Don't combine funds.

Have the banal conversations now - division of labor in the household and responsibilities as it relates to life - scheduling such as appointments for house, kids, and doctors, etc.

Seems trivial - can save a lot of resentment and headaches down the road.

Bonus - be friends and kind everyday. It's rough out here and helpful to have someone who will paddle the boat with you and not against you, for you, or watch idly by while you do all the work.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get married.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule sex

I think that is horrible advice.

It saved my marriage. So I would disagree.

I think that could be helpful maybe IF there were issues later in a marriage—maybe. Scheduling sex at the beginning and making it transactional sounds absolutely awful and a way to kill it from the start.

Is dinner out transactional? People schedule that.

Don’t get married.

The heart is a muscle. You have to exercise it to keep it healthy.
The brain is LIKE a muscle. You have to exercise it to keep it healthy.
A marriage is like a muscle. If you don't work at the marriage, it won't stay healthy.

DH and I work at it. Sometimes we have uncomfortable conversations. Not mean, never cruel, but painfully honest. Since we've started doing this, we've learned to do it more often, so there's less anger and resentment when we bring things up. When we are a strong couple, it is easier for us to get though random difficulties that come up, both of us individually and us as a couple.

You will have marital problems at some point down the road, so commit right now to working like dogs to fix them when they arise. They may be big, they may be small, but they will come, and no amount of discussing the "terms" of your marriage upfront can completely avoid it because a long-term marriage will put you into new circumstances that you haven't experienced before to truly know how you'll respond. All you can do it commit yourself to your spouse and your marriage that you will fight for both even when you don't want to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule sex

I think that is horrible advice.

It saved my marriage. So I would disagree.

I think that could be helpful maybe IF there were issues later in a marriage—maybe. Scheduling sex at the beginning and making it transactional sounds absolutely awful and a way to kill it from the start.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discuss how you will raise children and the financial component of that before trying to get pregnant or before accidentally getting pregnant. Discuss this and be in 100% agreement BEFORE the wedding.

If you don’t have kids it’s very difficult to discuss raising them. I never would have thought my DH would be such a permissive dad but he hates saying no to them. There’s no way I would have known to ask or even he would have known beforehand.

Do discuss division of labor though. I’d write that shit down and keep it to pull out when needed!

You can discuss finances and childcare issues before kids—that is what I meant.

Anonymous wrote:Discuss how you will raise children and the financial component of that before trying to get pregnant or before accidentally getting pregnant. Discuss this and be in 100% agreement BEFORE the wedding.

If you don’t have kids it’s very difficult to discuss raising them. I never would have thought my DH would be such a permissive dad but he hates saying no to them. There’s no way I would have known to ask or even he would have known beforehand.

Do discuss division of labor though. I’d write that shit down and keep it to pull out when needed!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schedule sex

I think that is horrible advice.

It saved my marriage. So I would disagree.

Discuss how you will raise children and the financial component of that before trying to get pregnant or before accidentally getting pregnant. Discuss this and be in 100% agreement BEFORE the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:Schedule sex

I think that is horrible advice.

Schedule sex

For an engaged couple. One piece, Vasili.