Anonymous wrote:If you send them to their room and they refuse, you assign more chores or earlier bedtime and they refuse, etc. Impose more consequences? What if they refuse to comply again?

I focus on rewarding good behavior, but that doesn't work for everything

How old? They don't get to refuse consequences. You take everything.

Try natural consequences...what were you sending him to his room for?

Anonymous wrote:If you send them to their room and they refuse, you assign more chores or earlier bedtime and they refuse, etc. Impose more consequences? What if they refuse to comply again?

I focus on rewarding good behavior, but that doesn't work for everything

My kids are 10 and 13. They need to do certain things as part of the family: keep up with math and reading over the summer, assigned chores, be respectful to each other, and help each other out. First offense you get a warning from me. Second offense, I turn off the internet. For my 13 yr old, she will also lose her phone. It's a min of 24 hours; if you keep it up, he hours lost increases. The warning shot usually works these days.

Anonymous wrote:New poster. I have the same question, but with a 3 year old (I suspect OP's child is older). I will follow the responses in case this continues to be a problem as my child gets older!

At that age you physically move them to where you want them to be. At the same time, you can't dole out punishments that occur later (no TV tomorrow) as a 3 year old is too young to keep that connection between action and consequence for very long.

At 3 look at 123 magic for good solutions.

Learn that they're not an effective long-term solution-- for this exact reason, among many.

New poster. I have the same question, but with a 3 year old (I suspect OP's child is older). I will follow the responses in case this continues to be a problem as my child gets older!

It is always easiest if you have consequences already spelled out, so nothing is a surprise. If they don't accept the "first level" consequence, then move to the "second level" consequence. I would allow a little bit of time for the child to calm down and think about the consequence before imposing the next level, and if you can leave the room so the child can save face, that might help. If you are both upset, tell them you will discuss it in fifteen minutes, and stick to it. I agree that nothing else happens until the child goes to their room, if that was the direction. Always follow through with the original direction, or don't give it. Second level can include early bedtime, no electronics, extra chores, whatever. Sit down and have a meeting about it when everyone is calm and serve ice cream to keep a positive tone about "growing up guidelines."

OP, totally agree that this depends on age.

But I doubt you're talking about a 2 year old since you're referring to chores.

Consider reading "Parenting with Love & Logic".

Agree with others that this depends on age but if my 8yo refused to do what I told her I would escalate the consequence drastically.
Last night she had to go to bed 15 mins early because of attitude.
I always read at bedtime and she also has an Alexa dot in her room because she likes to listen to radio.
If she refused to come up the stairs when I told her I would tell her that I am not reading to her and I will take Alexa out of the room.........It hasnt happened but if I threatened it there would be some quick compliance.

Yes, how old?
I don’t impose consequences of going to their room. But if I ask them to do something and they do not do it, I tell them that is their choice but “nothing happens” until they do it. No electronics, no phone, no meals, nothing. Also I find that if I remove myself they are less likely to be defiant If they don’t have me there to battle wills. But my oldest is only 12.

Have the consequences already outlined. The consequence should never be a surprise to them. Go over the rules at a time when the child is calm.

How old is the child? For elementary age and upward this works. Maybe if they’re younger than that keep the rules shorter.

How old is this child? Consequences need to be something you can control and carry out. It also sounds like this child is escalating the situation and perhaps you need to wait to impose the consequence when the child is calmer and you as well. Sit down, have a talk with the kid about what the misbehavior was about, get communication going, and then impose the consequence. Don't impose a consequence when you and the child are in the heat of anger. It will become a battle of wills. It's also possible the child feels misunderstood somehow and that your discipline is unfair. Need to know more about this situation.

Depends on the age

Take away privileges. Electronics et al.

If you send them to their room and they refuse, you assign more chores or earlier bedtime and they refuse, etc. Impose more consequences? What if they refuse to comply again?

I focus on rewarding good behavior, but that doesn't work for everything