Man. Late 30s. Divorced 7 years ago.

I don't feel like I'm thriving, but my life is definitely better on paper. I got another degree and changed careers. I got in really good shape, grew out my beard, and changed my wardrobe. I dated women who were far more attractive than my ex-wife. I never failed as a father, but without a wife who doesn't really want to be there our trips and home life seem to be so much happier. It's lonely. I wish I had another adult to share these moments with. I wouldn't mind having another kid with the right person. A part of me still can't shake the insecurities that come with being cheated on. So in that case I don't feel like I'm thriving, but I think it's all about what you focus your energy on. You can focus on what was or what can be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Yes, I was. I'm also 48 and just … tired. I did date one woman briefly and found myself just not really enjoying it or feeling "ready." I think I did it because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But then it became clear she wanted to move her and her daughter in with me and my kids, and I finally drew a line and told her no one was ever moving in, certainly not before both my kids were in college. She left the next day and was paired up with someone new three weeks later, so what I learned from that is women (my ex-wife included) generally are more interested in what men can DO for them than in being a partner who appreciates men for who they are.

I'm too tired to deal with it.

Guy late 50s, split 5 years ago, young kids. Very glad to be ‘free’ of cheating ex. Enjoyed dating for a few years and no plans to marry. No time for a border collie !

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

If you meet the right person, that may change.

My husband was cheated on and devastated by the divorce. His ex was horrible to him especially about seeing the kids. Years later we met, got married and have kids. Life is good and he's much happier. Don't give up hope and don't close yourself off to love. We've been married 15 years. He's a great husband. I got very lucky.

Anonymous wrote:Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Were you cheated on? I am a female who was cheated on and I have no real desire to date either. And I'm not even 40 yet. Sigh.

Divorced two years. Male. Happy. Kids with me most of the time despite 50/50 on paper; they prefer me. As they get older they see in my ex what drove us to divorce.

The most interesting thing to me is my complete lack of desire to date. I tried once or twice but I just ... don’t... care. I would rather spend time with my kids or be solo or with friends.

Didn’t see that one coming.

Anonymous wrote:I thought border collies were the one thing we could all agree on.

I think it was the buying (rather than rescuing) of the dog, rather than the breed, that the PP was harping on...

I hope you and your future border collie are happy together, OP! You should get one now--why wait?!

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman and have been divorced three years and think I’m thriving. I’m launching my last kid and really looking forward to an empty nest. When my ex and I split I spent a lot of effort rekindling old friendships and working on myself. A lot of self reflection. I wonder if it’s different for men?

No personal experience, but I've heard this a few times.

I thought border collies were the one thing we could all agree on.

I’ve been divorced for 2.5 years and I’m definitely still adjusting. Thriving? Not quite yet...

I'm a woman and I think thriving really depends on how you are defining that. When I got married I had my whole life before me, a family to build, careers, savings, possibilities. I was left in tatters after my divorce and had to rebuild my life--- in that sense I am thriving. I've managed to raise my kids well and improve on all of the other stuff. But do I have as many possibilities before me as I once had? No. I'm also 20 years older and I already have kids and married or divorce, those doors start to close as you get older.

I’m a woman and have been divorced three years and think I’m thriving. I’m launching my last kid and really looking forward to an empty nest. When my ex and I split I spent a lot of effort rekindling old friendships and working on myself. A lot of self reflection. I wonder if it’s different for men?

Buy a border collie? Do not announce your intention to buy a pet on here. You will be shellacked. The rest is drivel.

I remember reading self help articles when I got divorced six years ago that said over time all wounds heal and you “thrive” again. Well, the results are in and I didn’t meet that ideal. On the positive side, I am definitely over my ex wife who is happily remarried as I understand, I’ve tried to be a good dad, and remain gainfully employed thankfully. But I’ve been alone all these years, still live in the same apartment to which I fled, and don’t have much of a plan other than to retire, buy a border collie, and move somewhere picturesque and way less expensive than here. Anyway, I just am wondering if you’ve been divorced five or more years are you “thriving?”