Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesson to be learned ..... your kid is going to encounter bullies, aggressive kids and just down right mean ones. I am not blaming your son but you may want to explore how you can help your kid not be the target of this behavior and what to do if they are. Studies have shown that over and over criminals ask to identify who they’d pick as targets picked them same people (and it’s not just old ladies or nerdy looking men). Your body language can give a lot away. When we lived in California we took a kidpower class and it was very eye opening. I think they have virtual classes now. Good luck.

A 6 yo who hits isn't necessarily a bully. Mine is speech delayed and we're working on it. If anything, mine is prone to being the victim of bullies because she can't defend herself verbally. But in new situations where she's overwhelmed and can't find words, yes she occasionally hits. Like I said we're working on it. (Yes, there are both consequences and coaching.)

So, your daughter is physically aggressive. That must be difficult and you are right that not all physically aggressive kids are bullies. I think it is important to teach your kids why to do in different situations. For example, if my son was in your daughter’s class and he said she hit him I’d probably try in figure out what led to that situation and help him strategize to avoid being hit. Say he told me that everyone was crowding around the door to go outside and she was getting upset....I might help him figure out a solution like stepping back from the crowd.

Yes, this is the coaching part. My daughter found soccer to be particularly overwhelming and would get anxious and stop talking with all of the kids running around. One time another kid came up and kicked her ball (which is part of soccer, but she didn't really get that), so she pushed/hit him. She thought she was defending her ball and he'd taken it. She doesnt have language when stressed and couldn't find the words to tell him not to kick her ball. We worked on it for a few weeks, but didnt make much progress so we quit soccer for a while until she has more skills.

Having a closely supervised playdate may be really helpful for both kids. It sounds like the parents of the 6 yo are actively working on the issue. Stop being so judgmental. 6 yos are still little kids.

They are old enough to know better. As a former coach of multiple ages, the kids lacking self-control and hitting other kids are off the team after an initial intervention. After the first incident, they need a parent with them. Second time, they are out. I don't really care WHAT issues any child has because if they pose a threat and attack other children on the field then they cannot be trusted. I had someone choke and slam someone else's head into the ground in the middle of a game. They were out, banned from the league. I'd warned the parents and they still hassled me about it in front of everyone who had also just seen her son to that to another child so I've dealt with the hitting, etc.

If a child is aggressive, no confident posturing is going to prevent the issues. If your kids wails back and hits the assailant, fine by me, within reason. Turnabout is fair play when they have been harassed, assaulted, or bullied and nothing else appears to work. The child is allowed to defend themselves and the other kid shouldn't be disrupting everyone else's experience. A coach who didn't intervene ended up in huge trouble (rightly) as a team member lost it and began repeatedly kicking the goalie in the head for taking the ball and suffered quite a bit of head trauma.

My job is to teach soccer and maintain the safety of everyone there. Assaulting other kids is not ok and the other kids are not there to be a learning doll, like this play date sounds. Absolutely not. And if I was the parent and this happened, I would pull my child from the team if they refused to ban the other child.

Parents need to attend lessons with this child. Hard pass on the play date.

Anonymous wrote:The other boy shouldn’t be there, period. Why is violence being tolerated? A 3y.o. hitting is one thing. By 6? They know better.

I agree with this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesson to be learned ..... your kid is going to encounter bullies, aggressive kids and just down right mean ones. I am not blaming your son but you may want to explore how you can help your kid not be the target of this behavior and what to do if they are. Studies have shown that over and over criminals ask to identify who they’d pick as targets picked them same people (and it’s not just old ladies or nerdy looking men). Your body language can give a lot away. When we lived in California we took a kidpower class and it was very eye opening. I think they have virtual classes now. Good luck.

A 6 yo who hits isn't necessarily a bully. Mine is speech delayed and we're working on it. If anything, mine is prone to being the victim of bullies because she can't defend herself verbally. But in new situations where she's overwhelmed and can't find words, yes she occasionally hits. Like I said we're working on it. (Yes, there are both consequences and coaching.)

So, your daughter is physically aggressive. That must be difficult and you are right that not all physically aggressive kids are bullies. I think it is important to teach your kids why to do in different situations. For example, if my son was in your daughter’s class and he said she hit him I’d probably try in figure out what led to that situation and help him strategize to avoid being hit. Say he told me that everyone was crowding around the door to go outside and she was getting upset....I might help him figure out a solution like stepping back from the crowd.

Yes, this is the coaching part. My daughter found soccer to be particularly overwhelming and would get anxious and stop talking with all of the kids running around. One time another kid came up and kicked her ball (which is part of soccer, but she didn't really get that), so she pushed/hit him. She thought she was defending her ball and he'd taken it. She doesnt have language when stressed and couldn't find the words to tell him not to kick her ball. We worked on it for a few weeks, but didnt make much progress so we quit soccer for a while until she has more skills.

Having a closely supervised playdate may be really helpful for both kids. It sounds like the parents of the 6 yo are actively working on the issue. Stop being so judgmental. 6 yos are still little kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesson to be learned ..... your kid is going to encounter bullies, aggressive kids and just down right mean ones. I am not blaming your son but you may want to explore how you can help your kid not be the target of this behavior and what to do if they are. Studies have shown that over and over criminals ask to identify who they’d pick as targets picked them same people (and it’s not just old ladies or nerdy looking men). Your body language can give a lot away. When we lived in California we took a kidpower class and it was very eye opening. I think they have virtual classes now. Good luck.

A 6 yo who hits isn't necessarily a bully. Mine is speech delayed and we're working on it. If anything, mine is prone to being the victim of bullies because she can't defend herself verbally. But in new situations where she's overwhelmed and can't find words, yes she occasionally hits. Like I said we're working on it. (Yes, there are both consequences and coaching.)

So, your daughter is physically aggressive. That must be difficult and you are right that not all physically aggressive kids are bullies. I think it is important to teach your kids why to do in different situations. For example, if my son was in your daughter’s class and he said she hit him I’d probably try in figure out what led to that situation and help him strategize to avoid being hit. Say he told me that everyone was crowding around the door to go outside and she was getting upset....I might help him figure out a solution like stepping back from the crowd.

Anonymous wrote:Lesson to be learned ..... your kid is going to encounter bullies, aggressive kids and just down right mean ones. I am not blaming your son but you may want to explore how you can help your kid not be the target of this behavior and what to do if they are. Studies have shown that over and over criminals ask to identify who they’d pick as targets picked them same people (and it’s not just old ladies or nerdy looking men). Your body language can give a lot away. When we lived in California we took a kidpower class and it was very eye opening. I think they have virtual classes now. Good luck.

A 6 yo who hits isn't necessarily a bully. Mine is speech delayed and we're working on it. If anything, mine is prone to being the victim of bullies because she can't defend herself verbally. But in new situations where she's overwhelmed and can't find words, yes she occasionally hits. Like I said we're working on it. (Yes, there are both consequences and coaching.)

Lesson to be learned ..... your kid is going to encounter bullies, aggressive kids and just down right mean ones. I am not blaming your son but you may want to explore how you can help your kid not be the target of this behavior and what to do if they are. Studies have shown that over and over criminals ask to identify who they’d pick as targets picked them same people (and it’s not just old ladies or nerdy looking men). Your body language can give a lot away. When we lived in California we took a kidpower class and it was very eye opening. I think they have virtual classes now. Good luck.

Social distance saves lives.

The other boy shouldn’t be there, period. Why is violence being tolerated? A 3y.o. hitting is one thing. By 6? They know better.

It’s happened twice? The parents need to be at the soccer class with the child, actively participating and ready to jump in and intervene before the child hits again.

If it happens again next week, then it is the instructors fault.

No way I would force my child to a “play date” with an acquaintance who has assaulted him twice. Your role is to protect your child, not force him into abusive relationships. The team coach needs to make it clear that hitting/assaults are reasons to be kicked off the team then follow through.

Thank you for the offer, but lets wait and see if they can work things out during lesson time for now.

You either accept or decline. You can see how they get along at the next practice. Say “maybe in a little bit.”

Our 6yo DS is doing soccer lessons at our local park with a small group of peers we know from school.

Twice this week one of the other boys got frustrated and hit our DS in the face, according to the instructors.

The parents reached out to apologize and asked us to get the boys together for a play date.
This is the last thing we want to do and our son is not interested but WWYD?

Thanks