I’m really not understanding why your nanny wasn’t setting appropriate boundaries with your toddler pre-covid, and why your family wasn’t upholding them while she was gone.

By 18 months, the child stays with me, wears a harness, or go into a back carrier. If we’re in a store, they can be strapped into the cart. I don’t play around with runners, it’s just not safe.

Your toddler should have had some supervised, unguided free play prior to covid. That means up to 30 minutes in a playpen, childproof room with a baby gate or strapped into the high chair. Any nanny worth anything does this, because the child HAS to learn to self-entertain at some point, and it’s much easier to do as a baby/toddler.

As to now:

Nanny gets mixing bowls and a wooden spoon on the kitchen floor for the toddler, 6yo does legos at the table. Nanny can sit at the table or stand between table and toddler, talking to older child and supervising toddler.

Toddler gets a sheet pan with finger paint on the kitchen floor. 6yo gets arts and crafts at the table. Nanny walks between kids, adding tiny blobs of (sometimes new) color to the toddler’s pan every few minutes, to prolong interest.

Toddlers can play dolls too. Easily.

Nanny should have the 6yo help actually make tea and cookies, then everyone can have the tea party after nap.

Your nanny seems to have no clue about mixing age levels. Prior to covid, it wasn’t an issue. But the fact that she was lacking in teaching the toddler so many social/life skills AND can’t handle two kids is very concerning.

Anonymous wrote:If you’re going to hire anyone, hire someone to stay with the baby while your older DD and her beloved nanny do something fun together.

Did you read OP's post? This nanny isn't a long time "beloved" nanny for the older child. The older child has been at school most of the day, the whole time the nanny has been employed.

My older DD (who just finished 1st grade) was in school full time (pre-Covid) and often didn’t get home until 3:30/4pm most days, so she spent very little time with the nanny who focused mainly on the baby.

If you’re going to hire anyone, hire someone to stay with the baby while your older DD and her beloved nanny do something fun together.

Yes, get help so your DD can do big kid stuff. SAHM of a 5 year old and 2 year old. Pre-COVID, 5 year old was in morning preschool, then I’d pick her up, put 2 year down for nap, focus on 5 year old, then around 3 go to gymnastics or playground, then DH would be home about 6. So, all in all, I really only had to entertain both of them for 3 hours each day by myself, and I had a schedule that worked. Now my 5 year old accuses me of spending more time with her brother, and that’s true, but he needs constant supervision (even though I’ve childproofed, he’s good at finding trouble). It’s the same amount of time I spent with him pre-COVID, she just didn’t notice because she had her own activities. Now I spend an hour with my 5 year old each evening, as well as during the 2 year old’s nap, which helps, but yes, hire someone to focus on your DD a couple of hours a day.

Do you have a designate playroom in your house and if so, how toddler-proof is it? If you want the nanny to be able to take her eyes off the toddler she needs to be able to go in a room where the baby can’t climb furniture/dump toys out/break things/electrocute herself, etc.

The older child may also need some more reasonable expectations. What were you doing for the last 2 months with both of them? If you were splitting attention then what is different now? If you were tag-teaming with DH or with grandparents then of course there will be a big adjustment.

The nanny should set a routine where they do an art or science or cooking project in the morning with the toddler strapped safely in a high chair where she can participate on her level (e.g., if they are making baking soda volcanoes, give the baby some baking soda to touch on the high chair tray and then a few drops of vinegar).

Then they go to the park, where nanny may have to focus on keeping DC2 from running off but she can work on teaching DC2 some boundaries (stay with me or you go in the stroller). If she is consistent the toddler will figure out the rules. At the same time make sure they have toys that are fun for both, such as 2 balls or bubbles.

When they get back they can cool off by playing in the sprinkler (if you have a yard) or the bath. The bath is a great place to paint by the way. Tape a piece of paper on the shower wall for the 6yo to use as a canvas and put a little on the floor for the toddler to fingerpaint with. When they are done everybody/everything gets scrubbed clean.

By then it’s lunchtime, then nap for the toddler and DC1 can have nanny’s full attention for a bit. After nap they can play in the playroom and DC 1 can go in a playpen if she wants to do something with tiny pieces like legos.

Making sure that DC1 know which parts of the day will be about her (morning project time and during nap) and which times she’ll need to share (outdoor time/water time) and which times she may need to play solo for a bit (afternoon), will help set expectations.

We hired a new full time nanny when our second child was born just over a year ago, and both kids love her. My older DD (who just finished 1st grade) was in school full time (pre-Covid) and often didn’t get home until 3:30/4pm most days, so she spent very little time with the nanny who focused mainly on the baby. We had our nanny stay home starting in mid-March until two weeks ago when we all felt ready for her to return. My DH is back at his office and I am still working from home, but after months of flexibility things are ramping back up and I need to be online most of the day.

The main issue is that because of my kids’ age difference, it’s really hard for the nanny to engage both at the same time and she tends to end up focusing much more time and energy on the younger one who is wild and gets into trouble in any way he can. My older one wants to do things like legos, arts and crafts, tea party, dolls, etc which of course the younger one can’t do so she is really frustrated that she gets much less attention and has no one to play with her really. The nanny tries to do fun things with both but it only lasts for so long. My nanny will also take the kids to the park but often ends up chasing after the little one so she can’t kick a ball with the older one.

DD has started complaining that the nanny can’t play/hang out with her most of the day because of the baby and saying that she is so bored and unhappy. I feel badly because I know it’s really hard for one person to engage two kids at these ages from 9am to 5pm all week, and for two more months to come. DH and I survived by dividing and conquering because it was the only way to make sure both kids got the attention they needed.

Anyone have advice or a recommendation on how to make this better? Should I try to hire a college or high school age sitter to hang out with the older one for a few hours a day/couple days a week? Just don’t want her to be miserable all summer.