Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DHs kids def knew they were divorced. We’d all have dinner sometimes for birthdays or other events. He mowed his es wife’s lawn and sometimes ended up eating dinner there with her and whatever kids where around. It was okay. He is NOT the nostalgic (as in sleep with the ex) type if that’s what you worry about.

I don’t think OP is worried about that. I think OP is upset because after a year, her boyfriend is still keeping her away from a big part of his life (his kids). As long as he isn’t integrating her into family gatherings, she knows he’s not thinking seriously of marrying her or anything like that.

Yes this is it. I thought we were moving, in one direction, and now it seems we're not. I want to be flexible as I know this is a sensitive thing for the kids, but I don't know where to set the line of being flexible or stupid.

It really depends on the people involved.
I can't give a blanket yes or no answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

I don't mean to have a tone. To be honest I'm not sure, if they know or not, I initially assumed that they did. I have not met the children yet. This is not a graduation or birthday dinner. This is something they have been doing, ex wife has made it clear that I will never need to attend dinners. Both don't want to upset kids. We had previously discussed me meeting his kids.

Anonymous wrote:My DHs kids def knew they were divorced. We’d all have dinner sometimes for birthdays or other events. He mowed his es wife’s lawn and sometimes ended up eating dinner there with her and whatever kids where around. It was okay. He is NOT the nostalgic (as in sleep with the ex) type if that’s what you worry about.

I don’t think OP is worried about that. I think OP is upset because after a year, her boyfriend is still keeping her away from a big part of his life (his kids). As long as he isn’t integrating her into family gatherings, she knows he’s not thinking seriously of marrying her or anything like that.

My DHs kids def knew they were divorced. We’d all have dinner sometimes for birthdays or other events. He mowed his es wife’s lawn and sometimes ended up eating dinner there with her and whatever kids where around. It was okay. He is NOT the nostalgic (as in sleep with the ex) type if that’s what you worry about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

Is it something like a graduation dinner?

Why aren’t you invited?

Or one of the kids’ birthdays.

Maybe the kids don’t like her. Or haven’t even met her.

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

Is it something like a graduation dinner?

Why aren’t you invited?

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

Yeah, I don’t like to date people who are that buddy buddy with their exes. My boyfriend has a cordial but distant relationship with his ex and kids’ mom and it’s the perfect balance. These divorced people who still spend Christmas Day with the exes - not for me.

How long have you been dating?

Yes, there is no chance my husband would go back to his cheating ex-wife. I don't think they need to have joint dinners except major events in the kids lives but if it were the only way to keep the peace I'd be ok with it for the kids sake. This would never have happened so it was a non-issue.

What kind of appearances are we talking about? That their parents can still get along despite the divorce? That they’re still married?

You should be invited, too. How long have you been dating?

You should not be in this relationship, Op. If it bothers you, you are not the person to be in this relationship.

Without you. In order to keep up appearances for the kids, and not wanting them to feel anything is different.