Anonymous wrote:I am old (65) and can generally tell if a person has been damaged - if not in the beginning then soon after. But I was blindsided once by someone who hid it well (or I refused to see it).

Some people hid it very well until the cover begin to melt.

No. And one other thing to consider: maybe the parenting didn't matter. Sometimes nature overwhelms nurture. Some times.

Anonymous wrote:No, not at all. There are wonderful people raised by terrible patents and vice-versa, so...

This!

OP, how can anyone possibly know? People aren’t going to necessarily tell you about a bad childhood, so how would you know if your suspicions, if you have them, are correct?

My mom says any nice person she meets was “raised well”. Even if we happen to know the person did not have a great childhood, she still insists this is the case.

No definitely not. I agree with others that I didn’t really realize how lucky I was until college/early 20s when I learned more what some of my friends parents were like, but that was only because they shared or I witnessed it

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell (as far as you know) when someone was not raised this way? What I mean is - do you pick up on something about this person or that person that makes you suspect they were not raised by loving, competent parents? Or do you think or assume that everyone was parented like you were?

Like other PP, I think I thought the best of people, and assumed most/all were raised in good, loving, warm households - until about age 25. It was about then (for me personally) that I met people with "chips on their shoulders", so to speak. People are not just born that way - people are not born bad, people become that way because they were treated badly, more often than not. So to answer your question, I can definitely tell (in a much shorter time span than most people) how people were raised, by how they treat other people. Some people never get the therapy they so obviously need - that is sad, because they are truly missing out on a good life.

I am old (65) and can generally tell if a person has been damaged - if not in the beginning then soon after. But I was blindsided once by someone who hid it well (or I refused to see it).

Nope. I know lots of people with effed up childhoods who are normal, and lots of people with normal childhoods who are effed up.

I think the biggest thing is that people “seem” genuinely nice, but sometimes it takes years and then their veneer cracks and they unleash the psycho. It’s extremely disturbing to witness never mind bear the brunt of.

I don't assume anything, becauee I know I can't tell. Most peoplr are raised by parents who are about average, mathematically speaking.

No, not at all. There are wonderful people raised by terrible patents and vice-versa, so...

When I was younger (before 25ish) I assumed everyone had good parents like I did. I knew outliers existed, of course. But I didn’t realize how incredibly lucky I was/am.

As for meeting people, no of course not. I can’t tell at all if they were raised with good family values...unless they’re a psycho but odds are I’m not meeting them anyway if they’re a psycho

I usually assume everyone was raised like me. Until they say otherwise. Best friend was in foster care and her mother was an alcoholic. I had no idea, but after I knew some things made more sense (she didn’t trust people and had a lot of anxiety that I couldn’t understand before)

Can you tell (as far as you know) when someone was not raised this way? What I mean is - do you pick up on something about this person or that person that makes you suspect they were not raised by loving, competent parents? Or do you think or assume that everyone was parented like you were?