Anonymous
06/21/2020 20:56
Subject: Re:siblings getting along
Read Siblings without Rivalry when the time comes.
And then let go and realize whatever will be, will be. Sometimes the more you want something, esp. vis a vis kids, the less likely you are to get it.
And then let go and realize whatever will be, will be. Sometimes the more you want something, esp. vis a vis kids, the less likely you are to get it.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 15:25
Subject: siblings getting along
You cannot force a relationship but parenting has a lot to do with it. My parents played my sister and I off against each other and constantly played favorites with her and still do. As a parent consider your actions.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 15:21
Subject: Re:siblings getting along
I think shared interests play a big role. My sister and I have an 18 month age gap. We always got along well, but we were never super close because of our different interests. My brother is 7 years you get and we are very close because we share the same passions.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 12:05
Subject: siblings getting along
Anonymous wrote:I think there are some aspects you have control over, like how close in age (somewhat) and the expectations you set (easier when first child is a little older but you can still do this to some degree with a younger child). My sister and I fought mercilessly growing up but became close in our 30s. We are only 18 months apart which was part of our problem as kids. My kids are still young, only 5 and 2, but we try to instill love and make sure they know how lucky and special they are to be sisters. It's early and things aren't perfect but they definitely love each other and play together well most of the time.
I still think personality plays the largest role. My DH and his brother are only 16 months apart. As kids they played together well and weren’t competitive with each other. But as they aged, they grew apart due to completely different personalities and interests. As adults, the only thing they have in common is that they came from the same parents. There is no animosity at all, they’re just total opposites. They have several younger siblings and the levels of closeness between all of them depends on shared interests.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 11:45
Subject: siblings getting along
I also believe that, as they age, you celebrate vs comparing their differences. It’s easy to say “ Why don’t you study more like your brother.”, but those comparisons can hurt a sibling relationship forever.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 10:51
Subject: siblings getting along
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are best friends. We argued growing up, but very rarely. We have always had a special bond. We are 3.5 years apart.
It scares me that my children may not have this bond with their siblings. I've seen siblings who have no bond, don't get along, don't enjoy each other etc...
Does trying to be a close family, and do family activities, and not tolerate fighting help this? What can I do to help?
My daughter is one and a half now, and we are planning on trying again soon.
I think personalities have a lot to do with this. But you can coach them and this will help them with other interpersonal relationships as well- I read Siblings Without Rivalry. My first born was not a fan of her little sibling upon his arrival. She went from ignoring his existence to tolerating it, to hating him at times. But she's a tough cookie, very difficult with any changes, stubborn, and maybe even slightly on the spectrum. I saw how sweet other older siblings were to their baby siblings, and I worried like you, but now several years later they are best of friends. They still fight, because they are both very spirited, but they also play wonderfully together and are so patient with each other.
I could have written this, right down to the advice to read Siblings without Rivalry. I think now that my youngest is 3.5, my older child sees him as more of a person, and thus a potential playmate, and less as the attention stealing enemy. Being in lockdown with no one to play with but each other has also been a bonding experience. The silver lining of this pandemic is that my children play together now
Anonymous
06/21/2020 10:41
Subject: siblings getting along
I think there are some aspects you have control over, like how close in age (somewhat) and the expectations you set (easier when first child is a little older but you can still do this to some degree with a younger child). My sister and I fought mercilessly growing up but became close in our 30s. We are only 18 months apart which was part of our problem as kids. My kids are still young, only 5 and 2, but we try to instill love and make sure they know how lucky and special they are to be sisters. It's early and things aren't perfect but they definitely love each other and play together well most of the time.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 10:02
Subject: Re:siblings getting along
So basically, you don't have a problem at all. I think you should seek therapy for your anxiety issues. And do that before you have a second baby.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 09:43
Subject: siblings getting along
Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are best friends. We argued growing up, but very rarely. We have always had a special bond. We are 3.5 years apart.
It scares me that my children may not have this bond with their siblings. I've seen siblings who have no bond, don't get along, don't enjoy each other etc...
Does trying to be a close family, and do family activities, and not tolerate fighting help this? What can I do to help?
My daughter is one and a half now, and we are planning on trying again soon.
Perhaps you don't remember phases during which you and your sister argued? I wonder if there's a particular age/phase on which you're basing your memories.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 08:28
Subject: siblings getting along
Your kids will form their own relationship. It may not be anything like your bond with your sister though. And you shouldn’t try to make them replicate what you and your sister have. It’s great that you two have a special bond, but not every sibling has that. Even if they are ultimately going to form a special bond, they have to develop it. You can’t do that for them.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 08:19
Subject: siblings getting along
Some siblings bond; some don’t. It’s simply impossible to predict or forecast.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 07:55
Subject: siblings getting along
Well mine are 7 and 5 and fight a TON but also want to play together constantly and have long moments that are great with no bickering. Not sure what that will equate too. We can only do our best.
My own brother is 6 years younger than me so it was a larger gap. We aren’t very close in the sense that we talk all the time. But, we know we have each other’s backs when needed.
My own brother is 6 years younger than me so it was a larger gap. We aren’t very close in the sense that we talk all the time. But, we know we have each other’s backs when needed.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 07:39
Subject: Re:siblings getting along
You can do family activities and talk about the importance of family, but you can’t force a close relationship. I’ve got three siblings. We were all raised with family time and family activities, but one sibling has always done his own thing and isn’t close to the rest of us. It just happens. Your kids may end up with completely different personalities. Or different interests. Or maybe they bond more with their friends than their siblings. Certainly you should do family activities. But recognize that you can’t control their relationship and trying to micromanage it will backfire.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 07:09
Subject: siblings getting along
Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are best friends. We argued growing up, but very rarely. We have always had a special bond. We are 3.5 years apart.
It scares me that my children may not have this bond with their siblings. I've seen siblings who have no bond, don't get along, don't enjoy each other etc...
Does trying to be a close family, and do family activities, and not tolerate fighting help this? What can I do to help?
My daughter is one and a half now, and we are planning on trying again soon.
I think personalities have a lot to do with this. But you can coach them and this will help them with other interpersonal relationships as well- I read Siblings Without Rivalry. My first born was not a fan of her little sibling upon his arrival. She went from ignoring his existence to tolerating it, to hating him at times. But she's a tough cookie, very difficult with any changes, stubborn, and maybe even slightly on the spectrum. I saw how sweet other older siblings were to their baby siblings, and I worried like you, but now several years later they are best of friends. They still fight, because they are both very spirited, but they also play wonderfully together and are so patient with each other.
Anonymous
06/21/2020 00:37
Subject: siblings getting along
My sister and I are best friends. We argued growing up, but very rarely. We have always had a special bond. We are 3.5 years apart.
It scares me that my children may not have this bond with their siblings. I've seen siblings who have no bond, don't get along, don't enjoy each other etc...
Does trying to be a close family, and do family activities, and not tolerate fighting help this? What can I do to help?
My daughter is one and a half now, and we are planning on trying again soon.
It scares me that my children may not have this bond with their siblings. I've seen siblings who have no bond, don't get along, don't enjoy each other etc...
Does trying to be a close family, and do family activities, and not tolerate fighting help this? What can I do to help?
My daughter is one and a half now, and we are planning on trying again soon.