They will be unwilling to be controlled. They may stay silent, as you read your rules to them, but they will not agree that this is something you have power over.

Sounds like you need another talk with her to find common ground. What matters most is honesty and trust. The wirst would be if she lied to keep her job.

Be prepared for a rise in viral spread in the coming weeks as our area reopens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are so lucky. Our nanny’s father is a doctor and she is far more careful than we are. She maintains very strict social distancing and isolation when she isn’t with us. And she made it clear she expects us to do the same (we do).

We had a long talk about it in the beginning of the pandemic and will have another as things open up. It has to be a consensus.

Seems the two bolded ideas don't jive.

NP here and it does “jive” for me. While we are all cautious, our nanny goes above and beyond to keep DS safe. While DH and I will move the stroller as far right as possible on the sidewalk when walkers are approaching our nanny will actually ask people to please step back.

And everyone complies? What would she do if they kept walking (as they have EVERY right to do?)

We let our au pair do what is recommended by the governor/state gov. We haven’t been more strict than that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are so lucky. Our nanny’s father is a doctor and she is far more careful than we are. She maintains very strict social distancing and isolation when she isn’t with us. And she made it clear she expects us to do the same (we do).

We had a long talk about it in the beginning of the pandemic and will have another as things open up. It has to be a consensus.

Seems the two bolded ideas don't jive.

NP here and it does “jive” for me. While we are all cautious, our nanny goes above and beyond to keep DS safe. While DH and I will move the stroller as far right as possible on the sidewalk when walkers are approaching our nanny will actually ask people to please step back.

Never ever let that one go!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are so lucky. Our nanny’s father is a doctor and she is far more careful than we are. She maintains very strict social distancing and isolation when she isn’t with us. And she made it clear she expects us to do the same (we do).

We had a long talk about it in the beginning of the pandemic and will have another as things open up. It has to be a consensus.

Seems the two bolded ideas don't jive.

NP here and it does “jive” for me. While we are all cautious, our nanny goes above and beyond to keep DS safe. While DH and I will move the stroller as far right as possible on the sidewalk when walkers are approaching our nanny will actually ask people to please step back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are so lucky. Our nanny’s father is a doctor and she is far more careful than we are. She maintains very strict social distancing and isolation when she isn’t with us. And she made it clear she expects us to do the same (we do).

We had a long talk about it in the beginning of the pandemic and will have another as things open up. It has to be a consensus.

Seems the two bolded ideas don't jive.

Yeah, you’re right about my wording. What I meant to say was that her protocols were greater/stricter than ours but we adhere to her protocols.

Anonymous wrote:We are so lucky. Our nanny’s father is a doctor and she is far more careful than we are. She maintains very strict social distancing and isolation when she isn’t with us. And she made it clear she expects us to do the same (we do).

We had a long talk about it in the beginning of the pandemic and will have another as things open up. It has to be a consensus.

Seems the two bolded ideas don't jive.

Anonymous wrote:Would you allow your nanny to dictate what she was comfortable with you doing, if the situation was reversed? I think you're probably going to have to step back here unless you want to pay her to stay in isolation 24/7. Having a non live-in nanny is a risk you've chosen to take. That risk comes with the reality that your nanny is a free human being and she may do things in her off time that you wouldn't do. If you don't like that risk, you can fire her and hire someone new, but the reality remains that you can't control people outside of your household, and any employee you hire will have the freedom to do as they please in their off time.

Yes and no. In past times, yes - I agree. However these are unprecedented times of a highly contagious virus. As a nanny, I know my first obligation is to the health and safety of my charge and my off-hours decisions have to be made on that. My employers must adhere to the same standards for my health as well as my charge’s.

I think in these times decisions and safeguards must be decided by both nanny and employers equally.

I see, 20 something. No science to support her continued quarantine if she’s following all precautions.

How old is she, OP?

Would you allow your nanny to dictate what she was comfortable with you doing, if the situation was reversed? I think you're probably going to have to step back here unless you want to pay her to stay in isolation 24/7. Having a non live-in nanny is a risk you've chosen to take. That risk comes with the reality that your nanny is a free human being and she may do things in her off time that you wouldn't do. If you don't like that risk, you can fire her and hire someone new, but the reality remains that you can't control people outside of your household, and any employee you hire will have the freedom to do as they please in their off time.

We are so lucky. Our nanny’s father is a doctor and she is far more careful than we are. She maintains very strict social distancing and isolation when she isn’t with us. And she made it clear she expects us to do the same (we do).

We had a long talk about it in the beginning of the pandemic and will have another as things open up. It has to be a consensus.

We spoke with our nanny at the start about our comfort level, and explained we fully expect this to last through the end of the year.

We said that if our nanny was not comfortable quarantining we would give them three months pay and then be furloughed until whenever we were finished feeling the need to quarantine, and would continue benefits until/unless the nanny took another job.

If your nanny were mine, I would absolutely not find her socializing acceptable. This is not just about her risk to HER health - it's about her carrying this to others who might be less capable than fighting it off.

Our nanny was strictly social distancing so we've had her continue coming throughout the shutdown (we made it clear we'd pay her if she wasn't comfortable coming and gave her our car so she didn't need to use public transportation. She chose to keep coming). It's becoming increasingly clear that she's no longer strictly social distancing. First, it was seeing her parents, then also her 3 siblings and their families, and now she's going to swing by a pregnant friends house etc etc. She's not an idiot going to parties, she wears a mask and gloves in stores but somewhat understandably she's assessing her risk as a healthy late 20s person and decided she's comfortable seeing family and some friends.

I don't know where to go from here. I'm not comfortable with her getting together with her extended family (which is 20+ people and includes essential workers) but I also don't know what options there are. I think she'd say no if we asked her to not see anyone indefinitely and it seems unreasonable to ask her to not see her family when gatherings of 10 are allowed but I'm pretty worried about her increasingly lowering isolation.

What are you asking of your nanny and how much information about what they're doing are you asking for? Or from the nanny perspective - what do you think is fair?

Please don't bother responding "if you don't want someone seeing other people, take care of your own kids". Yes, I know that's an option (in a magical fantasy land where I don't need the income my job provides) but before resorting to firing the nanny and quitting my job, I'm trying to think through what is reasonable and fair and how others are navigating this