Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.

+1 - I hate it when people blame ADHD for everything. My son has ADHD inattentive type and displays none of the behavior I see attributed to ADHD on this site, yet he’s lumped into it and all the negativity that comes with it.

ADHD manifests differently in different people. The fact that your inattentive ADHD doesn’t make you lose your temper and have impulsive outbursts is irrelevant. Many people with ADHD have terrible problems with emotional regulation and impulse control. Others don’t.

PP: of course, but people don’t make that distinction when saying how horrible people with ADHD act and that’s not fair to those who don’t act horribly because of ADHD, or not, although ADHD is often blamed for “asshole” behavior.

I’ve read multiple posts over the years about women saying they will warn their daughters not to date anyone with ADHD and that hurts my heart because my child is wonderful – he’s the kindest, most empathetic person I know (literally) and does well with school, so I hate to think he will be judged negatively if a woman finds out he has ADHD, even though he displays none of the “aggressive” traits so often mentioned here.

+ 1 I agree with this as someone with ADHD. It does not help to attribute and excuse poor behavior because it is part of ADHD, or to assume someone being a jerk has ADHD.
It's also a disservice to imply inattentive ADHD isn't harmful, especially when the vast majority of adults experience more inattentive symptoms, and being inattentive does not mean you can't have problems with emotional regulation.

Pp: I, specifically, referenced my child and said nothing to indicate that I think those with inattentive ADHD are “issue” free.

I once heard Dr. Laura (remember her?) talk with a caller whose husband had similar outbursts. She asked the caller if the husband ever had outbursts with his boss, a co-worker or a police officer? Answer was NO. Dr Laura said he Knows how to control himself, but he simply chooses not too.

Your DH needs some help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.

+1 - I hate it when people blame ADHD for everything. My son has ADHD inattentive type and displays none of the behavior I see attributed to ADHD on this site, yet he’s lumped into it and all the negativity that comes with it.

ADHD manifests differently in different people. The fact that your inattentive ADHD doesn’t make you lose your temper and have impulsive outbursts is irrelevant. Many people with ADHD have terrible problems with emotional regulation and impulse control. Others don’t.

PP: of course, but people don’t make that distinction when saying how horrible people with ADHD act and that’s not fair to those who don’t act horribly because of ADHD, or not, although ADHD is often blamed for “asshole” behavior.

I’ve read multiple posts over the years about women saying they will warn their daughters not to date anyone with ADHD and that hurts my heart because my child is wonderful – he’s the kindest, most empathetic person I know (literally) and does well with school, so I hate to think he will be judged negatively if a woman finds out he has ADHD, even though he displays none of the “aggressive” traits so often mentioned here.

+ 1 I agree with this as someone with ADHD. It does not help to attribute and excuse poor behavior because it is part of ADHD, or to assume someone being a jerk has ADHD.
It's also a disservice to imply inattentive ADHD isn't harmful, especially when the vast majority of adults experience more inattentive symptoms, and being inattentive does not mean you can't have problems with emotional regulation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.

+1 - I hate it when people blame ADHD for everything. My son has ADHD inattentive type and displays none of the behavior I see attributed to ADHD on this site, yet he’s lumped into it and all the negativity that comes with it.

ADHD manifests differently in different people. The fact that your inattentive ADHD doesn’t make you lose your temper and have impulsive outbursts is irrelevant. Many people with ADHD have terrible problems with emotional regulation and impulse control. Others don’t.

And? Is that okay. Does that exuse them, and make their abuse acceptable? There's a plethora of resources for people with ADHD to learn to manage the emotions, use it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.

+1 - I hate it when people blame ADHD for everything. My son has ADHD inattentive type and displays none of the behavior I see attributed to ADHD on this site, yet he’s lumped into it and all the negativity that comes with it.

ADHD manifests differently in different people. The fact that your inattentive ADHD doesn’t make you lose your temper and have impulsive outbursts is irrelevant. Many people with ADHD have terrible problems with emotional regulation and impulse control. Others don’t.

PP: of course, but people don’t make that distinction when saying how horrible people with ADHD act and that’s not fair to those who don’t act horribly because of ADHD, or not, although ADHD is often blamed for “asshole” behavior.

I’ve read multiple posts over the years about women saying they will warn their daughters not to date anyone with ADHD and that hurts my heart because my child is wonderful – he’s the kindest, most empathetic person I know (literally) and does well with school, so I hate to think he will be judged negatively if a woman finds out he has ADHD, even though he displays none of the “aggressive” traits so often mentioned here.

OP, check out the literature on guanfacine for ADHD. It’s not a stimulant and may not help significantly with the impulsiveness but it’s really helped my daughter with her emotional outbursts. She’s much more even-keeled now. As a bonus, guanfacine is also a high blood pressure medication So if your DH tends to have high blood pressure it can kill two birds with one stone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.

+1 - I hate it when people blame ADHD for everything. My son has ADHD inattentive type and displays none of the behavior I see attributed to ADHD on this site, yet he’s lumped into it and all the negativity that comes with it.

ADHD manifests differently in different people. The fact that your inattentive ADHD doesn’t make you lose your temper and have impulsive outbursts is irrelevant. Many people with ADHD have terrible problems with emotional regulation and impulse control. Others don’t.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.

Thank you! I have ADHD. I happen not to take meds, and I do not behave this way. Having ADHD doesn't cause you or excuse you being abusive.

I also agree with the others. YOu can do something about this, don't let your kids grow up thinking abusive behavior is normal. He gets help, therapy, meds, or in his case likely both or he goes.

Have you ever called him out on it? Do you call him out on it every time?

I do not have the personality that would allow me to be quiet and sit down and take this sort of behavior - on the few times my husband pulls some bullshit move he is, most definitely, called out on it. He knows he won’t get away with that sort of behavior. To be clear, I’m not always on him and, honestly, am pretty laid back about a lot of things, but a double standard isn’t one of them.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.

+1 - I hate it when people blame ADHD for everything. My son has ADHD inattentive type and displays none of the behavior I see attributed to ADHD on this site, yet he’s lumped into it and all the negativity that comes with it.

Don’t confuse ADHD with just being an A$$.

Agree with PP: do NOT keep your children in this environment. It's a terrible environment to grow up in.

Anonymous wrote:Tough love. He gets help, takes medication, or he goes. That is no way for a family to behave.

THIS

Don’t let your kids suffer through verbal emotional abuse.

Tough love. He gets help, takes medication, or he goes. That is no way for a family to behave.

My DH has ADHD, and who knows what else. He has outbursts, impulsive issues, anger issues, yells, is just kind of a mess really. We all have to make allowances for his behavioral issues. But if any of us behaves in any sort of way, he has no tolerance and will go on and on about them needing help needing to get it together. For example, this morning my daughter’s big dog jumped on me, it hurt and scared me and I let out a yelp. He’s been on for 20 minutes about me needing to get some control over myself. But yesterday, we were waiting to pick up take out, he literally left, and I said we can’t leave we need to get the food we paid for, and he literally screamed” Are You F* Kidding Me” with the kids Jin the car and everything. But that’s not unusual behavior for him. But we all have to deal with it because he can’t help it or we deserved it or whatever.