'm sure this is what he's thinking. But in practice, it just makes things worse. He also often has the expectation that I back HIM up when he's talking to the kids, but I tend to let him handle things on his own 80% of the time unless he is really struggling.

What’s not working? Do the kids go upstairs after he orders them to or not? You want to spend another 10 minutes arguing back-and-forth with a tween, have at it.

First of all, these are elementary age kids. And yes they go up, but they go up mad and grumpy and fired up ready to fight back all night.

Anonymous wrote:How are you addressing this with your husband? Mine used to do the same thing and I brought it up to him a few times; he does his best to stay out of things now unless I specifically ask him to get involved.

I looked at him and said (after kids left the room) "What's with the mean echo in the room?" Yeah, not really a conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s backing you up. Better that than an oblivious and on-present parent.

It also teaches the kids to respect both of you equally.

I'm sure this is what he's thinking. But in practice, it just makes things worse. He also often has the expectation that I back HIM up when he's talking to the kids, but I tend to let him handle things on his own 80% of the time unless he is really struggling.

What’s not working? Do the kids go upstairs after he orders them to or not? You want to spend another 10 minutes arguing back-and-forth with a tween, have at it.

Anonymous wrote:Not seeing the problem. DH says: "Listen to your mother!" Which is also a refusal to engage, but in the grand scheme of things, not that big of a deal.

Yes! It's basically an iteration for "Listen to your mother!... Or else!" But I find it totally annoying! It's so half-a**ed!

Anonymous wrote:He’s backing you up. Better that than an oblivious and on-present parent.

It also teaches the kids to respect both of you equally.

I'm sure this is what he's thinking. But in practice, it just makes things worse. He also often has the expectation that I back HIM up when he's talking to the kids, but I tend to let him handle things on his own 80% of the time unless he is really struggling.

Not seeing the problem. DH says: "Listen to your mother!" Which is also a refusal to engage, but in the grand scheme of things, not that big of a deal.

He’s backing you up. Better that than an oblivious and on-present parent.

It also teaches the kids to respect both of you equally.

How are you addressing this with your husband? Mine used to do the same thing and I brought it up to him a few times; he does his best to stay out of things now unless I specifically ask him to get involved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent, but something I find really annoying is when DH becomes a louder and meaner echo for my voice when I'm talking to the kids. He does it without even thinking, and is not even paying attention to the situation at hand. It's more the repetitive nature of it than anything else, and also maybe the fact that he keeps sticking his nose in something that he isn't even paying attention to. I literally feel like there's a "mean echo" in the room to everything I say.

Example:
Me - "This is the third time I'm asking you, go upstairs and get ready for bed."
DH, yelling: "GET UPSTAIRS NOW!!!"

Why would you ask? If they're not allowed to say no, then just tell them.

Just an example. I don't remember my exact wording.

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent, but something I find really annoying is when DH becomes a louder and meaner echo for my voice when I'm talking to the kids. He does it without even thinking, and is not even paying attention to the situation at hand. It's more the repetitive nature of it than anything else, and also maybe the fact that he keeps sticking his nose in something that he isn't even paying attention to. I literally feel like there's a "mean echo" in the room to everything I say.

Example:
Me - "This is the third time I'm asking you, go upstairs and get ready for bed."
DH, yelling: "GET UPSTAIRS NOW!!!"

Why would you ask? If they're not allowed to say no, then just tell them.

Anonymous wrote:OMG my DH used to do the same thing. And he would steal my punishments (eg no screentime tomorrow) but not apply them fairly or consistently. After a while I just started getting mad at him when he did that and kept telling him to stop escalating. A few times we had blowups over it and I very clearly explained what he was doing wrong. He eventually stopped.

Yes! DH often throws in threats or punishments too. It pretty much derails any hope for nice cooperation by the kids, and it just makes them really angry. He's been doing this more lately I think because he's been a lot more distracted. I'm sure if I mentioned it now, he won't even remember doing it.

OMG my DH used to do the same thing. And he would steal my punishments (eg no screentime tomorrow) but not apply them fairly or consistently. After a while I just started getting mad at him when he did that and kept telling him to stop escalating. A few times we had blowups over it and I very clearly explained what he was doing wrong. He eventually stopped.

Just a vent, but something I find really annoying is when DH becomes a louder and meaner echo for my voice when I'm talking to the kids. He does it without even thinking, and is not even paying attention to the situation at hand. It's more the repetitive nature of it than anything else, and also maybe the fact that he keeps sticking his nose in something that he isn't even paying attention to. I literally feel like there's a "mean echo" in the room to everything I say.

Example:
Me - "This is the third time I'm asking you, go upstairs and get ready for bed."
DH, yelling: "GET UPSTAIRS NOW!!!"