Anonymous
07/01/2020 07:27
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Picture him doing the mundane things in life...like taking a crap, blowing his nose.
Attraction is a funny think....though...it is very irrational. I recently found out that a 40 yo woman (Fit, Married, kids, etc) may be attracted to me (56, overweight (6'2", 270 lbs), many health issues...). She apparently is attracted to scientific thinking....
there is probably something about him that your husband lacks. Realize what it is. And then, look at what your husband offers. Try to remind yourself why you found him attractive in the first place. Reconnect.
Attraction is a funny think....though...it is very irrational. I recently found out that a 40 yo woman (Fit, Married, kids, etc) may be attracted to me (56, overweight (6'2", 270 lbs), many health issues...). She apparently is attracted to scientific thinking....
there is probably something about him that your husband lacks. Realize what it is. And then, look at what your husband offers. Try to remind yourself why you found him attractive in the first place. Reconnect.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 06:44
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Have sex, get it over with and out of your system and be done with him.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 06:31
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Avoid all situations when he is there.
If he is at a social function leave.
Do not blow up your family over this.
If he is at a social function leave.
Do not blow up your family over this.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 06:11
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
It’s a good thing that you can remember a time when you felt this way about your DH; that means it can be rekindled. Try to remember why you fell in love with your DH, the attraction you had and what drew you to him. Talk to your DH about how you’re feeling - not about the crush specifically, but the disconnection. Have you had such a conversation with him?
Anonymous
07/01/2020 06:07
Subject: Re:I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Lots of married people have these feelings and thoughts at some point. Why do you think affairs are so common?
I would dial it back though, especially being alone with him when alcohol are involved. He will probably sleep with you if you give him the chance. If he is attractive and single, he isn't going to be with you long term, he has other options, harsh but true.
I would dial it back though, especially being alone with him when alcohol are involved. He will probably sleep with you if you give him the chance. If he is attractive and single, he isn't going to be with you long term, he has other options, harsh but true.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 05:56
Subject: Re:I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
It's normal for things to cool in a long-term relationship. It's normal to have crushes. I'm even willing to allow some escapism due to the stress of COVID and quarantine. It is not normal to fantasize the person you have a crush on as the stepparent to your children.
So OP.
You need to stop hanging out with this guy one on one . Period.
You need to find an alternative when you start your daydreaming, maybe it's an activity or maybe it's a phrase that snaps you back into reality.
You need to discuss your lack of emotional connection with your DH, the key here is you need to take responsibility for your part in this and not shift all the blame to him. Also, realize that any additional distance your feeling in the last few months may be due to giving your emotional energy to your crush.
So OP.
You need to stop hanging out with this guy one on one . Period.
You need to find an alternative when you start your daydreaming, maybe it's an activity or maybe it's a phrase that snaps you back into reality.
You need to discuss your lack of emotional connection with your DH, the key here is you need to take responsibility for your part in this and not shift all the blame to him. Also, realize that any additional distance your feeling in the last few months may be due to giving your emotional energy to your crush.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 05:41
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married for 10 years, with my DH for 16 years, two elementary aged kids. I have growing feelings for a friend, more like a friend’s friend, and it’s all I can think about. The friend’s friend is single. In January when I had this realization I thought it was a silly crush after some group hangouts where we talked one on one a lot and really connected, but it’s been months and I think about him constantly. All I can think about is when I am able to see him again, what it would be like to be with him in a relationship, I imagine us having sex, I’ve envisioned him being a stepparent to my kids for gods sake.
I don’t know how to shake these feelings, it feels ridiculous but also, not? I think my feelings for DH were waning well before this and this person kind of snuck into my heart a bit. My logical side is trying to tell me that I’m seeking out an emotional connection where it is lacking with DH, but even after months quarantined with DH I feel more drawn to this person. I’ve not felt this way about anyone since dating my DH which seems absolutely ridiculous to say but that is how it feels.
Has anyone been in this situation before? Did you just...give it time and hope it goes away?
This happens a lot, whether people want to admit it or not. Being with the same person for 16 years is hard and I agree you’re probably looking for some excitement or emotional connection you’re not getting from your husband right now. Can you talk to your husband about that? Not having feelings for someone else, just that you’re feeling unconnected? Sometimes just having that conversation will kick the crush. After all, you’re probably building this up in your head to be this amazing experience with this other guy, when reality would be a lot different. If you’re having crushes, I think it’s normal, and it’s likely you’ll have more, so learning how to move past it and use it to reconnect with your husband might be a good thing.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 04:56
Subject: Re:I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
I’ve been married for 10 years, with my DW for 16 years, two elementary aged kids. I have growing feelings for a friend, more like a friend’s friend, and it’s all I can think about. The friend’s friend is single. In January when I had this realization I thought it was a silly crush after some group hangouts where we talked one on one a lot and really connected, but it’s been months and I think about her constantly. All I can think about is when I am able to see her again, what it would be like to be with her in a relationship, I imagine us having sex, I’ve envisioned her being a stepparent to my kids for gods sake.
I don’t know how to shake these feelings, it feels ridiculous but also, not? I think my feelings for DW were waning well before this and this person kind of snuck into my heart a bit. My logical side is trying to tell me that I’m seeking out an emotional connection where it is lacking with DW , but even after months quarantined with DW I feel more drawn to this person. I’ve not felt this way about anyone since dating my DE which seems absolutely ridiculous to say but that is how it feels.
Has anyone been in this situation before? Did you just...give it time and hope it goes away
This is your post written as if it was your DH ir another DH behaving this way? How does this make you feel? What would you advise?
Anonymous
07/01/2020 04:48
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
It seems as though you have already made up your mind you are going to cheat, as soon as you get the opportunity, and you've already justified it in your mind, with your lack of emotional connection to your DH and your deep connection to this man.
In your fantasies how do your kids feel about their mom being a cheater? How do your kids feel about having their family and lives blown up because mommy was bored?
In your fantasies how do your kids feel about their mom being a cheater? How do your kids feel about having their family and lives blown up because mommy was bored?
Anonymous
07/01/2020 04:43
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Anonymous wrote:It's infatuation.
Don't do anything stupid or embarrassing. Your fantasies of him are just that fantasies, where you have built him up to be the perfect being, odds are really high he is nothing like that in a real life relationship.
I'm most disturbed that you are daydreaming about him as a stepparent, that's a bit over the line for me , and goes beyond harmless crush territory.
You need to start redirecting your thoughts and stop spending so much time on this fantasy of yours.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 04:17
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Anonymous wrote:It's infatuation.
+1 Hopefully you will remain friends once the crush is over.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 03:07
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
It's infatuation.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 02:18
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Anonymous wrote:Where was your husband during these group hangouts?
He was not there because he is more of a homebody/introvert and doesn’t like to go out much. He used to go out more with me — just us or with friends — but he just doesn’t feel like it anymore I think, for almost a year now. Also he has been trying to get very fit and so he prefers not to eat out and drink and stuff.
Anonymous
07/01/2020 02:02
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married for 10 years, with my DH for 16 years, two elementary aged kids. I have growing feelings for a friend, more like a friend’s friend, and it’s all I can think about. The friend’s friend is single. In January when I had this realization I thought it was a silly crush after some group hangouts where we talked one on one a lot and really connected, but it’s been months and I think about him constantly. All I can think about is when I am able to see him again, what it would be like to be with him in a relationship, I imagine us having sex, I’ve envisioned him being a stepparent to my kids for gods sake.
I don’t know how to shake these feelings, it feels ridiculous but also, not? I think my feelings for DH were waning well before this and this person kind of snuck into my heart a bit. My logical side is trying to tell me that I’m seeking out an emotional connection where it is lacking with DH, but even after months quarantined with DH I feel more drawn to this person. I’ve not felt this way about anyone since dating my DH which seems absolutely ridiculous to say but that is how it feels.
Has anyone been in this situation before? Did you just...give it time and hope it goes away?
Where was your husband during these group hangouts?
Anonymous
07/01/2020 01:59
Subject: I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend
I’ve been married for 10 years, with my DH for 16 years, two elementary aged kids. I have growing feelings for a friend, more like a friend’s friend, and it’s all I can think about. The friend’s friend is single. In January when I had this realization I thought it was a silly crush after some group hangouts where we talked one on one a lot and really connected, but it’s been months and I think about him constantly. All I can think about is when I am able to see him again, what it would be like to be with him in a relationship, I imagine us having sex, I’ve envisioned him being a stepparent to my kids for gods sake.
I don’t know how to shake these feelings, it feels ridiculous but also, not? I think my feelings for DH were waning well before this and this person kind of snuck into my heart a bit. My logical side is trying to tell me that I’m seeking out an emotional connection where it is lacking with DH, but even after months quarantined with DH I feel more drawn to this person. I’ve not felt this way about anyone since dating my DH which seems absolutely ridiculous to say but that is how it feels.
Has anyone been in this situation before? Did you just...give it time and hope it goes away?
I don’t know how to shake these feelings, it feels ridiculous but also, not? I think my feelings for DH were waning well before this and this person kind of snuck into my heart a bit. My logical side is trying to tell me that I’m seeking out an emotional connection where it is lacking with DH, but even after months quarantined with DH I feel more drawn to this person. I’ve not felt this way about anyone since dating my DH which seems absolutely ridiculous to say but that is how it feels.
Has anyone been in this situation before? Did you just...give it time and hope it goes away?